[Foxy1]

Hi i am new to this site, I have alot of current prblems with my boyfrind that I have been with for two years now. We live together and we argue about things all the time. Sometimes its my fault and some times its his but he likes to blame all of it on me.
Its like we have lost communication with each other and we are growing further and further apart everyday. This hurts me very much that we missunderstand each other. our fights have gotten out of control and there are alot of hurtful things that are said but never asked for forgiveness its just held against each other. I thought if I talked about the problem that we could possibly solve our issues but it just pushed him away and made me talk about it more and more. about him treating me bad and I want us to be this way... I guess I am complaining to much but I dont feel that a relationship should be so painful. He has made me feel alone and I have made him feel like he is a bad person. its gotten so bad that we fight everyday and we are to the point of a break up. the words were spoken tonight. I dont know where to go from here he acts like he hates me and doesnt want to touch me or make up with me he yells at me and its making me biuld up hate for him how hes treating me and how he doesnt care about my feeling. I dont mean I hate him I love him very much but has anyone been where I am I think we are done for good but I need some advice. can anyone help???

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Sounds like you're just annoying each other rather than making each other happy. Move out, spend some time apart and see if anything rekindles. If not, move on with your life and find a relationship that will make you happy.

[C]

You are desperately trying to hang on to a relationship where you can see plainly the words "THE END" written....When this happens no matter how much you try and recreate where you once were, you can't find it...Listen to your inner voice. You know you deserve better than what you are getting....Don't be stepped on or treat another like you are treating him...If you can't find yesterday, find tomorrow and a new life....It just "ain't" gonna work.....

Just my thoughts....TC, C

[Fallen1]

Sounds like you're just annoying each other rather than making each other happy. Move out, spend some time apart and see if anything rekindles. If not, move on with your life and find a relationship that will make you happy.

I agree with anonymous.

Moving out doesn't mean that you have to stop seeing each other. Spending time apart may help you two discover whatever it is that is at the root of your problem(s) and then you can work on resolving it/them and maybe save your relationship.

However, it is also possible that you may find out in the end that you are not suited for each other.

[Foxy1]

well we didnt break up the actual word were not said it was a thought but he called me this morning and said he really loved me and really wanted to continue on but we need alot of work on thing. He said he was frustrated. we covered alot about how we felt about each other today and we both agree to try harder. He said he hated how he hurts me and that we are this way and I also said I was sorry for everything. I know its not all better today its going to be a day by day thing but I need help on how to make the tention go awy so we can feel comfortable with each other again, we have always been great together the problems have just started to get worse so Its kinda hard for me to just let it go. we both have alot of stress on us.

[Foxy1]

I really apreciate your replies and it is something to consider maybe we are just spending to much time together. we might need time to think about things.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

As hard as it may be. The one thing you have to stop right now is the words that can never be taken back, it will haunt you later down the track, be thrown back in your face...

I know my ex-husband and i in the end, started doing what you two are doing and he still brings up things i said... and i started to hate him.

There were other issues and it didn't pan out, but on the same accord, he never said sorry and let's try, it was still always my fault... Kind of controlling...

So, just keep that in the back of your mind, as you go through your new process of togetherness.

Try to do different things, change things a bit, from the norm to make it more like a fresh start...

GOOD LUCK.

CW

[Foxy1]

thanks ill keep that in mind. It just seems kinda hard to look past what has been going on I feel like I failed in away by pushing him away when I didnt realize thats what I was doing. I have talked and talked and tried to come up with ways to make us better but he sees that as nagging and I only see it as trying to help us. He has gotten to the point where he doesnt want to hear it anymore.. He bring up the fact that you push me away its going to take a lil time. I ask him if hes just going to hold that over my head but he says hes not. I know guys react alot different than girls but It hurts when it feels that he doesnt care or show that he wants it to turn around just as much. He say he wants it to. what would be the best way to back off.. just dont talk about how I feel? what should I do to make myself feel ok again? does any one understand where Im coming from? any advice? We are still together and I cant really move out at this point I moved and stay almost three hrs. away from everyone I know.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well firstly, stop beating yourself up.. If your mind thinks negative thoughts, negativity is inevitable to happen. So, take a deep breath and remind yourself " we didn't break up", so possitive. Whilst you are in this negative state, it opens you to continue discussing "past" and as such receive comments alluding to them from him "you pushed me away", and off course, constant negativity going through your mind.

So, now your on a new road... he stayed....

Secondly, if you repeat the "past" like a broken record, it will continue won't it....

No point getting back together if all your going to do is reminise in the past, that's not going to assist the present or future.

So, it can be construed as "nagging", but personally i think it's questions, and wanting answers how to fix.. But, if he can't communicate with you in this fashion then he's not going to see that. So, leave the past where it belongs...

You may have a lot of emotions in addition and consequently constantly need to be told, it's okay, i love you, etc... There you have to learn to stand a bit taller and just know in the knowledge and not expect.

He may also have a hard time dealing with constant, but am i? etc.

Just let it all go... It happened... If there is any hope for any future together you have to breathe and let each other breathe and bring happiness and laughter into the relationship..

Get out some old photos, not soppy ones, fun ones, and laugh together.

Splash him with water from the sink when he walks past, when your doing the dishes,

show a real relaxed you, and find ways to release your stress more, walk around the block, breathe deep in and out, buy a book that makes you laugh, etc....

Enjoy your life....

CW

[Foxy1]

thank you that is really inspiring to me. It helps me relax a lil more. I am definately trying not to talk about the situation alot it just makes up fight because he says I never give him time to show me anything he says It just seems that im complaining. My feelings just seem so strong about us being better that it just gets the best of me and Its not right for me to talk him to death about it. Im trying to change that. Thank you so much for taking time and writing me.