[torn2pieces]

I seen this morning on my fiances iphone that he has visited and created a profile on a site strictly for having an affair. So I should not be and I should know with no doubt that he would and is looking to have an affair, right?

What should I do?

I will tell you what I did. I created a fake profile also, not to cheat but to send him messages and see if he replies. I have to catch him if he is doing dirt.

Should I confront him now?

We already have an issue of me going through his phone. But I can easily say I was just trying to get on the internet (the page was open). We do not have internet set up at home so his phone is our only source right now.

I am so hurt so so so so hurt to know that he is looking elsewhere. We have not been arguing and we have been having sex so I have no idea why he is looking somewhere else. I am so hurt but I need to do something.

I feel like he needs to know that I know. Please help.

[misslili]

I would go ahead and bust him. The sooner he knows that you know and it's not okay, the sooner you can talk about it. My husband also did this, and it was a way for him to be someone else, to live a fantasy. He isn't feeling too confident right now, and to these women on these sites, he can be anyone he wants to be. That may be what your man is doing. But he still needs to stop it. Once he gets into it too far, it will be hard to stop. Ask him why, and see if he is just feeling that he's missing something in his life. It doesn't necessarily have to do with you. But if you start playing the game too, then it will be hard to make the point that it is wrong. Good luck!

[Joy]

Besides i've had friends that have done this to there man. They find the account then they set up a fake account. They chat, intice them, set up a meeting, and bust them. If you go looking for this hurt you will find it.

If you go and "be the other woman" on yourself besure you can handle it. Either use the information to make your relationship better or to know you are gonna hate him and end it. Maybe he is just looking for an ego stroke but doesn't wanna beg for it from you. Its your choice just make sure you can handle it.

Many, many boyfriends ago i was using his email account with his permission and came across emails from an x that he had saved...(they were dated before we met) their chatter back and forth was intimate and racy. My first reaction was rage...... then i realized i got exactly what i deserved oh did i fail to mention i opened one of the folders (Whoops)

I calmed myself down and got it together realized i set myself up for that hurt.... he came back a while later haha he could still tell something was up I confessed made it clear i wasn't mad..... i got what i deserved. He deleted them anyway end of story.

[Mrs Muse]

I agree. Talk with him. Ask him why he did it and what it is that the web site can give him that you can't. Maybe it's a fantasy, maybe he's just currious. But you won't know until you break down and confront him and don't let him say you shouldn't have been snooping.

[torn2pieces]

Besides i've had friends that have done this to there man. They find the account then they set up a fake account. They chat, intice them, set up a meeting, and bust them. If you go looking for this hurt you will find it.

If you go and "be the other woman" on yourself besure you can handle it. Either use the information to make your relationship better or to know you are gonna hate him and end it. Maybe he is just looking for an ego stroke but doesn't wanna beg for it from you. Its your choice just make sure you can handle it.

Many, many boyfriends ago i was using his email account with his permission and came across emails from an x that he had saved...(they were dated before we met) their chatter back and forth was intimate and racy. My first reaction was rage...... then i realized i got exactly what i deserved oh did i fail to mention i opened one of the folders (Whoops)

I calmed myself down and got it together realized i set myself up for that hurt.... he came back a while later haha he could still tell something was up I confessed made it clear i wasn't mad..... i got what i deserved. He deleted them anyway end of story.

I really appriciate your response. Yes I want to tell him that I know. I am almost sure he will just get on the defensive (as always) and not share with me his feelings and talk to me. How do I confess that I was looking at the sites he was on. I should just be truthful, don't you think?

[Mrs Muse]

You have to be the bigger person. You also have to get it through his thick skull that it's not ok. That if he thinks for a moment it's ok to do something that hurts you then you are going to give him very specific instructions to where the front door is and how to use it. That's my opinion.

[Joy]

You could use this in a fun way you can be the other woman and seduce him and after many convo's of his sexual fantisy's be agressive set up a meeting at a hotel have a whole set up of romance candles the whole nine yards and fulfill what he wants be the whole package. Show him that you wanna be everything to him. I can see how this would backfire too cause well you have to be very secure in your relationship and as a person. Its not the greatest advice

Is he defensive because the confrontations you guys have are always explosive? Why does he not share his feelings? I know lots of guys don't but how can the two of you get to that point where ya wanna share everything? He is your fiance and you plan to get married communication and open communication where no ones Ego is talking is the best. You really have to listen to that person not here one word that sets off fear of rejection we'll say as an example and stop listening and start building a defense as to why your partner is wrong.

Are you able to start today give him a lot of positive feed back of how great he is, how sexy he is, how great he smells and how much you love being in his arms? ect.

When is your wedding? Could He be getting committment jitters and feels like omg i'm never gonna have another woman hit on me ever again??

As far as you finding the site if you guys use the same phone right now for internet well then its all good. You are gonna be his wife and he should have nothing to hide. marriage means giving up that single life its a commitment you make to yourself and to the man/woman you are gonna marry.

good luck keep posting

[torn2pieces]

[QUOTE=Joy;57573]You could use this in a fun way you can be the other woman and seduce him and after many convo's of his sexual fantisy's be agressive set up a meeting at a hotel have a whole set up of romance candles the whole nine yards and fulfill what he wants be the whole package. Show him that you wanna be everything to him. I can see how this would backfire too cause well you have to be very secure in your relationship and as a person. Its not the greatest advice

Is he defensive because the confrontations you guys have are always explosive? Why does he not share his feelings? I know lots of guys don't but how can the two of you get to that point where ya wanna share everything? He is your fiance and you plan to get married communication and open communication where no ones Ego is talking is the best. You really have to listen to that person not here one word that sets off fear of rejection we'll say as an example and stop listening and start building a defense as to why your partner is wrong.

Are you able to start today give him a lot of positive feed back of how great he is, how sexy he is, how great he smells and how much you love being in his arms? ect.

When is your wedding? Could He be getting committment jitters and feels like omg i'm never gonna have another woman hit on me ever again??

As far as you finding the site if you guys use the same phone right now for internet well then its all good. You are gonna be his wife and he should have nothing to hide. marriage means giving up that single life its a commitment you make to yourself and to the man/woman you are gonna marry.

good luck keep posting[/QUOTE

Thanks so much. As of now he has not responded and I have not seen any more activity from him on the site, by the way I have his login password for that site.

I've seen things like this before from him, he will make a profile (nothing like this site tho) and then not have any activity after that.

Yes unfortunatly our arguments have blown up and I have accused, asked and asked about things and with my own investigation (not just his word) I have found that he was innocent and I was just trippin'. So with those arguments he is really on the defense when It comes to me asking him about shyt. It's like he don't even give an opportunity to talk, he closes up and then when I ask him again about it or tell him I want to talk about it, it seems as I am nagging.

We do not even have a wedding date yet, honestly we are not officially engaged because he has not got down and purposed to me. We talk about it and often he has in a fun way asked me "Are you sure I am the man you want to marry", it's like a way to reassure before he asks me. I noticed a wedding advertising book in our car (he must of picked it up when he was out) but I threw it out the window in anger. If he was to ask me today I couldn't say yes and I do not want to feel like I am leading him on to believe that I will marry him. He also has the outlook that why be together if we are not going to get married, I feel slightly different.

I am just afraid that no matter how calm I am when I bring this to him that he will shut down and not be open for conversation and that will lead us into 3-4 days of uneasiness, being mad, no love...and that bothers me more than it should.

To give you a little background on us. It will be 2 years in March. I have a 7 year old girl that he is a GREAT father to and we have a 4 month old.

[Joy]

In the instance of the wedding book advertising you are sending mixed signals to him. Um lots of men out there would not take the intersts to even pick up books like that. It sounds to me as if he is putting it out there and you shoot him down. We all get angry so no worries but don't litter anymore k lol.

These sites could be " if she doesn't want to commit and validate my feelings someone out there will" I'm not saying its a good strategy he is working but its his own lil retaliation.

You say you investigate and find nothing that you're trippin over nothing. Whatever past hurt is triggering this fear you have with your "fiance" you need to deal with. If someone has been nothing but a big cheat in your past you can't hold him responsible for that. You will only end up creating resentment in this relationship. Its hard to trust ourselves and others when someone has already been so carless with our hearts.

You are right in the fact that these sites are not the right approach to get your attention but if you never find activity on them after then i think they are just that a way to get your attention. He doesn't see it from your point that it creates more fear and non trust issues for you.

Have a great day!

[torn2pieces]

In the instance of the wedding book advertising you are sending mixed signals to him. Um lots of men out there would not take the intersts to even pick up books like that. It sounds to me as if he is putting it out there and you shoot him down. We all get angry so no worries but don't litter anymore k lol.

These sites could be " if she doesn't want to commit and validate my feelings someone out there will" I'm not saying its a good strategy he is working but its his own lil retaliation.

You say you investigate and find nothing that you're trippin over nothing. Whatever past hurt is triggering this fear you have with your "fiance" you need to deal with. If someone has been nothing but a big cheat in your past you can't hold him responsible for that. You will only end up creating resentment in this relationship. Its hard to trust ourselves and others when someone has already been so carless with our hearts.

You are right in the fact that these sites are not the right approach to get your attention but if you never find activity on them after then i think they are just that a way to get your attention. He doesn't see it from your point that it creates more fear and non trust issues for you.

Have a great day!

Thanks and I know I shouldn't litter. I am against it.

Thanks for giving me your point of view on this. He don't know I threw the book out, it was in the car from when he was driving it, but I have the car all the time so he hasn't noticed it gone. Even though I did throw that out I don't feel (but won't bank on it) that I have given him reason to think or feel that I am not ready to commit or be married. I will check myself on that though, cause I want marriage but only one marriage.

You have no idea, he does ALOT of good things that the average man wouldn't do.