[Candace L]

Is it possible to be married to someone that you are not physically or sexually attracted to? Monty asked me to marry him and I said yes but I dont know. I said yes because I know he will make a good father and husband and he has great future ahead of him. We dated in college and then got back in contact recently after me and Robert broke up. I went and visited him and there were no sparks it was just the easiness that I felt by being with him that I didnt feel when I was with Robert. I still am in love with Robert but there were a lot of issues in our relationship mostly because of me. What should I do? I am 28 Robert 36 and Monty 29.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

I don't think that you should ever marry for easiness and convenience - by doing that you're just ruining two peoples (and maybe your childrens) lives. You need to make choices in the search of happiness, not for what is easy and who can get a bigger car for your third kid. Besides, wouldn't you feel like a wh0re?

Chances are if you marry someone like that you'll just wind up cheating on them, and maybe them on you if they find someone who does actually display an interest in them.

Just.... Don't...

[maz33]

Is it possible to be married to someone that you are not physically or sexually attracted to? Monty asked me to marry him and I said yes but I dont know. I said yes because I know he will make a good father and husband and he has great future ahead of him. We dated in college and then got back in contact recently after me and Robert broke up. I went and visited him and there were no sparks it was just the easiness that I felt by being with him that I didnt feel when I was with Robert. I still am in love with Robert but there were a lot of issues in our relationship mostly because of me. What should I do? I am 28 Robert 36 and Monty 29.

Um yes it is. I'm married to someone who I'm not physically or sexually attracted to and it's not really working out too well. I must have been attracted to him when we first got together otherwise I wouldn't have had a child with him but to be completely honest I think I knew that I was sacrificing passion and excitement in exchange for security with the most decent man you could ever meet. Unfortunately, 8 years down the line I now feel totally unfulfilled sexually and emotionally and am considering ending our marriage. If you have any doubts, don't do it.

[Fire(m)]

Candace...NO WAY!!!!!!! Don't do it! I've been married for 22 years. Let me tell you. It's HARD to be married for 22 years, and I am CRAZY about my wife (we are crazy about eachother). Can you imagine what would have happened if we WEREN'T crazy about eachother? It wouldn't have lasted a year.

Marriage is great, but ONLY under the circumstances that you're with an IDEAL person. Otherwise, I can't imagine much that would be worse than marriage.

Good luck
Cheers.

[maz33]

Marriage is great, but ONLY under the circumstances that you're with an IDEAL person. Otherwise, I can't imagine much that would be worse than marriage.

I second that. It can feel quite like being a prisoner when you're in the wrong relationship. If I could turn back time I still would have had our son but wouldn't have got married.

[damd]

Is it possible to be married to someone that you are not physically or sexually attracted to? Monty asked me to marry him and I said yes but I dont know. I said yes because I know he will make a good father and husband and he has great future ahead of him. We dated in college and then got back in contact recently after me and Robert broke up. I went and visited him and there were no sparks it was just the easiness that I felt by being with him that I didnt feel when I was with Robert. I still am in love with Robert but there were a lot of issues in our relationship mostly because of me. What should I do? I am 28 Robert 36 and Monty 29.

Wow... Well since marriage sounds so whimsical does it really matter who you marry? You can always get devorced if you don't like it. After all, you need to do what is best for you, and not worry about other people. I'm sure it's not the first time you've had to make a simular decision.

[Fallen1]

I don't think that you should ever marry for easiness and convenience - by doing that you're just ruining two peoples (and maybe your childrens) lives. You need to make choices in the search of happiness, not for what is easy and who can get a bigger car for your third kid. Besides, wouldn't you feel like a wh0re?

Chances are if you marry someone like that you'll just wind up cheating on them, and maybe them on you if they find someone who does actually display an interest in them.

Just.... Don't...

I have to agree with everything Anon has said - I couldn't have said it better myself.

Wow... Well since marriage sounds so whimsical does it really matter who you marry? You can always get devorced if you don't like it. After all, you need to do what is best for you, and not worry about other people. I'm sure it's not the first time you've had to make a simular decision.

I sense a hint of sarcasm here ..... sadly enough these words hold true in to many cases today.

[rcoreyus]

Don't marry someone you don't love and aren't attracted to. It isn't fair to them. Most people want to come home to a spouse who loves them, who sometimes greets them with hugs and kisses, not a "how was your day?". I don't think marriage should be a business arangement.

I don't mean the above to be harsh - I understand how appealing a nice safe stable life can seem - but I think as the years went by you would feel you were missing something.

[Guest]

cut the rope with both of them. there needs to be spark in any relationship, but the comfort factor is just as important. Dont marry for sex, couples need to be in sync on a wide variety of issues for it to work. you cant have a spendthrift and a binge shopper together without issues. likewise both partners need to be on the same sheet of music on rearing and disciplining children or you end up arguing with each other more than properly rearing the kids. and of course, the sex does need to be good to.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

NO1 - chill out and stop posting in old threads eh?

Welcome and all that, but it's not worth posting in threads over a month old...