[MarineBugler]

*deep breath*

First of all, I'd like to thank anyone who makes it all the way through this and offers any advice they have.

I am a 20 year old in the United States Marine Corps. I just recently got married on September 5th of this year. My husband and I dated only for about a year and a half before getting married (my first mistake?). During the time we were dating we had some issues with him talking to ex girlfriends, denying he was with me and him talking online to random girls. However, once I told him I knew everything he stopped and we worked through it and moved on... or so I thought.

Here's where it gets tricky. He used to play this game online (sort of like world of warcraft but not - it's an online roleplaying game). I was always suspicious with the amount of time he spent on it but whenever I would look over his shoulder nothing would seem to be out of the ordinary.
Two nights ago I was on his computer (mine was broken) and his MSN popped up and signed in automatically. In the time it took me to move my mouse to close it and IM pops up with "Hey beautiful". I really just thought it was all kind of funny considering the email that he had logged in with wasn't his. I went on with the conversation for about 5 minutes. Then I found out my husband had pretended to be me and had an online lesbian relationship with her. I know this sounds crazy but it's the honest truth. He even sent her *ahem* pictures of me naked!! She knew every detail about me and my life. She almost didn't believe me when I told her I was the real me... imagine how shocked both of us were...

So... wow.

I'm still in shock. Is this cheating? Is this a mental problem? What should I do... I'm just so lost... help?



-codie

[impatientlywaiting]

Hmmm... this is a tough one. You ask if this is cheating, thats not exactly something anyone can say for sure, as everyone has thier personal views on what cheating is. BUT personally I think it's more of an attack on your privacy...Giving her personal private details about you would have hurt me more than what he actually did. Have you confronted him about it? Asked him what he was doing or why he was doing it? It could have been something as simple as he was using this girl to play out erotic fantasies he has/had...you with another woman? Or it could be something completely different I obviously can't say for sure.
Btw I too am 20, not married but have been with my fiance for almost 4 years and we are expecting our 2nd child in the new year, so you might as well say we are married...lol but put in the same situation I think I'd feel my privacy violated more than cheated... husband or not he had no right telling this girl your life story let alone send pictures you no doubt intended for private veiwings by yourself and your hubby...I do think though that you should at least confront him after all you didn't go on his computer with the purpose of snooping, it more or less fell into your lap...I mean no one can tell you exactly what he was doing or why except for him... Wish I could have been more help...good luck and keep us posted There are alotta awesome people on this site that would probably be more than willing to share thier wisdom with those in need of it

[rileysbestbet]

Hi,

I am new here, (have been "lurking" for a number of days, though, and decided this is a terrific forum ), so I hope you don't mind me replying, but your post really hit a nerve with me.

There is no way to put this delicately, so I won't try. He violated your privacy and trust. The internet is so very public, and for him to post pics of you without your permission is just plain stupid. I think this generation has gotten so used to writing and doing everything online that the dangers seem to take a backseat. In reality, what he did is very dangerous, and I think you need to find out why he did it. In truth, he has no idea who he was "talking" to online. I really wish people would remember that the internet, as wonderful as it is, can be used for bad as well as good. Maybe he thought he was being clever, thinking no harm, no foul, but in my opinion he has some "splainin" to do. Maybe joint counseling would be in order so you both can figure out why role playing is so important to him. I think it would be much more fun to have you play a role with him instead of the internet characters. As I am sitting here thinking about this, maybe he was thinking he was just playing another role, like in the online game, which, by the way, can be very addicting. I know people, both sexes, that will play for days on end without hardly a break. I love the internet, and I play computer games, but something is truly wrong with that, IMHO.
Anyway, I hope you are able to sit him down for a good heart to heart. He needs to know that was inappropriate behavior, and it needs to stop.

[Joy]

This is not cool what ever excuse he has.... its one thing if he had conversation with this women under pretenses that it was you but to send this woman naked pics of you... um there are so many naked pics availalbe on line he didn't actually have to use your personal pics. that is a complete violation of trust right there... then using your account... and well there are a lot of issues here.

[MarineBugler]

impatientlywaiting:

I most certainly do think it was an attack on my privacy! The whole thing is just ridiculous. I have tried to talk to him about it. He gets very defensive and pushes me away. He won't even give me an answer to the question why. I'm just so hurt that he can't open up to me. I already know the whole situation so it's not like he can hurt me much more. I think he is more embarrassed than anything. But, maybe he should have thought about that before he did this.



rileysbestbet:

New or old I don't mind you commenting I appreciate all support. You are very right... I am so angry that my pictures are floating around. I'm just hoping that it really was some innocent girl that was just as violated as I was. Y'know... before we got together he said that he used to have an addiction to porn. Maybe that never went away. The thing is - I want to go to counseling and stuff but I don't know if I could ever put this whole thing behind me. I realized last night that it can never be the same. Our relationship can never be the same. My feelings will never be the same. & that is very scary to me considering we've only been married for a couple of months. I suppose I'll try talking to him for a third time today.


Joy:

Yes, many many issues. That is why I am so ... well, just completely lost. That's why I think I will never get over this... even if I did get over this and we could be intimate again I think I would just think about this time and feel disgusted.

[WildChild]

You may want to talk to someone at your local police or sheriff's dept and find out what the laws are in this. Finding out that he has done something that could be chargable might just shake him up.

What are your limits? What does he have to do to re-earn your trust? Can it be repaired? Issue of cheating or not aside, what affect could these pics have on your career? What if your commanding officer learns of this? I don't know much about the military but could it have negative affect?

Personally I have a long history of waiting too long to get out of a bad relationship and giving too many chances, trying to fix it, seeing if he'll improve, somethings are deal breakers and then you need to get out before it gets any deeper. If he won't go into counseling, won't talk, won't admit this was deeply wrong OR if you don't think you'll be able to trust him again or be intimate with him, then get out now! Cut your loses.

[Guest]

First off...

Thank you for your service to our country!

I don't know if you could call it cheating, but it was definitely a violation of your trust. You need to sit down with yourself and figure out what your personal line in the sand is and whether or not this crosses it.

Try talking with him again and see if you can get to the "why", and to who else he's sent your pics to, because if he did it once, he's probably done it a few times.