[p7875]

Hello everyone

My husband and I had a discussion last night and he told me when he sees attractive women he imagines how they would look naked and also he imagines having sex with old girlfriends when he sees them..I am bothered by this but It makes me feel like I am not good enough or that he does not love me the same...When I see attractive people I look notice but I rarely find myself fantasizing or thinking about my old boyfriends..Please help I am totally out of me element

C

[Hopeless Dork]

I bet a lot of men do this but don't have the nerve to share it. I am sure my boyfriend does it, but I think he'd know better than to tell me something like that lol. I think openness and honesty is what a relationship is based on, do they need to let us know things that hurt us for no reason ? Eh.

[blondie80]

I would seriously sit down and have a chat about how that made you feel, there are really some things that men dont need to tell women no matter how open and honest a relationship is its that simple, im sure most men fantasize about these things to a degree but its something we dont need to know they would be a lot better to notice and give a little gesture to let us know that we are the ones they are after i think everyone wins then!

[rcoreyus]

That was very "honest" (read stupid) of him to tell you that. I'm sure a lot of men (and a lot of women) fantasize about old partners (or about other people). Rather than be upset (after all this shouldn't have surprised you), why not feel flattered that he felt he could tell you.

[Hopeless Dork]

Oh goodness, I do suppose you are right Rcoreyus, you got to commend the man on his BRUTAL honesty.. but I also agree with you that it was a stupid stupid stupid thing to do. No different than telling a lady at a bus stop that is minding her business and eating a donut "wow now I see why you are so fat" or "Hey is that a new wrinkle I notice, dear? Disgusting!" Openess and honesty is great, but that is just an overshare, almost like he is trying to hurt you.

My boyfriend looks at porn, naked women mostly. I know he likes naked women. When we see a pretty girl in public I always wonder if he's imagining her naked, I am sure he does quite a lot of the time if not ALL the time lol.. if he was to confirm that to me, I would freak out, even though I KNOW its likely happening , there is a certain amount of respect we give the ones we care about , enough to not hurt them where no possible good can come from it, and no lies or deviousness is accomplished during the act.

Having an affair , while it might hurt to be told, should be told as things like that , std's etc.. its just a need to know thing. Fantasies.. unless you are asking someone to be a part of them, or wanting to hear theirs, etc.. something of that sort just don't need to go there.

I recently stumbled upon my boyfriends porn stash and wish I hadn't. Not that I didn't know he looked at it, but to actually see the women that fuel him when I don't... thats something that stuck in my brain. When I see girls that look like the ones in the pictures and we are together my stomach goes into nots and insecurity and anger blazes within my body. But I deal. If he was to actually say the words.. wow I just imagined her naked I would think he was cruel on top of being a jerk and I would be out of there.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

That was very "honest" (read stupid) of him to tell you that. I'm sure a lot of men (and a lot of women) fantasize about old partners (or about other people). Rather than be upset (after all this shouldn't have surprised you), why not feel flattered that he felt he could tell you.

Totally agree with this... Nothing to add.

CW