[withered_rose]

I would say as an alternative to going to a strip club or something try to have a party a few days before but make it a joint party between the two of you. I don't know what my fiance would want to do but his friends have also said something about a bachelor party with strippers and he knows how I feel about it, and he has also told me that he does not want to go. I would be ok if he went because I know that he is loyal to me, but its just an odd right of passage to me to watch naked women dance around a pole and grind all up on strange men for fun, especially before they stand before their friends and family and pledge their love to some one.

[tasha221]

Ok here is my 2 cents.....

If you feel uncomfortable with him going then he shouldnt go....period. This is the start of BOTH of your lives together and you dont want it starting on the wrong foot. His buddys can give him all the grief they want but in the end there is just you and him. Trust me on this one....my brother got married about a year ago to the best sister-in-law ever....but for his bachelor party his buddys took him to Vegas for the weekend and spent the whole time in strip clubs which really upset her badly (and he knew this before he went )and she almost didnt marry him. She is still hurt over it. Its one thing if you both agree on it but when one of you has a problem with it then it just shouldnt be done. I think that when people are getting married they should act like they are already married and respect the other just as they will with the ring on their finger. But thats just my opinion.

[Rebecca Deos]

This is one of those things that I think us women make more of an issue of than it needs to be. It's a silly male ritual, and one that most guys walk away from and say "That was it?". He might not want to go, and might enjoy a night playing poker instead, but part of it is that his friends plan it, and he follows their game plan.

Does anything happen other than the lap dance? Typically no. The girls are there cause its their job. In lower end, seedy clubs might be one thing, but if its a legitimate higher end club, nothing more than the traditional lap dance is going to happen. If more was on the table, the girls would work as escorts, and make a heck of alot more money than they would stripping.

[tasha221]

Why should any woman be ok with another woman grinding on their man even if they are just getting paid to do it??? I have nothing against the strippers.....they dont force the man come. I just think its wrong for a man to go if it will hurt his future wife. Maybe I just dont get it.

[Rebecca Deos]

I dont believe that anyone should do anything that hurts their partner. But I do believe that it can be a harmless interaction.

Somewhere along the line, we have been taught that once you find "the one" that desire and fantasy should completely disappear. If a man derives pleasure from a lapdance, viewing porn, erotica, etc that it is somehow our fault, that we are responsible by having some sort of shortcoming. Not only is that biologically incorrect, it leaves women in a place to feel inadequate. It's an unrealistic expectation we put upon ourselves.

Once again, if it hurts your partner, don't do it. But I don't want sole control over my partner's fantasies and desires. Why would I want to take on that responsibility.

A few months ago, my husband was on a roadtrip with a friend, and they stopped at a few strip clubs ( the first time in many years). Good, he went out, had fun, he came home, told about their trip, and it actually turned into a nice discussion talking about strip clubs, strippers.

I still don't understand the allure of stripclubs myself. Have a woman grind on you, knowing it's going nowhere? It's a guy thing LOL

[Sarah219]

haha...yeah, I really don't get it. I honestly don't think I would be ok with it, no matter how much I try to accept it. Granted it may be a "harmless interaction", but its not one that I would like him to have. Plus, he doesn't want me to go to a male strip club, so why would I want him to go to one. I honestly don't want some random guys junk in my face. The whole point is that he doesn't want me to go to a club like that, so why would I want him to go to one? As I see it, I have him. Thats all I need, we love each other and have a healthy sex life.

He may have some peer pressure to go, I don't know if he does or not but who cares? Peer pressure is every where. Just because some one tells you that you need to do something doesn't mean you should drop all your beliefs and morals just to fulfill what they want you to do. These guys that want to do this are 2 guys he is working with now, and has only known for almost 6 months (these guys he works with are his work friends). His best friend (which is his best man) wants to hang out with him, go play some golf and out to dinner & drinks with the groomsmen. I don't get why all of a sudden, these guys that he's known almost 6 months are wanting to plan this.

My fiance has never really been into the whole strip club thing, he does look at porn every once in a while and I think that it does give him some ideas for when we are in bed, which i can't complain about. Strippers on the other hand, they aren't going to do anything but wave their chests in his face then move to the next guy and do the same thing. I just don't get it I guess....

[kms]

It was asked how to overcome insecurity... I think this is a challenge soo many of us women face, especially those from western societies. Too often we have this unrealistic vision of what a woman should look like and how she should act shoved down our throats from the time we're fresh out of the womb. Yet femininity, sensitivity, regard for others, any sort of emotional intelligence (otherwise known as EQ) are often riduculed and looked down - cold logic and absolute independence are valued instead, leaving many of us living our lives trying to deny who we really are inside and trying to make it on our own. No wonder so many of us suffer from insecurity and anxiety, knowing that who we are is not even close to what the illusive, sought-after model of what a woman should be.

To change our insecurities, we'd really have to change our culture. We'd have to stop the use of women as sexual objects to sell everything from cars to toothpaste, stop the degradation of women and the disdain for many of our natural characteristics... but doing this may take a miracle.

That being said, fortunately there are guys who don't subscribe to the negative view of women our culture has, so when they say that they love you the way that you are, they might just really mean it. Our society might not accept that, but fortunately society doesn't own our entire beings and dictate everything we believe and think. In short, he may just really mean it.

However, even when our SO sincerely accepts us for who we are, we may nevertheless still feel a nagging sense of inadequacy because we're bombarded with that unrealistic expectation of what a woman should be constantly. Some possible ways to help overcome this are: exercise - exercising will help you feel more in control of your body, will make you look good, and of course the hormones released will make you feel better mentally as well. Also, caring about how you look - i.e. taking some time to find clothes that fit and look nice, taking care of your hair, skin, makeup, etc - all have a big impact on how you feel about yourself. I care about these things not because I'm selling out, but because no matter how hard I try, people will ALWAYS judge you for how you look. You can't change that - so you might as well use it to your advantage. Plus, taking the time to take care of yourself feels good, so it's a win-win situation. So then, when you see one of those 'other' women that always make you feel insecure and jealous, you can take an objective look at yourself and then at them and realize that there's really not much of a difference after all. Besides, it's not just one or two body parts that makes a person attractive - it's the entire package.

[torn2pieces]

I see different points on here and understand them. Strip clubs seem to be a "man thing" something men do. I am sure there are men out there that see strip clubs as demeaning, dirty and unmoral. I am sure there is a man with enough dignity to not need a strip club.

My significant other just lied to me about going to one. And I wasn't even snooping but simply picking up his dirty clothes and the ticket fell out. He went all into detail about that night and told me he went to a house party, blah, blah, blah but failed to mention the stip club. It made is worse cause he lied, its worse because we have been have a lot of problems (our relationship is on the rocks). He didn't get a lap dance because they were $30, but he would of liked one. He said he wanted to go see some *** and . I don't understand being in a commited relationship but wanting to see other girls "goods"