[kristenmwyman4905]

I completely understand. I am going through the same thing right now. I feel as if I am in a whirlwind and can't get out. To make matters worse, my husband leaves in less than a month for a six month deployment and is completely neglectful. He never comes to bed with me anymore and stays on the game until one or two in the morning. He now has my 10 year old daughter playing. I feel as if I am losing my family. I do everything around the house and never get any appreciation. We have a two year old daughter as well and I feel like it is just us in the house. If I say anything to him about it, he says that I am .....

I don’t know where else to go from here, except that I am 24 years old and refuse to live the rest of my life in a marriage where I am not appreciated and a game comes before me and my daughter. The only problem is…. I don’t know how to leave, because I stil love him so much. We have been married for almost four years.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your 10 year old daughter I assume is not his? If you were 13 when you were pregnant and have been married to him for 4 years?

She should not be introduced to the internet world at that age, seriously and you need to put your foot down a bit.

It's more of an Adult game with my understanding and a 10 year old learning those things, well I think it's a risk of her growing up too fast, too soon and then wanting to view other sites, join My-Space etc...

So firstly, I would be saying to him if you want to effect your life, your marriage that's fine but your not effecting our daughter at 10 years of age, you have to tell her now that it's best if that game be left to the Adults..

Addictions are addictions, he is addicted and if you can't get that through to him that he is ruining his marriage and he doesn't care, well not much you can do other than to point that out to him, strongly.

Good luck.

CW

[Vian]

My ex and I played WoW (I still do, actually) and he also played MMO war games. He started neglecting me first, would scream at me for eating something crunchy because it was too loud and distracted him, or yelled at me for trying to get ANY attention at all. So I finally gave up and immersed myself in WoW also. I made friends and went on runs and RPed and had fun without him. Then he got jealous and accused me of being in love with certain friends. He claimed I was neglecting him, when really, he'd been neglecting me for the past 3 years. I was using WoW as a chat service to socialize with friends and get *SOME* kind of companionship.

Ultimately, I still don't know what the problem *really* was. My current "friend with benefits" also plays Wow, but is never too busy to come spend time with me (unless he's in the middle of an instance, which I understand and am happy to wait until he's finished, because he has no problem stepping away from it afterward)

It may take leaving him or getting a separation to make him choose what's most important in his life. As a book I read once on relationships said "Men fall in love with their wives when they're walking out the door"

[Meshuu]

WOW oh WOW

Little-

One of my Pshyc professors actually did his thesis on WOW. He interviewed people who played it and actually played it non stop for a week trying to figure out why people get addicted to the game.

His idea was, that it gives you a false sense of accomplishment. I've never played the game myself so i don't know exactly how it works but he said that for basically every thing you do on the game you are rewarded somehow. Its not like that in real life. You don't get anything for being on time to work, or stopping at the grocery store on the way home, or putting the kids to bed etc.

So, basically its an escape for some people; you can be whoever/whatever you want to be and feel important, respected and accomplished without even leaving your seat. That might be why some people become addicted and for others its just a hobby. Maybe he is feeling inferior some how, or he's stuck in a rut, maybe he hates his job. You are right, there probably is something missing in his life.


Oh, and to the OP i would go with what CW said. I cant believe he accused you of having an affair!

You hit the nail on the head there!!!! My SO uses it to escape for those reasons exactly, he has even said it himself. I personally play WOW and like it myself but not to the obsessive point he does....in fact he really angered me this am by joining a raid when we were supposed to have been out shopping by that time. They use the excuse when there is a time set for a raid or quest or whatever, saying that it would be rude not to show up because others show up and dont want their time wasted.....o.k.....what about MY time???? Its not ok to waste their time by not showing up, but its ok to waste MY time?!?!?! grrrrrr oh grrrrrr.

Well there is my only WOW vent! My SO doesnt drink or do drugs, i dont feel neglected because most times we have an agreement on the nights he is with his "guild" buddies and we make sure that we have a date night each week. It makes him happy that I play as well so we have another thing in common that we can share even if i'm only a lvl 40 toon lol.

Those men who neglect their SO's and obsess to the point where they need to be told to take care of their personal hygeine....they must be depressed and trying to hide from the RW but not realizing that they are making even more problems for themselves by doing so. Some men really need to give their heads a shake!

[24glenda]

i feel ur burden ladies..i been married for 2 years and my husband plays wow..in the beggening of our marrige i was 18 he was 19,man he played from 7pm to 1 in the morning and i was pregnant.i took all of this and more.he cheated with a female in the game ,we argue constanly about it.i used to trow the computer to the floor(huge argument)but for some reason the computer stilled work!i been true alot beacuse of this game.know as of today my huaband does not play as much as he used too.raids are only 3 nights and he gets off when hes done.sometimes we do get in arguments beacause he dosent groom anymore like he used to..does not shave cut his hair nothing!i love him alot but cant get true him what the game is doing to him.he gaina lot of weight!!playing the game as a hobby for 4 hours is fine dont get me wrong ladies...but like i said i DESPISE this game..brought me alot of suffering..

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It is not a game.

It is a powerful, clever, manipulating, money making way for people interaction, to live in a fantasy world, be rewarded, feel like kings and queens, own a new identity to whom you are, interact with those you get on with all over the world, try to beat people and look smarter, own a personality that is not yours in real life, all whilst paying monthly fees to some corporate world that are now billionairres as they snared the market and destroyed souls and those of other souls around them.

And correct me if I am wrong, but you have to be on at certain times in order to join in with "your group" to destroy and kill which takes hours" and those times, are like 7pm till 1am so alot of people would have to be drinking in order to get through that.

So down spirals their lives... and those of their families....


Phew, and I got all of that by just going on the main page and viewing what it had to offer?

[boomcow]

I am a WoW player as well. I agree that it gives a false sense of accomplishment. However, this is made worse when you're part of a guild that raids all the time. I used to have 5 official raids a week, and it wore even me down trying to please the guild.

It is hard to give up right away though, so I joined a guild that only raids 2 nights a week. Progress isn't as fast, but I get the same nice items that people prance around with. I get more time for myself and my wife. If I do play on non raid nights, it is only if she allows me. Usually she lets me play on off nights for doing a chore, or for having dinner out.

I changed not because my wife nagged me to stop playing though, in fact she turned on her charm more, and made me realize how sad she was with the former situation.

I hope the best for you, and please don't think it's your fault. Spending time on something, be it a game or whatever, 96 hrs a week, without your partner is just wrong. WoW is a poor substitute for a caring partner.

[Brixxie]

Its okay to leave,

I left my husband, he has played since release he is a solider to, and I think it was his way of dealing with deployments, but he was always a video game junkie. I felt so worthless when he played. The kids literally saw the back of their fathers head for 3 years. Our sex life died completely, to the point I felt neglected and unattractive. I left him he didn’t blink he just played on and worked on getting tier epics. I struggled he was very despondent I cried I hurt but the worst part is , My 6 year old has a gamming addiction and is prone to violent fits like his father . My children blame me because daddy did nothing wrong. His excuses were heart breaking. I’m always home. I never go out what more do you want. I became depressed isolated lonely. I even had an affair that just and when I told him he liked the idea he got Friday nights to raid. There is a healthy balance I suppose. Just like a balance of drinking and a balance of gambling. However the risk of addiction is deep, like drug and alcohol and gambling. And if you cry yourself to sleep at night while your partner in life wastes away by the computer light glow in the other room. You can move on. You will be stronger. I was brave enough to let him go. I couldn’t help. I know my worth. Never forget yours. I’m sorry so many families have to struggle with this

[kellcarson09]

Broken

My husband and i have been married for almost a month and i'm crying myself to sleep at night while he is over at a new friends playing world of warcraft. I used to play with him, but i quit a few months ago because i realized how much time it wasted, and didn't even play that much. he canceled his account a month before our wedding, but renewed it about a week after we got married. He gets off of work and heads straight over to the guys to play. I'm dying inside and he knows i hate the game but i know he's too addicted to do anything about it. I love him more than anything but i've never hurt like this before.

[kellcarson09]

Chandler's Wish has is exactly right. My husband has friends who have quit/turned down jobs that wanted them to work during their WoW time. It makes me absolutely sick. I've watch his best friend's marriage fall apart because of a WoW addiction and now mine is headed in the same direction. 'The Guild' is the only thing that matters to them and they'll let down everyone in their lives to please the guild. The appeal of WoW is the sense of accomplishment it gives the guys who play. who needs to spend the time and effort it takes to create a real life when you can sit on the couch and be a hero? Its sick, and its sad. WoW is of the devil and will destroy any relationship that it comes into contact with.