[geogeo]

Well here I am as sad as it is on Christmas day.....I am just trying to get through Christmas and actually looking forward to getting back to my own house. Although there are memories there I want some kind of routine back in my life. I am on the tablets now but it makes me feel distant and unable to concentrate....makes me confused but they dont take away the pain....I go back home on the 29th and am not quite sure what I will do new year.....probably go to bed and curl up in a ball so that It is all over quickly. Dont know why but i sleep alot at the moment ...still dream of him and woke up this morning and actually could imagine him near me ...by my side and for the first time in what seems ages I felt a warm happy feeling until I realised it was all over. Im so scared this feeling wont pass so scared it will last for ever and so scared never to hold him again....feel that feeling...the happiness. I would give anything to have one more day with him ...all the days I thought would last for ever If I had of known this was going to happen I would have tried to stop this ...try to turn back time. Ive got to a point where I dont care about meeting anyone again just feel like sheltering myself from life and pain...dont want to feel this again........

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's only the beginning, of the rest of your life.....

Get plenty of hugs from your Mum and Dad, whilst there, they are your comfort and you will find someone again, someone beautiful and better, who won't try to "buy" love and rack up bills, xxx

He
Will
Just
Love
You


Merry Christmas sweetheart.

CW

[geogeo]

merry Xmas

Thanks for your kind words...I am really trying..My mum was really sad this morning. She said I though this was it I thought you had found happiness. I said to her its alright mum one day I will meet someone kind and honest.....I heard myself say it but it was more to make her feel happy. Im so mad at myself that I work through different acts in my head that he comes back .....what I would say....how I would feel. But I know that is not going to happen. Why cant I let go? Why do I still hope that he will not be able to cope without me when he allready is? I want to let go I just dont seem to be able to do it ....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

..My mum was really sad this morning. She said I though this was it I thought you had found happiness.

Your Mother, "as my Mother" wants the best for us sweet... And, as such, they say things that they "think" will comfort..

It didn't did it, it made it feel like even my Mother thought this would work.

No darlin...

She WANTED you to be happy, so don't hear those words and feel like you have let her down.

I said to her its alright mum one day I will meet someone kind and honest.....

What you said to her, was how you truly feel.. And, she would have heard it...

And, my guess is you are right... You will...

I did..


CW

[marple1965]

You have captured how I too feel. I posted ealier about my husband of 20 years moving out 2 days before Christmas. I am so sad! What you posted is also how I feel but, we have to keep going. There will be a better day in the future.

We have family and friends who do love us. We have to work to overcome the pain and find new things to fill this missing part.

It sounds simple when I write it but I have no idea how I am actually going to do it! I am taking it day by day and hour by hour.

[WildChild]

Happiness has to come from within you, not from someone else. This can be hard to learn and hard to do consistantly, especially when you believe you have someone in your life whom you love and who loves you. Then it becomes easy to slip into the pattern of making them responsible for our happiness. I know better and I've done it, I think we all do at some time. Each day decide you will find something to be happy about, find something good about yourself,and about the world around you. Buy yourself some fresh flowers - smelling flowers actually alters the chemicals in your body and lifts your mood. Smile, even if you don't feel like it, the physical act of smiling releases chemicals in your body that elevate your mood - our bodies are amazing! Exersize also helps - work up a good sweat.

[elsa_niloo]

hi sweets
It would be easy for me who is not in your situation to say, "oh, hang in there" or " oh it's just hard at the begining or that you shouldn't miss him."
So no i'm not gonna say any of that, because you are a woman full of passion just like myself and i know you miss your man.
So i would like you to look at it from a logical point of view. I know you loved this man, but imagine yourself married with a couple of kids and then you had found out about his debts and his financial difficulties.
Ofcourse by then it would be out of your hands to help and it would be not only about your and your needs. Because then you would have to think about the future of your children which had gone down the drain.

Life, Love and relationships are hard and sometimes dissapointing but it would help to believe that there is always a reason for everything. Maybe it was your destiny to not marry him in order to protect yourself from having to go through alot more pain the future.

There is always a reason for everything.
I will be sending you my best wishes and prayers and hope that you feel better soon.
Just believe that

[geogeo]

Thankyou for your support it helps so much reading all your words and of course you are right. I see my mum and dad together and I just thank myself that they are still here and healthy. My mum and dad are both orphans both brought up by the nuns and I feel at times that ive let them down so badly ......They were so happy about the marriage and thought for once I had found happiness and I could not even keep it together. I have gone to another stage now a bit like marple above...I know it is over and I feel numb ..I have excepted my fate but I feel lost inside and dont know quite how I will get passed the break down. It may have been different if it was not for the wedding. I spent hours designing our wedding invitations...sorting out bits only for him to tell me "forever is a long time and I dont think I can spend the rest of my life with you." We had a pregnancy scare just before he left and he seemed really happy either way and when I mentioned this and said but you seemed so happy he said, "When you were not pregnant I saw it as an omen- a chance to start my life from new again." I was so hurt I just could not stop crying. I know we were arguing alot before the wedding but it was over money worries all the time and I guess I felt angry inside that he had lied to me so much about money that it built up in other ways. He just thought I was angry but I had just lost all my trust in him as a person. He did not love me enough to work at it and said we have been here before. When I got his e-mail about money and there are things he would have thought I would have given back I assume he meant the ring. He was just like a stranger and for me this Christmas has to be the worst time of my life. I think about the people on here and how supportive and kind people are and it makes me want to get through this it really does. You also realise you are not alone. You step outside and the world is turning ...everyone seems to be walking faster ...speaking faster...you get caught up in the moment and its then you realise that the world will carry on and everyone has to carry their pain. It just seems at the time in all the hustle and bustle of life you are a lost soul in the middle of it all, screaming inside, searching for kindness in someones face. The world is the best thing ever when you are loved by someone and you love them back..... when it has gone you feel so alone. Wildchild is right we have to find happiness inside so we can love again but it is not always easy to find that when your confidence is in shatters on the floor. what makes it worse is there are so many people in the world suffering that would do anything to have a healthy life ...Thats what makes it worse that i wish for time to pass quick when others would do anything fo the time we have.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sometimes, people purely want "happiness" and will "believe" anything to have it, including mix matches..

Sometimes, people will assume "settling" is what is expected, but without love, it will not last.

Sometimes, we don't love ourselves enough, because if we did, we would see that our anger is after all a warning sign of things to come, and so, the Universe steps in.

Sometimes, there is pain outside a broken relationship that is more important than our pain and we do see that and realise.

Sometime............you will see that it was a mix match, that you don't love yourself enough and therefore, you were prepared to settle, for someone whom you didn't trust, and whom you didn't love with all your heart, un-conditionally in total harmony and therefore, you were set free to find that true person whom you do, can and will.

CW

[nazia]

Well here I am as sad as it is on Christmas day.....I am just trying to get through Christmas and actually looking forward to getting back to my own house. Although there are memories there I want some kind of routine back in my life. I am on the tablets now but it makes me feel distant and unable to concentrate....makes me confused but they dont take away the pain....I go back home on the 29th and am not quite sure what I will do new year.....probably go to bed and curl up in a ball so that It is all over quickly. Dont know why but i sleep alot at the moment ...still dream of him and woke up this morning and actually could imagine him near me ...by my side and for the first time in what seems ages I felt a warm happy feeling until I realised it was all over. Im so scared this feeling wont pass so scared it will last for ever and so scared never to hold him again....feel that feeling...the happiness. I would give anything to have one more day with him ...all the days I thought would last for ever If I had of known this was going to happen I would have tried to stop this ...try to turn back time. Ive got to a point where I dont care about meeting anyone again just feel like sheltering myself from life and pain...dont want to feel this again........

hi i writing this message as my husband left me a week ago after 9 and half years. I am in complete shock i can not belive it i really thought we were happy together but three month's i discovered he was having an affair. I saw him last night hoping he would have changed his mind but he has not. can not stop crying can not eat or drink feel sick that i will not be able to provide the children with the home i thought i was going to and that i have lost my soul mate/ best friend. how am i going to pick myself up and face the world and look after my two gourgeous boys.