[beerock]

just to give you a little background. this is a women who had both her kids at different times ask me marital questions. Her son asked me if i was going to marry her 2 different times and her daughter had asked me 2 times why I was over the house all the time. Each time they had asked was right before we were going over her parents house. then while at her parents house after lunch/dinner everyone would gradualy leave the room until it was just me and my ex's father. this happend 4 diffferent times. thing was I had my mind set on when to ask for her daughters hand in marriage. I was working on getting the money for a ring and would not ask until I had it. I also had a date in mind as well.


My ex and I broke up 6-7 months ago because of my financial instability. I ran a small word of mouth home theater company that i had started a year prior and i worked about 10 days out of a month. I own my own house pay all my bills with the income from it so I did pretty good but i was barely getting by. I would always tell her when I was stressing out a well, which I learned I should have never told her about. However I am very honest and thats just how I am. I told her everything.

Our relationship started to go downhill because of my HINDSIGHT and what she was really telling me(if you want to be with me get my **** together). I was trying my best to get more business but with word of mouth its up to the clients. My ex started getting strange and kept asking for a break and wasnt returning my calls was out with her "cousins" and I got suspicious and ended up catching her through text messages one night when she came home from hanging out with some guy. I scared the out of her but did not touch her. I walked out and left. Once I left I realized why it came to this(HINDSIGHT). So i kept trying to get her back 4 letters, sent flowers 3 times. she would hang up on me everytime I called. after about 4-5 months of crying everynight and praying. sending letters and flowers I decided to not call her anymore. then on feb 3rd after about a month and a half of NC I got a blocked call and heard her daughter in the background. I did not call back.

I had started looking for work in NYC because my company had no business coming in and I was running out of money. I started looking for a job a week after our break up. A month later I landed an amazing job with a home theater company and I started at 82k right off the bat. pretty amazing considering the financial state of the u.s. and everyone else losing their jobs. Here I am getting a job during it. I had been doing great at my new job but the stress and anxiety of not being with her was affecting my work.

on feb 15th I went to her house and tried to get her back after a month and a half of strict NC(no calling). It took a lot of strength for me to go to her hosue but the love I have for her made me go through with it. She let me in and we had talked a bit. We had sex the night I came over and the next day went out for breakfast with the kids(the day after V day is when i went I couldnt take it anymore). after breakfast back at her house I had talked to her about the things I have accomplished during our break up and that I realized all the things I took for granted and did not do. I had told her I would never be like that again.

She then told me how there was nothing between us and told me how she found true love with this married guy which she had left me for 2 years prior and then left him and got back with me because he had just had a kid with his wife. then after our break up she tried to hang out with this other guy and it didnt work out so she went back tot he married guy. on 2 separate occasions she has told me she knows what she wants and thats it. she thinks the married guy is going to leave his wife in the future and they will live happily ever after. when we were together she had mentioned how when they were together everything was so perfect and looking back I see how she never really got over him when she was with me. BUT how could it be perfect when this guy has never met her kids and only sees her at night or when HE calls. It just makes me so concerend about her feelings. She knows not what she does. this guy has written letters that are shallow and it seems to fit the bill for my ex and she gobbles it up. I had stumbled upon a letter she had written and don't know if it was to me or him. no names were mentioned. the letter that she wrote was pretty much I love you i love you I love you baby. you are my air that i breath etc.. and it was dated oct 26th a day I had sent flowers to her. the only thing the letter mentions is how she keeps looking at something. it oculd possibly be the flowers?

I had brought up the married guy to her 2 different times which I know was wrong but it really bothered me. She had told me how his wife tricked him into getting her pregnant and how he says shes a total and he cant stand her ETC PURE BS I had asked her if she knew the wife if she ever met her to make her own assumption of her. I also had said to her why hasnt he divorced her if he loves my ex so much.

I spent a month with her when I came back into her life and did all the things I never did to show her I knew what it took to be that man for her. We only had sex twice during that month and fooled around a couple times. I helped her kids with home work I got them ready for bed and read them bedtime stories when she was out going to her shrink(to help her with communication and parent issues). we would both drive to her daughters school to pick her up at the end of the day. I even picked up her daughter by myself one day. I installed 5 different lights in her house that just had a wired ight hanging there since her and her ex were together and after the divorce(something I should have done while we were together). I have proven that I would not take her for granted anymore.

She was very abusive during this month and criticized me for every little thing(something I use to do while we were together) and had stopped doing because I realized I was wrong. I felt i deserved it a little but after 2 weeks of it I would not take it anymore and we would become argumentative over it. however she kept saying how I would start it but in fact she was. she would start yelling and I would be stil talking but she would say I started yelling.

I noticed when I was over for the month in the begining that her kids were unruly, talked back and did not listen to her. that was something I dealt with when I first met her kids and overtime they settled down, listened and behaved much better. They were far worse when I first came back for that month. after a week they had settled down tremendously becasue I suppose they knew I would not take it.

my ex had also fallen plague to gastrointestinal disorder(from stress and anxiety) as well as grinding her teeth at night(another stress and anxiety issue). while I was sleeping over there I noticed after the first week her grinding of her teeth lessened a lot.

there were a couple situations that I thought were strange. she had acted like no one knew I was around. I was parkng my truck in front of her house which no one in the family knew the truck cuz i just got it. then one day we were driving and her brother was in his truck driving and she had asked me to duck down like he didnt know I was hanging with her. Then she had said can I park my truck down the block. she said because everyone knows it. I had said how do they know and she was like don't worry about it.?? then another time I was picking her up to go out for the night and she had started to tell me that I couldnt sleep over anymore because she is tired of all the questions. Her and I both had not slept together except for the two times but no one believed we were just friends. I suppose they all thoguht we were sleeping together all the time. so she had said how she is tired of the hundreds of questions form her family.(obviously they were hoping we would get back together becasue they all loved me and so did I love them. I even saw her uncle one day and he was very happy to see me and was like GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!! SO im confused about that because she had told me that know one knew but meanwhile everyone did know.

Anyway I suppose after giving you the background on this situation. Im Lost at what to do. The only thing I have said to her about the married guy is that its disgusting and that your going to have to find out for yourself how i goes because anything I say she will disregard.

I have read so many married guy stories from here and over the net and I am seriously hurting to think the love of my life is in this enchatned BS situation and I dont want her to get hurt and realize that hes just playing her.

my ex went from trying to get me to marry her and the night i caught her cheating her telling me with tons of sadness "I would be a good wife to you".

to telling me how she never wanted to marry me and never was in love with me she loves me but shes notin love and she loves the married guy and its true love.


I guess the jist is I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her I would die for her. This whole married guy thing has made me so angry at the married guy for feeding her BS Its killing me inside to think she is being played by a married guy for sex and here I am trying to get back with her so I can marry her.

sorry for the long post I really dont know what to do.

I had thoguht about sending an anonymous email to her with all the stories i had copied and pasted about married mens BS I think she will know its form me though. I know I cant tell her about the married guy BS lies because she wont believe it. and she has told no one about it. SHe has said she told ehr shrink but I think thats a load of because any shrink would say hes lying.


any advice? thanks for reading

[beerock]

just to add, The last night I was over her hosue I had told her how she was not being my friend because of all the constant criticizing and it wasnt fair. she had begged that we still be friends and I was like you have to stop criticizing me. then I went on about how the way she treats her kids is really bad. she yells at them when they dont listen and that makes them not listen even more. when she does homework with them and ther emind wanders she yells and they start crying and that makes them really not want to do homework. I had mentioned I wanted tohave kids with her but the way she is treatingher wons kids at this point in time that I dont htink it owuldbe a good idea. I also had said that you go to a shrink with your kids and right when youget home you start yelling at them. which is exactly the opposite of what the shrink is telling you to do. I had said maybe I should call upher shrink and let her know shes not listening.

the next day I left and went to work and took all my stuff and gave her a very cold goodbye and left. I had called the next night and had asked her that I want nothing to do with her and that I want the money back that i had let her borrow to buy a computer table, which she said she owuld pay me back. Then I canbeon my way. we set it up that I would meet her the next day. the next day came. I had texted her to see when we could meet. she never got back to me. then I called around 2 and no answer.

the next day I called and she starte yelling at me il get my money etc. blah blah blah. and she was like what do you think im not gonna pay you etc. she kept trying to weasle out of paying me and I was like I want the money etc..
then she wa slike I want you out of my life ill do anything. so i was like good get me the money right now and i will be. I told her how aggravated at the way she had been acting and it wasnt right and she just used me. she had told me she was at work and couldnt leave so I said thats ok I will come there now and she hung up. I was down the block form her work. she called me back but i missed the call. I called back and all of a sudden shes on the highway in her car. so she was lying about being at work. and I had told her how stupid do you think I am how many times are you going to weasel out of paying me and how could she get form her work to by her house so quick.

then she says she has the money where do i want to meet and im like you left nyc knwing youhad to pay me back and now you want to meet up. I suppose she wanted me to go by her hosue to pick up the money. I was like why would I do that when you dont want to be bothered by me. am I suppose to go there by train and coem back right away? I ended the convo with I F'N Hate you and hung up.


then the next day I calle dup and apologized for telling her I hated her and that I oculd never hate her. and then I said have a good weekend and a great vacation and KEEP THE MONEY and hung up.

I have not called her since she is in miami right now on vacation with her kids and this week has been ok but I just keep thinking about this married guy playing hr and its just killing me.

I have thought about going to her parents and lettting them know how much i love her and ask them for her hand in marriage and trying my best to get back with her and buying a ring.

this whole married guy thing has me worried and even if i proposed she may just say no but maybe not.. I mean I was going to ask her to marry me It just wasnt the right time. Now this married guy has her enchanted and it seems the time is off. perhaps if I act on asking her she will realize my actions are real and not WORDS...


please any help in my situation would be greatful

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Definately a long read, but it seems planned.

Any woman who uses children and family to get her end result, desire, "finance" as pointed about which that part I agree with, is on a mission, has a plan, and is not worth your time.

I would say that you are vulnerable, and were being taken for a ride.

And, I would say she will stop at nothing and this married man is whom she is now chasing.

Walk and don't look back.

CW

[beerock]

seriously she has two kids to think about. for 3 years I was starting and getting my company together and barely worked. I know it shows dedication but when you have two kids and your last husband lived off of your families money it is something that she would not want again. I was not going to be like that but the way I was barely working she could assume that.

it was not just financial but that was a contributing factor.

I just need advice on the whole married guy thing and if I should go to her parents while shes away in miami. I am not going to tell her parents about the married guy as that is something I have to figure out and hopefully I will get some help here?

like i said I thought about sending her an anonymous email when she gets back from miami(so I dont stress her out during her vacation). with all the articles about married men. Or just flat out send her an email from me.?

[anonymouswhitefemale]

You have zero chance of success.

Anything you say will make you seem like a desperate sore loser.

Sorry.

On the other hand though, it seems like you dodged a bullet.

[beerock]

Definately a long read, but it seems planned.

Any woman who uses children and family to get her end result, desire, "finance" as pointed about which that part I agree with, is on a mission, has a plan, and is not worth your time.

I would say that you are vulnerable, and were being taken for a ride.

And, I would say she will stop at nothing and this married man is whom she is now chasing.

Walk and don't look back.

CW

If you had two kids and had a ex husband who lived off of your families money. You knew what you want, wouldnt you plan? It was known she wanted me to marry her. I suppose she was getting impatient. I also suppose her family was putting pressure on her. Which was wrong on thier part. Her first marriage was sort of pressured by her family because they kept asking her when she would get married and she ended up marrying her ex husband and realized the day of their honeymoon she didnt love him.

Im sure that if your situation was like that and you beared two kids to a guy who you did not love just to try and make it work you would plan things a bit betetr for the next time?


I now the married guy is what she is chasing and a married guy is so much mroe competition then a single guy. Howwver we allknow the psychological BS involved with a married guy in a adulterous relationship. and even if he does leave his wife, which I doubt he will end up cheating on her.

I am just worried about her and what she will go through. I have always been there for her and if she keeps going on with this she is going to curl up into a little bal and possibly do something worse. I willnotlet it happen I just don't know how to go about it.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Us guys always like to think about what the poor girl will do without us.

Once they rely on our reasoning abilities to base their lives on, how will they cope without? Well, I'll tell you. They'll start shagging someone else who can tell them how to live their life...

As men we are replaceable, and you have been replaced.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

But, why is it that she likes him?

She liked him before you, from what I understand and still does.

And, no, it is not relevant if a guy has money or doesn't, in the bigger picture, sure there are children and they need to be cared for but it sounds like the family don't want her to rely on them and so she was searching for someone who could support her, not love, she didn't love her first husband according to you, and maybe not you either, but she seems to love this guy.

What seriously can you do?

CW

[beerock]

You have zero chance of success.

Anything you say will make you seem like a desperate sore loser.

Sorry.

On the other hand though, it seems like you dodged a bullet.

yea thats why I havent said anything. It is the truth and I know she wont listen and think ims a loser. But what other recourse do I have then?

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Living a happy and fulfilled life.

That is your only recourse.