[Guest]

Please Take Heed

I know about this kind of abuse stuff extremely well. I was associated with it for a number of yrs. and lived around it. I won't go into details that does not matter now. What does matter now is
1. N01 advise is dead on, You must leave Now!
2. Until your Husband does something first to admit he has a serious problem and do something about it. It Will get worse.
3. The facts and statistics are out there to prove it.
4. If he ever ( what they call blacks out ) & some people that drink are well aware of what this is ) they are apt to do anything, I mean anything.
5. Not only to you but your son also, he might happen to be in the way.
6. Yes he cries and boo hoo's but he's not genuinely sorry or he would do something about his problem.
7. One of the things about alcohol issues, most people don't even realize they have a problem until something snaps and they come to themselves.

But, you need to realize in a DEAD SERIOUS way that like N01 said you maybe in a coffin by the time that happens.

Please get out, do what ever you have to do, run now. When the dust settles and you can hopefully talk to your man in a civil manner possibly then he will seek help

You might think I'm being harsh or cold, but we do really care. I know it's hard, many women in this scenario try to stick it out to when ever and then when ever never comes! You may feel I'm trying to scare you, but really you need a Healthy Fear so you can do the right thing - Good luck to you!

[Searching_82]

I would get out now. Yes, the finances might be an issue but you can get assistance with that. Money is no reason to stay in an abusive relationship. What if it just gets worse? Best of luck to you

[WildChild]

Right now it's finances, later it will be something else. Your child is growing up absorbing all of this. What kind of future do you want for him? Do you want him to think this is how men and women interact? He does. He learns what you live more than what you say.

Kind men don't hit. Kind men don't abuse.
By staying in this relationship you are enabling and supporting his behavior and YOU are abusing your child by allowing him to be exposed to this. I know because I've been there. At the very least contact AA and join a group for the children and families of alcoholics, get into counseling and learn why you are willing to tollerate this in your life. You've miised the window of opportunity on this incident - you could have had him out of the house, a restraining order, him ordered into counseling and yourself on track to a life free of abuse. Instead you are wondering how to further enable him by hiding what he does. The tears are cr**, he may be sorry right now but later he'll just be more po'd and build on it.

Start stashing money where he cannot get at it or know about it. Have a safe house - a friend, he doesn't know that you and your child can go underground to. Make copies of all the financial and personal documents and put them in safekeeping with someone outside your family and who isn't his freind. Start creating records of incidents, everything you can remember. The courts won't take your word for it- you will have to have proof and be prepared to have your life examined under a microscope. Stash extra car keys where you can get at them in a crisis, outside the house and inside. Keep changes of clothes for yourself and child in your car and at a freinds.

Really this advice is inadequate, you need to GET OUT NOW. Or Get Him Out. Your judgement is screwed up, that's a brutally honest assessment. People who have been abused lose their ability to protect themselves, we have trouble acting in our own best interests. Our natural self defenses are totally messed up. When the people who are supposed to love and protect us are the ones we need to be protected from, it messes us up. The first step is awareness. This is your wake up call! If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your child. Do you want to reach the point that social services is taking over your life? Walk out in public, go to work, face the music!!! You've kept yourself there. You aren't protecting your husband. You are protecting your own failure to act in your behalf and your child's behalf. Staying home until you heal could take weeks. Staying in the marriage tells hubby that what he did is OK, if it wasn't you would have called the cops (I've had this thrown at me in court as 'proof' that I was lying about abusive behavior).

The most positive, loving thing I can tell you is get off your duff, get mad and get out! Do It Now!!! Reading this and what In-Need and some others have said may hurt right now but one day you will know that we are saying the most caring thing possible. You have to protect your self and your child and reclaim your life, the only way someone else will do it for you will be when it reaches the point that you and/or child is leaving the house on a stretcher, hopefully to an ambulance not the morgue. You are better than this, you and your child deserve better. Get free so you can have the life you deserve! THere is so much good inthe world give yourself a chance to experience it!

[alicat]

I was in a 23 year marriage to an alcoholic abuser, it will not get better, it will not stop and you are not doing your child any favors by staying in the marriage even one day more. Get out now or at the very least step up your time line drastically. Contact an attorney for what you need to do NOW to protect your assets and credit. Open up your own bank account and use a different bank because if you use the same one there are chances for him finding out.

There are a lot worse things than bad credit, having your son see his dad treat his mom like this will have a lasting influence on him.