[Searching_82]

I am dreading it...I always do but my counceler thinks that this is what is best if I am so concerned about remaining friends with my ex...or rather getting through this divorce together and trying to make it not get ugly. Its just everytime I go to lunch (as previous posts have said) he takes no interest in me or what I'm doing. I try and start conversations and they just stall out and then there is silence.

Last week he threw out the guilt card again about everything going on and me knowing what I want, and his family...I started to cry and he kept saying "why do you cry over my family?" "why does it bother you so bad to see them hurting?"...almost like guilting me into feeling even worse about what I was doing.

I'm going to try really hard today to stay positive and focussed and NOT let him make me feel guilty for what I am doing....I just wish he could understand but I know that is going to be difficult for him...I just always leave those lunches feeling like about myself...ugh. Keep you posted.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey Searching, how did the lunch go?

Don't cry either, it is his pain and so he is throwing what may hurt you too, it's a self mechanism thing for himself to feel better about the situation... Understand that and it may help you not be hurt by his actions and words.

CW

[elsa_niloo]

I think you have sooo much guts for leaving him. I left mine for 2 days but he kept begging me come back and we did counselling so i did come back.

Its not easy at all, but if you think it's for the best hang in there and do as you think is best. we are here to support you.

[WildChild]

Hope you got through this ok. If nothing else think of it as a hardening process. Weaning you off him. If he keeps acting like a jerk it will be that much easier.

[24glenda]

HI

Wow ..u Have Guts To Leave Him I Left Mine Husband 7 Months Ago And We Back Together Ever Since We Been Good But We Have Our Ups And Down..i Got Back With Him 1 Week Later I Left Him He Kept Begging Too..keep Me Posted

[Joy]

Hey how did lunch go? Just out of curiousity how was your conversation style when you were together? I know you want this marriage to end but if he is trying to guilt you into coming back i would think he would be more pleasant and light during lunch showing you what you are missing..... not what you are trying to get away from???

Make sure to do something nice for yourself today to lift your spirits and clean out negative feelings surrounding you.

[Searching_82]

Hi All!

Lunch actually went pretty good. I didn't really give him an opportunity to guilt anything this time. We talked about him wrecking his car, as he is now looking for a new one..I kept him talking about a party he had at our old house on Saturday, when all else failed we talked about hockey lol. I just kept asking questions. At this point I dont expect him to say "Hows this" "Hows that" so I'll just keep firing questions away to try my best to keep spirits light.

And howabout this....NO CRYING!!!! I was so proud of myself for that :O)

[Searching_82]

I know you want this marriage to end but if he is trying to guilt you into coming back i would think he would be more pleasant and light during lunch showing you what you are missing..... not what you are trying to get away from???

You would think that huh...he doesn't get it. Its like the whole I'll change! I'll change! and nothing ever happens (been there too!)...saying and doing are two different things. Thats what everyone says. They're like 'wow if someone was leaving me I would have woke up by now and tried my hardest to get them back...this just shows hes selfish and is not getting it and will never change'. In my mind I agree and that being the case I dont want to be with someone like that

[Joy]

That is awesome! You go girl.... onward and upward Your right some ppl don't get it.

Have a great day!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Definately don't get it.. You reminded me of my ex... I asked him 8 weeks after I left, soooo, what do you love about me the most? He replied " Your intelligent and good looking".. haha.. mmmm...

I would personally have said, your heart, your mind or something a bit better, that was like, well you look good on my arm and you'll bring me in money hehe.

Na, but seriously, my ex did the same as well... He had a chance there for 2 months to correct the errors, instead he said , " I have circumed to all your demands, i come to your house each time, i drive here, etc, etc,. " Um, no..... sorry darl you made a small sacrafice? poor thing... what a shame.

They don't get it, if they live in a "selfish" world.

Way good for you not crying and being clever in your conversations and for seeing what really is in front of you.

CW