[BlondeCougar]

Long story short, this guy has been with my daughter for 10 years. They just bought a house and had a new-born. After retiring, I've been helping out with the new-born. Over the years, he's made gestures and comments about how I look "sexy" for my age.

Fast forward to last week, my daughter was gone to work and he was taking a shower getting ready for work. He yelled while in the shower that there was no towel in the bathroom and asked if I could get one out of the dryer for him, which I need. When I took his towel to the bathroom, the shower is all glass, and his penis was directly face to face with me. At first I was shocked, because his penis is literally twice the size as my husbands and I didn't know how to take it.

After he got out of the shower, don't ask me how it happened, but I winded up in the bedroom with him. He put it on me like I've never felt before. I'm 54 now and haven't had sex like that since I was a teenager. He told me this had to be a secret, but he would love to do it more often.

I'm worried this is going to hurt my relationship with my daughter and I don't know how it happen, but is it normal for me to have feelings for my son in law now?

Has anyone else here ever had sex with the daughters boyfriend?

[atskitty2]

You're worried this will hurt your relationship with your daughter? How do you think she'll react when she learns of what her mother and long-time boyfriend are doing?
ETA: I mean, do you think this is a situation where she'd be hurt, or will she join in the fun, and this will become a threesome for you guys, or you'll simply fill her sexual role, and relieve her of a sexual responsibility she doesn't want anyway? This could go lots of ways, and there's a lot to unpack here in this scenario.

It is "normal" to have attractions for whomever we find ourselves attracted to. It is our response to those feelings and desires, and the boundaries which we honor that matter in these circumstances. Having feelings, wants and needs is pretty much always normal. Acting on them, without considering outcomes, is where it can get tricky.

Chances are, your daughter isn't going to be excited about this, and I'm guessing you sense that. It will change the whole dynamic, most likely.

[jns]

A person's brain releases chemicals that create bonding and euphoria during and after good sex. This is why you are more attracted to your daughter's boyfriend than before. Kitty has brought up good points about the dynamics of the relationships. Do you want to go there or can you make this a one time fantasy?

[Alison H.]

We generally cannot help who we’re attracted to — for better or for worse — and like jns brought up, those bonding/euphoria brain chemicals can solidify that attraction (or even create it, if it didn’t exist prior). I’ve had relations with people I probably (okay probably definitely) shouldn’t have, but not with someone who belongs to an immediate family member.

If your daughter’s boyfriend has been making comments to you over the years, it’s entirely possible that he’s been carrying around an attraction to you for a while. The opportunity presented itself for him to act on it — whether or not you felt anything like that for him before that happened. Did you? Even if it was buried down deep, were you attracted to him before this incident? Did you have feelings for him before this happened?

That can help you to discern whether the attraction you’re feeling to him now is a result of the sex, or if it was something that had been brewing long before it.

As for where this goes from here… I don’t know your daughter or your son-in-law and there are many variables to consider as far as the way your daughter will react. Is their relationship good? Have they had a lot of problems or fights? How is YOUR relationship with her?

You don’t have to answer those questions here — but they are worth thinking about.

Another thing to consider is this: could the guy potentially use this indiscretion as ammo in the future — like during an argument with your daughter or something.

If it stays a one-time thing, it might be easy enough to keep a secret (and heck, it might even be the best thing to do if it is a one-time slip-up, why blow everything up over one incident that will never happen again), but if your son-in-law wants to do it more often (as you said), will he take “no” for an answer? Do you want him to?

If it becomes an ongoing thing with him, sooner or later your daughter will likely find out. At that point, however, you’re dealing with something that is far more than a one-time incident — to carry on that way behind her back for any extended amount of time… that’s something that would be much harder for your relationship with her to recover from.

Again, it is perfectly normal to have feelings for people who are less than appropriate for us. You can’t help who turns you on — that’s human nature. But… acting on those desires can bring outcomes that may be less than desirable. The biggest thing to consider, I think, is this: is it worth the potential fallout later?

[EmpyNester]

I think she should ask her husband what she should do...

[Wednesday L.F.]

I gotta admit, the first few impulses I have about this post are very judgy. I can totally understand wanting to get with a younger guy, or to cheat (I don’t, but I get it). But if any of my friends had a cheating partner, it would feel like a betrayal not to tell them.

This guy cheats, and your daughter is probably in love with him. IMO, that’s the issue to contend with.

[Harm2345]

This is saddening that you acted on urges. I know we all have them but this is your daughters boyfriend. You don’t have any regard for her feelings or well being? Are you ashamed? If this was my situation and my mother did this to me I would be absolutely repulsed and crushed. This is a very difficult decision. And your thinking about doing this again? You have betrayed the most important person in your life or should be. My advice don’t tell her cause this would kill her and I would steer very clear of the boyfriend.