[Sarah219]

My fiance and I were hanging out with some of his friends and their wives this weekend, which was alot of fun. Two guys that my fiance works with told me that they want to plan his bachelor party and that there would be strippers involved. I have had this talk with my fiance before and he doesn't want me going to a strip club either, but that is fine because I don't really have an interest. I would honestly feel awkward.

I have told him my stance on strip clubs. I have said that I wouldn't feel comfortable with him going to one. One of the reasons is that I am insecure. I already know that and he knows that. It's one of my flaws. He has said that there is only me that he wants, I know he loves me and cares for me, etc. I know that guys love to look and that is fine. I would be lying if I said I don't like to look at attractive guys. But at the end of the day, I know that I want to be with my fiance and that my future is with him. I just can't imagine him getting a strip tease, lap dance, etc. Mainly because the girls would be all over him, and the thought of that sickens me. I don't really know what goes on at strip clubs and I am not quite sure I want to know. I had asked him on the way home if going to a strip club is what he wants to do, and he said "I don't know what I want", which shocked me because I thought that the answer would've been no.

We have a healthy sex life, and have sex about 3-4 times a week. So I am pretty sure there is no problem in that department.

So now, I am trying to figure out some kind of option that is a compromise that doesn't involve strip clubs for either of us. I need some ideas of what to suggest for what we could do.

I would appreciate other stances that you ladies have on this subject and/or any ideas we could do. Thanks so much, its greatly appreciated!

[WildChild]

I've never been in one but from what I've heard going to a club is one thing, hiring them for a private party can be quite another. I have a gf who sends her husband off to a strip joint a couple times a year when she feels like he's slowing down a bit. She makes makes sure he knows that when he comes home the kids won't be there and she's got something special planned. She seems to have a pretty good marriage.

[torn2pieces]

I don't know where you live, but here in my city (Kansas City, MO) there is a place called pole works and they give lessons on how to strip/pole dance. I really want to do it for my man.

So that's an idea, you strip for him.

[rcoreyus]

I'd let him go. His male friends will give him a tough time over his being P#$# whipped they think you "won't let him go". There is likely to be a lot of social pressure on him to go.

It would be a nice gesture for you to show that you trust him.

[Hopeless Dork]

This whole tradition bums me out. Not men going to stripper in general, but going on the night before they pledge their love forever to one woman. I know its a tradition as old as they come, but still I would think one stepping into marriage having so much love in their heart they want to swear before all their love and commitment wouldn't even want some strange lady he grinds on various mens laps for a living to rub herself all over him.

I know its technically their last night of "freedom" and I guess men are wired different but if I was so in love as to marry the last thing I'd want the night before the big day is some unknown man to wave his genitals in my face. Call me a prude.

[Sarah219]

Thanks everyone for the comments! I am going to have to talk with him more to see what he really wants to do. If he wants it, then I love and trust him enough to go. However I am not very crazy about the idea, I will compromise for him. I think the main problem is my insecurity. I don't feel that I am as beautiful as the girls who are at the strip clubs (i have never been in one, but they would have to be beautiful for people to want to go I would think). I would feel kind of inadequate and feel like my fiance might really like what he sees instead of me. Maybe its crazy, but that is my issue. Any of you ladies insecure with yourselves, or have been? How do you get over it?? I would LOVE to get over it, believe me!

Seeing how he says he doesn't know what he wants yet, I will have to talk to him a little more. I just wanted to get some ideas that I could suggest to him when we do talk about it.

[WildChild]

Most of them are pretty raggedy, druggie types. One of my neighbors used to hang out with a bunch of them.

[torn2pieces]

Any of you ladies insecure with yourselves, or have been? How do you get over it?? I would LOVE to get over it, believe me!

My insecurity has caused major issues between my man and I. You could go back and look at some of my previous threads and see it. I am insecure for a few reasons, a main one is that all of my previous boyfriends have cheated on me, and even left me for another girl.

I don't know you you as an individual can get over it, but I can tell you what has somewhat helped me (I am not over it). For one, you have to know that a man finds it attractrive when a woman has confidence and security. Confidence can come from you knowing that your man wants you and only you, hopefully he tells you that and if not then just ask him so you can hear him say it. You have to dig inside yourself and find your best qualities and lean on those, keep those in mind. He sees something extrodinary about you if he wants to vow to spend the rest of his life with you. There is security in your relationship from the quality time you spend together, the love you make and the fact that he is home every night with you.

Do something to make yourself feel good, do something to make him feel good, keep working at being the best woman to your man.

If you do decide to let him go, don't look at it as a compromise. Don't feel bad for yourself when he goes. It can be a step to building your security. When he goes, find peace inside yourself knowing that he wants you and only you. When he gets home or the next night, give him your own lap dance but your lap dance can end with something "more" so of course your lap dance will be better than any strip club dance.

[Guest]

I'd let him go. His male friends will give him a tough time over his being P#$# whipped they think you "won't let him go". There is likely to be a lot of social pressure on him to go.
It would be a nice gesture for you to show that you trust him.

I agree with this to a great degree but I also agree if he really doesn't want to go then he should take his stand. His peers will get over it!

I use to go to them when I was in the Navy back in the 70's and I don't think they've changed much other than the "Pole" thing being more prevalent.

WC is definitely right about the difference in having one in a house party as opposed to a club.
Use to in the club there was no touching aloud.

Doing your own thing for him afterward is really a good Idea!

I understand it might be hard to believe but it really won't be that big of a deal and I don't think you'll have anything to worry about. To me it's old hat and I'm not really too excited about things like that, not that I'm sexually dead or nothing but I guess it's because I've been around for a while.

[Sarah219]

Thanks everyone! I know that he wouldn't cheat or anything...we were long-distance due to his work situation for close to 2 years. We saw each other every other weekend (depending on our schedules). He knows I am insecure, and he is constantly telling me that I have no reason to be insecure and that he loves me. I had a talk with him before about my thoughts about this, and it ended with him saying that there is only me and no one else.

I just don't like the fact of him going there to watch girls everywhere parading around in their underwear. I honestly don't think its something that he wants to do. I think its more of a peer pressure type thing. One of the guys he works with goes to strip clubs all the time (he is good friends with this guy). If it is due to peer pressure that he does decide to go, I wish that he would let me know that was the reason why. I think it would help me, because I know him so well and if he does decide to go, it will kinda prove me wrong in how well I do know him. I trust him, he hasn't given me a reason not to, I think maybe the biggest problem for me is that I don't trust the girls at the strip club. I just don't see them as people that should be trusted.

Then again, I could be overthinking it because I tend to overthink everything. Another one of my flaws.

Oh well, thanks again for the comments and thoughts about this, they are greatly appreciated!