[BermudaGrl]

I am in love with an amazing man. He makes me laugh, he is handsome, he is interesting and fun and intelligent....and he wants to marry me.

I am 24 and he is 42. I have my doubts because I wonder if 5 or 10 years from now, will we remain consistent. We have an amazing sex life, similar sense of humor.....but lots and lots of differences. He is obsessed with sports and I know nothing nor am I interested.

Aside from having nothing much in common, we are also culturally different. I am Indian and he is Irish. Our religions are different, our backgrounds, everything is different, BUT we always have an amazing time together. I just wonder if at any time our age difference will come into play, as well as the other differences.

Is anyone in a similar situation?

[sourpuss]

How long have you been together? Do you live together? What are you like together with the day-to-day ho-hum kind of stuff, are the fireworks still there.

If you have reservations about marrying, then wait awhile and see how things pan out after you are in a routine.

[BermudaGrl]

We have been together for about 8 months and its so intense. I know we have a lot to learn about each other but the passion is amazing. We dont live together...as yet at least. We are talking about it. My friends dont think it's a good idea, they think he is too old.

[kms]

Hi bermuda,

Are you Indian as in Asian Indian or American Indian? Just curious... I'd say you may still be in the 'infatuation' stage of the relationship and may not be able to see the negative side of the relationship yet. You obviously are aware of the differences between you but at this point they aren't affecting you since 'love' has made you blind. How religious are you / him? Religion is one of those things that can be difficult to work around since it affects the way one does on a daily basis (depending on how serious one is about following it). It certainly can affect your worldview, the way you see the world and filter events that occur around you, and may definitely come into play when kids come into the picture (if you want any, that is). It's something worth reflecting on. Would either of you be ok with future kids following the other's religion? Also, if you're Asian subcontinent Indian, then I'd bet your family (if they're at all traditional) might have a lot to say about all that...

Like sourpuss has said, I'd recommend waiting for a while to be really sure it's the right thing to do. No need to rush into anything - we've got enough divorces in the world already!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Good question Sourpuss.

Here's what I pick up:-

You feel that there are so many differences between you.

You feel that your likes and dislikes aren't compatible.

You are however, GREAT mates, and your sex life is fantastic, (as it should be only 8 months into the relationship).

Your friends are interfering, life is in-deed about choices and only you can make them.

Because of "all" your differences, I would be suggesting that you live together for 12 months and see how you get along, in all aspects, make or break.

Marriage is such an important thing, not the paper it's written on, but the commitment, dedication, sharing, compromises and if you haven't got all of that as a whole, it won't work... Sex is sex, that too fades if nothing else is working.. As, you don't live together and it's a young relationship, you have no idea about whether you are compatible enough to make it work.

It's not the "time" frame that bothers me, people can click, on all levels and know, it's the non-compatibility that you suggest in lots of areas and that, you in my opinion are basing the relationship of the sex component as, well as the laughter only...

CW

[ThexMrs]

I have to say that I give you accolades for seeing the difficulties that can occur. I wouldn't say that you are blind at all. I think you need to continue asking yourself these important questions and answer them honestly.

Moving in together is a great way to see how things will progress positively and/or negatively. Things are very different when you don't live together. You don't get to know all of the person, the way he does things or how you will react to each other when you're around all of the time. I would definitely do this BEFORE you get married. I would not jump into marriage.

As for religion... I can't recall who made the point but someone said that if you plan to have kids will you both be okay with the others religion and how to raise them? That is a big deal.

My boyfriend and I are two completely different religions. We believe completely different things. I want to raise my children in my religion and he doesn't care either way EXCEPT that in my religion Holidays are out of the question. We've discussed this a lot and he says that his kids WILL celebrate Holidays and I say that mine will NOT. We've yet to come to any kind of agreement. It's very hard but because I love him I know that we will work things out... Somehow.

You just need to have a serious talk with yourself and unless you are brutally honest you aren't going to find the right answer. Don't trick yourself.

[BermudaGrl]

thank you

Thank you everyone for the feedback.

I am of East Indian origin and I am Hindu, and he is Catholic. The religion issue doesnt bother me. For him, when we have kids it is up to me what religion they choose. He is afraid that as we get older, he may not be able to keep up with me and be able to satisfy me, because I am so much younger.

My issue is, the first time we met, it was instantaneous. The attraction was undeniable and we became friends. We open up very easily with each other and we tell each other everything. In the past, I always had a problem with being honest and I lied if I felt it would get me out of an argument.

However with him, I am completely honest, I am at my best. He has me on a pedestal and I cant explain how happy we are when we are together.

I think about when I am 50 and he is 69? The age thing bothers me a little some times, but I wonder if there are people out there who has made it work despite something like this.

My parents are traditional but wants whats best for me, and whoever makes me happy, that is all that matters to them.

[mewhenim]

Too Soon!

Way to soon to be getting married. You definatly need to live with someone for a year or so before getting married, so you can see how they are when they are "just being". As far as age, the older you get the less the age difference matters lol, untill you get to like 50 or so when he will be 75 or something, but ideally, by then you'd have been together and love each other so much it wouldn't matter.

[BermudaGrl]

awesome...thanks. We are not going to get married now, though we get those moments where "let's go away and elope" and that is short lived...Since I dont want to elope. That will crush my parents.

I do love him, tremendously and he feels the same way and we both agree we have to now each other more and find common grounds etc, so we will let it run its course and go from there.

Thanks everyone!!

[NewBeginnings]

I am 25 in love with a 46 year old man. We have been together for 7 months. We have known each other as friends for a few years. He was a big help while my husband was alive because he was retired Navy. He helped my husband make many decisions in his career. After my husband and daughter died he was a shoulder to lean on and to help me with all of the Navy issues. We talked about issues that I was concerned about. Then I went and stayed with him in San Antonio for awhile. Then as time went on we got closer. He gets along with my family very well. My mom had her doubts at first and was worried about me. It took her some time to warm up to the idea (mainly cause he's a few years older then her, lol). She sees that he cares about me and loves me for me.

My advice to you would be to give it some more time. Get to know him more as a person and take things slow. You don't want to make any rash decisions. You may just be in the infatuation stage and can only see the good things. I've lived with my boyfriend now for 7 months and I'm learning things about him that I didn't know. I'm learning his quirks and the things that annoy him and such. Those are things that I am well aware of now and will have to accept when the day comes that we get married. Maybe move in with him and test the waters. See how you live together as a couple before you make any decisions on whether to progress further in the relationship. You may wind up moving in with him and realize this is something that you don't want. Talk with him about your differences. Communication is a big key here because there are so many differences. Maybe you will find that the differences don't bother him, maybe they do.

Good luck