[macrod]

My best friend and I are growing apart and I am so hurt about it. We have been friends for 30 years now and have been there for each other during our ups and downs. I love her like a sister. But an old friend came back into the picture and now I feel like the third wheel. This friend has dropped out the picture before. The old friend is very nice and I like her too. I do not blame her for spending more time with her. They have more in common. Where as she is nice, I am not so nice. She doesn't work so she has alot free time and I have to work. There children get along well and are the same ages, mine is a preschooler. I found out that they were going to a water park and did not invite me. Afteward, my friend felt bad and said that I should take the day off and go with them. The truth is I could have done that but I am tired of being an afterthought. This is the second trip that they have done that to me and they have a third one plan that I just found about. I am hurt beyond words and I find myself crying over the end of our friendship. Should I call her and express my feelings or should I just let it go? I am sorry this is so long. Thanks!

[sourpuss]

Try not to let it get you down. If it were me, I'd make efforts to do things with your friend and occasionally invite the other woman along. But I would also try to make some other connections in my life and not rely on one single friend.

[macrod]

Thanks for the reply. I know that I need to make other friends, but at my age 43 it is not so easy. I have a wonderful supportive husband that gets along great with my friends husband and said the same thing that you said. I by no means want to give up my relationship with her and I do enjoy the old friend so I will include them in (some) of my plans. But it is not easy being replaced. And I guess since tomorrow is the waterpark trip I am so sensitive to this subject. I have been wanting to call her, but I do not want to ruin her day with my pity party. Thanks again!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think maybe your viewing this all wrong.

When an "old" friend comes back into the picture and the "three" of you are not compatible, then two things are going to happen.

1. Your best friend has other friends and will go out with them alone, as it's "me" time with that particular friend.

AND:-

2. She knows that the three of you aren't like 3 sisters, so she keeps it separate.

AND:-

3. Doesn't make you a lesser friend at all, just time spent with a different friend.


I have a "Sister" who lives in QLD Australia, I live in SA, Australia. We have been friends for 18 years.

She has another "close" friend whom i don't get along with.

When she comes to Adelaide, she stays with her, not because she doesn't love me, but because she is alergic to pet fur, and because it's always been the case even before we were friends.

But, she does see me when she is here and we do go out alone, not with the other friend, as her and i don't see eye to eye.

She loves me un-conditionally and me her, but she knows the (3) of us can't go out together, and I know that there is nothing in it, i am her sister, as much as the other girl is.

It's the way life is.

This other girl does the wrong thing by my "sister", my "sister" knows that but still cares for her, probably loves me more if truth be known, she has stated such, but bottom line is she has "two" good friends. And, we all have "other" friends as well.

The difficult thing is she is probably "your" only true friend so you sometimes can feel threatened over that.

You do need to make more friends as well so you can appreciate the closeness of this friend and understand that she has more than 1 as you should, but that you two are very very close.

CW

[macrod]

Thanks Chandler. My dh and I are going to try to find couples with young children. But my friend is my only true friend. She can not be replaced. You are right in that I feel threatned. I do not want to feel that way. I like the old friend. I introduced them. She comes in the picture then she leaves. But when she comes back she is the prodigal son. But I know she loves me. I have just had a really bad year- hysterctomy. I am so hormonal. I can't tell you how great it is to "talk" this out with someone other than my dh. Thanks again.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Thanks Chandler. My dh and I are going to try to find couples with young children. But my friend is my only true friend. She can not be replaced. You are right in that I feel threatned. I do not want to feel that way. I like the old friend. I introduced them. She comes in the picture then she leaves. But when she comes back she is the prodigal son. But I know she loves me. I have just had a really bad year- hysterctomy. I am so hormonal. I can't tell you how great it is to "talk" this out with someone other than my dh. Thanks again.

I think the beauty of a Forum such as this is that you can vent, you can express your emotions and you can have people to talk to

Your friendship is strong and will keep going for another 30 years but good for you to make the decision to obtain more friends as well, some will only just past the aquaintance list, haha, true... But, the more the merrier...

CW