[t.g.w.]

ive just come across this forum by accident but im so pleased i did. I really need some help because at the minute im not coping very well. yesterday i came across my husbands mobile phone bill and there was a number i didnt recognise on it over and over again. He eventually admitted (just as i was about to ring the number) that last week whilst he was away from home at his grandads funeral he had an affair with a woman we both know. i wasnt there with him because he had to leave very quickly so he could be with his grandad before he passed away and he couldnt wait for me to get ready to go. as we live 500 miles away from his family i let him leave expecting to join him at the end of the week.anyway to cut a very long story short i didnt go as he didnt want me there. now i find out he was with her and i just cant cope with the way i feel- i feel physically sick, betrayed, useless, angry, sad, i cant stop crying, my stomach is still doing somersaults 12 hours later.
he's so sorry and i know he means it but if i stay with him he'll do it again wont he? and will it always feel like this-im in so much pain

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Welcome t.g.w. please watch the *** deleted from your thread, as we don't use profanity on this site...

Sorry you went through that and certainly there is no excuse for cheating, even a death or pain, but you need to find out the facts and discuss with him why.

Alot don't believe "once a cheater always a cheater", if it's a once of and things aren't the way they seem at home, no excuse don't get me wrong... And, there are alot of women on this site that have been cheated on that will help you through what you are going through as they also have to deal with this pain.

Did you speak with him totally about it?

CW

[t.g.w.]

thanks for answerin

yes we spoke about it to a certain degree but i started askin questions that i cant handle the answer to. did i mention shes his best friends wife and she pregnant. ive "spoken" to her and she says its not his, but why would a married woman opt to have her husbands baby aborted? when the trusts gone it wont come back will it? ps it was me who put the *** in the title and i apologise if i offended

[rcoreyus]

Before deciding what to do I think you should understand why he cheated. Was he feeling lonely? Was he drunk? Was he depressed and went looking for solace. Was he looking for sex? Was he looking for something sexual that he can't get at home? Was he looking for companionship and never intended it to turn into sex?

I'm not saying that any of these do or do not justify what he did, but I think it is important to understand - it will help you know if he would likely do it again.

If you can't live with someone who cheated - that is your choice and you should leave now - no reason to drag it out.

You ask why a married woman would have her husband's baby aborted. Children in marriage can be a very complicated and troublesome question. Maybe she didn't want a child (or another child). Maybe medical tests let her find out that the baby had a genetic defect. There is no way you can ask - but it doesn't mean the child wasn't her husbands.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well as Corey stated, as much as you "don't" want the answers, you obviously need to know them one way or the other.

Imagine not knowing, your mind is going 20 to 1 at the moment with all sorts of posibilities such as this woman aborting her child and you thinking it really is your husband's child and therefore, your now thinking it's been going on for quite sometime instead of one week, can you see all of that?

Whilst it WILL hurt, it will also clarify and allow you to decide what you get from it and what you can and can not take and live with...

Have to do it sweet, really you do.

CW