[scarlet84]

Before i got with my now fiance,my gay friend told me years ago that he had had a bit of a sexual experience with him,but i just thought that he was lying because my guy is so a mans man,loves sport and sex with women.
I just thought it would be a casual thing with him but ended up falling in love with him although i couldnt get what my gay friend had told me out my mind. So i asked my fiance and he denied it and started getting angry with me wen i kept asking,then eventually he told me via text and i felt sick. He said that he hated himself for doing it and it was because he was on drugs and drunk at the time thats why hes never told anyone apart from me. He loves me i know he does,thats why i agreed to marry him when he asked. He has had depression in the past and has tried suicide and he said he wouldnt know what he wud do without me. I love him more than life and couldnt bear to be without him!
I try to forget that he had given and recieved oral sex from another man but then somedays its all i think about! My gay friend also told me that he doesnt think my fiance is gay he was just curious and that he tried to give my fiance anal but he said no..but i dont understand why he did it!
If he was so drunk how the did he get hard and ejaculate cos sometimes wen hes drunk with me it doesnt even get hard but then other times it does??
On holiday recently we were talking about our fantasies and he said he would like to watch me with another woman so i agreed to think about it i think i will do it because he wants me to.
Then i said my fantasy was to watch him go with another man, to see what he said but he got into it and was really enjoying himself and while talking dirty to him about it,he was talking about giving oral and how he was enjoying it (but in more graphic and dirty talk)
I said i wanted him to go with another man to say wot he said about it whilst he was drunk.I suggested goin to a gay club to find a guy for him and a girl for me and he was well up for it!
In the morning i asked him again and he said that he wouldn't.
I know he would. An d he said theres no way he would watch me with another man..which i dont want to do anyway.
Should i let my man go with another guy just to see if he is gay/bi, because i would let him as long as he didnt do it behing my back and he was careful and i told him this,and then the next day he was like no i dont want too??
I am so confused we are due to get married in 2 years time and would rather find out before then?
I am at my wits end thinking about if he is bisexual.Im glad he was honest and admitted it but sometimes i just wish i had never probed him to tell me.
Please give me some advice, thankyou xxxx

[Rebecca Deos]

First off, if you look at your fiance's past, it would not be out of character for him to do just what he said, experiment. There is no reason to not take him at his word.

Even when you were talking dirty, its not unusual for a guy to create a fantasy situation, get turned on by it, and then later not be interested in it.

On top of all that, this all happened before yu were even together. Let it go, you are not responsible for his past.

"On holiday recently we were talking about our fantasies and he said he would like to watch me with another woman so i agreed to think about it i think i will do it because he wants me to."

How about what you want? I think this is part of the problem here. Just because you are now a couple doesnt mean he owns your sexuality, or vice versus.

You opened the can of worms by probing him for info. Now you have to be responsible with that information. Trying to throw him into a situation as some sort of experiment to see the outcome is not being responsible.

Either trust and believe him, or move on. Anything else is just a trainwreck waiting to happen

[scarlet84]

Thanks Rebecca.
I do trust him with my life and know he would never go with any1 else behind my back and it was risky to trick him when he was drunk to try and make him confess his fantasys.
We are both sexually experimental and think i would like to go with another woman but then im just worried that will give him ammo to make him say he wants go to with a man and i dont want him to fo it if he really doesn't want to,i just wish he would admit he is bisexual and then we can start to talk and think what to do to help him.
If he wants to go with a man,i would let him.(half for the experience and half because i love him)
I think i will suggest going to a club and just seeing what happens.
Thanks for your advice xxxxx

[KaytKayt]

Why are you so intent on seeing if he wants to sleep with someone else? I just don't see the point. He's with you so what does it matter if he's bi? That's like saying it's okay for straight men to sleep with other women because they're curious, it just doesn't make sense to me. Good luck though with whatever you decide to do.

[kms]

Yeah I was going to say the same thing... so what if he's bi? He's with you so who cares if he experimented in the past or is attracted to guys.

My bf has also experimented in the past - it really doesn't bother me; I'd kinda like to see it actually... seems kinda hot. Both of us think that an MMF with everyone involved sounds rather fun. For whatever reason I don't mind the thought of him with another guy - but with another girl is a different story!