[kyliemarie27]

My husband (2years) and I have been having a bit of trouble... He said he was bored with me, and our marriage. He's been going to strip clubs while he's out of town, and thinks I'm wrong to care.

He mentioned having a threesome to spice things up, and then mentioned swinging.. I said I'd be more interested in an open marriage typ thing because I'm a more emotional parson, and like one on one.. not a threesome kind of thing.. but that I'd be okay with us seeing other people.. He said that sense he was deployed he didn't want to do it yet cause he wouldn't be able to have sex with anyone else..

I started getting more intimate with a close friend and slept with him... Now I don't know what to do.. I've stopped seeing the guy, but I don't know if I should tell my husband or what? Even though we talked about having an open marriage we agreed to wait.. so I basically had an afair! I feel really bad, and want to tell him, but I don't want to tell him while he's deployed... I just don't know!! does anyone have any advice?!

[Little]

Don't tell him while he's deployed. You know better, it's rules one, two, three, four and five that you don't tell your man ANYTHING bad while he's deployed, if you can help it.
When he comes home, though, it's up to you. Are you just doing it to get it off your own chest, or to help the relationship?

[kyliemarie27]

To help the relationship.. I love him more than anything.. I feel like I don't deserve him!

I want us to be together, and I want to have a good happy fun relationship.. I think that him telling me he was bored and felt stagnant just showed me that things need to change, and I realized I was also feeling lonely and under appretciated etc.

I do agree that I shouldn't tell him while he's deployed.. but now I'm lying.. and it's just going to make it so much worse! Well.. or he'll appreciate that I didn't tell him while he was gone.. It's not a long deployment, just 2 months. And I didn't cheat because I was so sexualy frustrated.. It's because I wanted to expeirience someone that wasn't bored with me. And that's why he goes to strip clubs too.. to get the attention. I don't know if he's cheated.. he's kinda closed off a lot of the time. I dunno.. we have a lot to learn. I hope he'll understand and stay with me.

[happy ending]

i wouldnt say a word, unless you want to hear it thrown in your face, as an excuse for him to go wild, sounds like you needed more a confidence boost, maybe you could work on that in more appropriate ways.

[bigbee]

I agree, do not say a word. Keep your side clean and forget it happened. Also, do not let him force into stuff you do not wanna do.
Over all I think your marriage is in trouble. Both of you looking around?

[elsa_niloo]

I would define MARRIAGE as a relationship of Monogamy and your husband was very very wrong for offering a threesome and wanting swinging. To me, that is not a marriage, that is an open relationship because MARRIAGE is about commitment to ONE person with whom you share mentally and physically.

.

Although, I do believe it is his fault for under appreciating you and pushing you to someone else's arms, you had no excuse to sleep with someone else. I think you were wrong by having an affair, instead you should have tried spicing up the relationship by asking him about his fantasies, role playing, porn and etc.

However, now it is too late to feel sorry about the situation and telling him would probably ruin your marriage. If i were you, I would not say anything and instead of trying threesomes, swingin and open marriage i would try to spice up the relationship other ways.

Believe me, I know what i am talking about. My husband and I are newly weds and for a long time he was not interested in sex. I tried and tried many ways and roles and finally i discovered that counseling is what we needed.
Once i got him to open up to me, he told me what was wrong and we started to have a much better and fun sex life.

If you are spiritual ask for guidance and help, if not just try to forgive yourself and work on your marriage. We all make mistakes and you are neither the first or the last. So try and best of luck to you.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Marriage is not about doing everything to please one party, rather both parties being happy...

He can handle you with another man? That is what he has stated... And, sorry but he put the thought into your mind and so you probably more than anything else, acted on it out of wanting to "know" if you could do it, because all your trying to do is please him.. If you can do it, then you have no right to say he can't... And, so you can handle the situation better, after all in 8 weeks time that is what he will do and you know that.

You seriously alternatively need to spice up your sex life, watch porn together, go to strip clubs together, let him have a lap dance what ever, but you should not be getting into something you don't really want to do.

He need spice, you need affection and love.

It's a two way street... You won't be getting affection and love from one night stands, rather an affair of sorts and that will ruin the marriage anyway.

He needs to be equal here and squash those thoughts, spice the sexual side up together and give you love and affection.

CW