[3girls4me]

I'm not likeing dh at the moment. He can make me feel like in seconds. I was fine this morning then he said something about me, don't even know how to explain what he said it was so weird and now I"m depressed. We have been together 15 years, married for 9 and have 3 kids. We are building a new house this summer. I should be the happiest ever, but some days I want to leave. I don't know how I even could because I have no job, and no friends. How do you know if you are being emotionally abused?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I imagine a word got automatically removed, in your first line there

So, you are saying that he "put you down" and made you feel bad about yourself?

Emotional abuse is exactly that, someone constantly puts you down, makes you feel your not that worthy, not that fantastic, everything is your fault.

You feel like your walking on egg shells all the time because you don't know when the next lot of words are going to be hurdled or what for

You NEED to have friends, why don't you have any friends and the house your building is that further away from your family?

Find a part time job and find a hobby where you will meet people because living in the shadow of one person only in your life, will lead to non independence and therefore, dependancy on your husband...

CW

[WildChild]

We all have ups and downs in a relationship. You need to communicate. Tell him you need to talk and when would be a good time? You need to not be hyper emotional, nor likely to be interrupted. Perhaps the kids can go to a friend's for a while? Tell him how you feel, don't go on the attack, just explain and see what he has to say. He may need some time to think about it, rather than giving a knee jerk response.

CWs suggestion that you get some part time work or something to get you out of the house and around new people. You'll find more of interest in your life and be more interesting to be around. That just may do the trick.

[3girls4me]

We are moving further from my parents, but since we have lived next to them for years I think thats a good thing. They will only be about 10 minutes from the new house. The reason I don't have any friends is a was hurt badly by a group of women and have avoided new friends totally my issue not because dh won't let me have friends. I do have friends I guess in a very casual sense, not ones that truly know me. I've probably made him feel the same way at times, I've goggled emotional abuse, I say I am more to him then he is too me. He moved from his friends and family, about 2 hours, I control the money because he wasn't good at paying bills. And he says I make him feel stupid sometimes. So I guess am not, I do need to trust women again though.

[Joy]

sounds like you both need some emotional healing. Congrats on the new house! I hope you guys find the sunshine in this situation. They say building a new house is a very stressful time in any relationship.

You say that you are a lil emotional abusive to him. Maybe his acting back tired of it and giving what he got. Can you guys find a common ground by giving each other compliments rather than tearing each other part with words?

I guess you can only believe negative things people have to say about you if you believe it about yourself. Same as you can only accept a compliment if you believe it about yourself.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

The fact that your not working and don't have friends that you can count on, and only family next door means that you probably get quite bored with life in general

I think it's great that you can ascertain your downfalls and now you have to work on them.

In addition to controlling the finances, work out if you feel you are controlling full stop "through bordem" and if you can't, work that out as WC said, sit down and talk it through. For example you may control every cent right down to what he can have as play money, whereby he feels maybe belittled, hense his comment about feeling stupid, for instance you may nag a fair bit, which sounds controlling whereby he doesn't feel he is good at anything including taking the rubbish out.

You know we all get hurt, there is no way around it, it is part of life, don't ever let that stop you from trusting again, and perhaps teach your husband how to budget instead of controlling the money for the same reason, showing him trust.

Communication is the biggest key to success of anything in life.

CW