[mellyb]

hi guys i really dont know what to do, i've been with my husband for ten yrs married now for nearly 5 yrs.
He has just admitted that he no longer has feling for me that he should, and that we should bascially split.
The thing is we have just taken our house of the market and app he in no rush to put it back on,i've stayed away for acouple of nights with our 2yr old daughter hopin to give him space to think, one min he says he confused next he saying we getting a divorce.
I'm now home but he comes home from work get dressed to go out then dont come hometill next morn he reckons he not sleeping at another women place but wont tell me where he staying.
I dont want to constantly nag at him to sit and talk about what are we doing but he just wont, im left hanging in limbo!
Can you save a marriage i really do still love him, and think deep down he has some feelin left for me, he lost his sister suddenly at end of nov, and amitt he depress but he wont talk to anyone, bascially im after any advise if anybody can give me to how i can get through this asnone of my friends & familys know what going on, think im trying to hold onto my pride, feel like a failure!

[WildChild]

So sorry to hear about this. Best I can suggest is get into counseling, Even if it doesn't save the marriage it will help you cope. If he won't open up and talk it's hard to do anything.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You have a two year old daughter, don't take her out of the home, to give him space. Let him find somewhere to sleep like he is, because she needs grounding, common ground and he is the one asking to leave not you.

Does he think that he can "keep the house"? That maybe you will just walk and that's it? Why were you selling the house to start with?

Suggest a trial separation and ask him to move somewhere for a couple of months and see how he feels... Firstly, this will mean you won't have to face him every day, secondly, he is the one asking, so you are showing strength by saying this and if there is another woman, well your decision if he realises that he loves his wife more and that life, a couple of months and he will soon work that out.

If you are afraid to do this because he may never come back, it's an un-comfortable feeling both being in the same house surely, under such stress. And, walking around together on egg shells is not going to help either of you.

Can you talk to his family? About the death and how it is affecting him, so they can help him? And, maybe be honest and say it's effecting your marriage as well, he is in and out the house like a batchelor.

You are not a failure either, as it takes two to make things work or two for it not to, as WC said, if he won't talk not much you can do, other than bring others in to help you, "family", no one is going to think your a failure they should be there for you and support you over this, as it's you whom is left wondering.... He is the one doing it.

CW

[Guest]

You are not a failure. He's depressed about losing his sister and there's only so much you can do about his emotions & depression, especially if he doesnt wanna let it get fixed right now.

I feel bad saying this, but I dont know anyone who was separated that ended up getting back together. Not that it doesn't happen, I've just never seen it personally. So you may want to think that one out a bit more. If you do want to try that route, I suggest making a financial plan that assumes the worst, this way if things work out you'll still be ahead.

with the market the way it is, I can understand not trying to sell the house now. there are houses in my town that would have been bought right up at over $850K, that now wont sell for $600K.