[geogeo]

my husband to be decided he did not want me 4 months before our wedding. I have supported him so much and stuck by him....I found out about different loans he had about 6 months ago and it put so much pressure on us that i blame myself. He got loans out to make me happy ...the ring .....improving my house but I never understood why he never talked to me about it first. He lied about money all the time and always wanted the best of everything but never thought about the consequences or the pressure it would have on us. I became an angry person and could not help becoming snappy as I saw my wages come in I was trying to pay his debts off and pay for the wedding. Dont get me wrong there was other loans.... for his car top of the range that he wanted instead of a slighter model he could afford. I never knew about this loan either or the 5 grand debt he had with TSB when I met him. He blames me for the breakdown of our relationship saying i was an angry person and my cup was half emty instead of half full. He allowed me to get a loan out for our honeymoon of 10 grand .....I booked the hooneymoon for 5 and a half grand not knowing he had all of the debts at this point ....gave him a grand and a half of it and kept the rest for bits for the wedding. He called off the wedding 7 weeks later saying he could not go on with it anymore. The next day he was ringing up to cancel all the wedding stuff and that hurt like you would not believe....I blame myself that I was angry with him and that is why he lied all the time......I love him so much and think that at 33 I will never meet anyone agan. It breaks my heart all the time...cant sleep ...cant eat and have lost a stone in weight.....I miss him so much and feel I have lost the most important person in my life and that he cares nothing for me and just finds this easy. .........I hold on to everyones words searching for relief ...knid words ....a way to forgive myself for being angry with him. I must be a bad person as I have lost two peopel in relationships and feel I am not good enough for anyone.... How do I sotp the pain and move on?...everyone says that I can do better but I reallt cant see that. We were so close ...so happy and yes we did argue towards the end but i weanted to work through it and get through it because i loved him I was like a super hero ...he was not and i question if he ever loved me...maybe a mde him stop loving me i will never know...Im here now in pain not knowing how I can face another day and start again...love again...trust again? you tell me Im hurting so much and can feel my heat breaking.....no glue is strong enough to put it together...they say time heals but for me every day that passes takes me further away from him

[Passion]

I know how you feel. Exactly one month ago. My husband of two years and boyfriend of 15 years told me over the phone that he was going to divorce me. Two weeks after that he filed for divorce and three days after that he gave a 30 day notice to the home that we were leasing. Haven's seen him since. he refuses to see me, talk to me, or even hear from me, and it hurts really hurts. Because like you I have supported him through out our relationship and I feel betrayed. As of now I still wake up in the middle of the night In Shock and thinking about him, where he is at, who he is with, why he was able to let go so easy. I often feel myself so alone and feeling unworthy of anything. It still hurts bad and yes people do say that things get better but at the moment you dont think about that you just yearn to be around him, see him, and hear his voice. You will have your good days where you think okay I can do it and then your bad days where you feel like your whole world is falling apart. People often say well now you have time for yourself and you will think well I don't want time for myself. You need to think ahead and plan what you are going to do. I know it is hard because you are caught up in so much pain but little by little it will get better. It is going to be hard to forget the memories that you have had with him but just think about the new memories that you want to make in the future. I am 34 years old and I also feel like you, be strong, talk to anyone that you can. They will be there for you like they are there for me. You will even meet new people without you even looking for it. Since my seperation I have gotten close to all of my friends and to new people that I would never have imagined with be there for me. At the beginning I relied on this site. I still look forward to this site as you will get so many people supporting you and encouraging you.

[Joy]

Geo,

Money is a hard issue for all couples. Its even harder when one lies and hides money issues. Couples should have to go to money couselling in my opionion cause everyone has different habits.

You are not unworthy of love. We are all worthy of love. You are 33 you will find love again that is not old and all is not lost. This must be a big shock to what you were expecting to happen in your life.

I don't think you need to feel bad if the money issues turned you into a angry person. You had every right to be angry if this was putting financial pressure on you that you could not handle. It is hard when one person in the couple is forcing the other to be the responsible money manager while they get to spend like there is no tomorrow and be irresponsible. Its really not fair.

I know your heart hurts but you must take a sober look at this situation. What was the real deal if he can throw all this away at the first hardship of money. You deserve someone who is going to stand beside you not run away.

take this time to heal your heart. You are worth it

xx

[Guest]

you are a wonderful person and worthy of someone who treats you properly.

money issues are a killer. if the couple doesnt agree generally on how to handle money, it will bleed over into everything else. get out sooner rather than later if you are so inclined.

[geogeo]

heartbroken

I cried when I read your replies....He has been in touch with me and in the e-mail he talks of other things he thought I should return. I guess he means the engagement ring...god it hurts so much is this what it has to come down to? I am folded up in side and I go to work with this ache and pain ...when I take a breath I can feel my heart hurting. Its every where I go....like a black hole... He wants to meet up to discuss the smaller details .....I couldnt after the way he treated me last week. I think he enjoys seeing me in pain and I had to think of my health as I know Im not strong enough to see him....I would cry...I think the worst thing is knowing he does not love me as you dont treat people you love like this. He does not hurt the way I do and I often wonder how he came to hate me so much. Am scared of loving anyone when feelings can change so quickly...It was only a month ago he said to me I cant wait until you are mrs................. I often wonder if I am being punished in life as that is how it feels. The pain is so bad and i dont think I could go through this anymore. I so wanted children and feel my last chance has gone with a man I really love.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If a person is going to "hide things from you and lie", ask yourself at 33, what good will that do you, 10 years from now when you lose your house, your children are homeless? Because, he gets into more debt.

He says that it's your fault, he felt he had to please you all the time, but then hun, he had a $5,000 debt before you both met that you didn't know about, and other debts that he hid from you since, nothing to do with spending it on you.

He has no financial control over his life and so, easy way out is to be blame you, it's your fault. No, it's his fault, it was a problem of his, all his life and will be.

Someone said something to me yesterday that 1) not only made sense, but 2) made me realise that "trying" all you can, sometimes is "pointless" because in reality, you missed the signs that otherwise seen, you would have walked long before.

As others have said, you are worthly.. You don't need expensive weddings and gifts and the best engagement ring... That's something you need to see for yourself, what you are searching for is "truth, honestly, communication, love"...

Ask yourself did he tell you the truth?
Was he honest?
Was he great at communicating?
Did he make you feel loved outside of material things?

Or were you his "trophy, prize" and so like other things on his shelf, that is where you would have ended.

33 Is not old... I am 45, and I am not old...

Stop searching for that "husband" to have children with and start searching for you, and love yourself.... he will walk into your life..

He may not be able to buy you at $10k wedding, but he will give you all the things you are craving that you are questioning why you can't have, because you realised the importance of you and who you are.

CW

Firstly the ring is a "gift" you do no have to return it...

Secondly, that is the only reason why he want's to meet up and you can bet that in selling the ring, he will not go pay it off, rather use the money to pay the monthly "joint" debts but also buy something for himself, or spend on himself...

[geogeo]

At work today ...last day then I head home to spend time with my parents. Had a lump in my throat seeing everyone at work full of Christmas cheer. Its just amazing how one person can just get your life and turn it upside down..........I want to cry and sitting here looking out my window I feel so much grief......Dont feel at times I am strong enough to get through this. How do I do it? How do I stop feeling like I have wrecked my relationship. I have heard nothing form him ...nothing at all......He said he was going to send an e-mail to do with how we settle this but I have had nothing. Dont think he will give me half the money for the honeymoon. I dont care as its not money thats going to take this pain away. I try to read between the lines in his e-mails so it is probably best he does'nt send me one as it is like a knife through the heart. I think of him enjoying his life without me...full of Christmas spirit and Im here breaking my heart over him. I was suppose to be going to his parents tomorrow for Christmas....had the train ticket and everything.....I picture him going without me...a new year for him a new start...a smile on his face and again I can fell a cracking feeling in my heart. I just cant eat and I wake up in the night having panic attacks...I worry all the time ...what will I do? How can I go on? How can I stop this pain...What will I do on our wedding day that is no longer...only 3 months away and then it hits me can I keep feeling this way Im not sure....Im just not sure. In despair ...so scared.........

[Guest]

I'm so sorry you are hurt and crying so much. truth is there will be a lot more of that in the near future. but it will be a whole lot less than if you dragged this out for years.

You are a special person and there are decent people out there!

[geogeo]

Thankyou so much for all your kind words it really does help

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You are worth more than he ever gave...

One day you will see that.

Christmas is a time where you can feel depressed for sure...

Give that love that is evident within you to all whom are "now" in your life, they need you, you need them.

You will get married.... To someone beautiful... when you see that "so are you".

CW