[sallyskellington]

we are both very unhappy, and im not really sure why either of us stay. The thing is I love my husband and all and he loves me but I just don't wanna be bothered with him. I don't like being intimate *and I don't know why* again its like I just don't wanna be bothered. He always says the only reason he hasn't divorced me is he doesn't wanna see me on the street cause I can't fend for myself financially and he has no where better to be. Over the holiday weekend we went to Atlantic City to see Penn and Teller and we stayed over. So I decided to be nice and try to be intimate with him and gave him a bj. And when it was over instead of saying thank you we got in a fight and he called me a hooker. All we do is fight most of the time, to the point that before we got married our friends were taking bets on how long before we divorced or one of us killed the other. I just don't know what to do.
Sorry for ranting

[mr.mansview]

this does not sound like love to me..perhaps you are holding on to something that once was..why would a husband start a fight after a bj? did he get his sexual relief and then jump back into "jerk" mode? i also don't like your title "i'm screwing up my marriage"..sounds like a two way street to me..start looking for a way out..a relative or friend or a women's shelter..this "marriage" is no doubt contributing to your other problems as well..start looking for help..you don't need to put up with this..good luck..

[hippiechick2405]

How long have you been married? Is it just him that you don't want to be intimate with, or do you think you could be sexual with someone else? I don't doubt that you two have love for each other, but it sounds like it's more of a "comfortable" marriage.

[Hopeless Dork]

Hi sally, it sounds like you have so much going on right now and I am sorry you are having to go through so much. You mention you decided to be nice and give a bj and instead of a thanks you got a fight... just have to ask if you made it seem like you were doing him a favor, or if you acted genuinly interested in pleasing him. The former, could cause resentment, especially when someone had been denied access to their partner for a while. Not saying this is what you did, just trying to get a feel for what might have upset him.

I know if my boyfriend put off sex with me, then gave me a little play and was like there, happy now - say thanks. I would be offended and start a fight regaurdless of how good the orgasm was, so just trying to rule out any of that being a factor in him turning into a jerk after you being so considerate. He had no right to call you names. Him saying he won't leave you because you aren't able to fend for yourself sounds like he is being controlling. Putting the notion in your head that you would not make it without him.

It sounds like you have some feelings and thoughts to work through on your own at this time, and instead of being supportive he is adding to the problem. I don't think it may be the best time to decide if your marriage is failing based on all the other circumstances because when one thing in your mind feels bad, everything else usually does too so its hard to gauge. Try to enlist his support, try to remember why you fell in love with him and remind him of why he fell in love with you. Marriage is for better or worse and you are going through a rough time, he should be able to be there to help uplift you right now while you need it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey Sal..

Well, my sweet, I have to say I thought what HD thought, that after you gave him a bj, you told him off for not saying thanks.. He's your husband there is no thanks but what you really wanted maybe was for him to hold you and kiss you on the forehead and say something like, "love you"...

Is that basically what happened, you mentioned something straight after?

Emotions are really hard, you don't deserve to be called a Hooker irrespective, that's non-respect and not on...

You know why you don't like sex, it's taking off all your clothes and exposing yourself which your not yet comfortable with even with him to an extent. How, to get you to see your beautiful, I don't know, I hope it happens one day.

Actually? I do know.

Your with the wrong partner. It's a little clearer.

If you had someone , who said your beautiful, I love every part of your body, I love you, you may actually see.

I also agree with Dr M... your heading is not correct, it takes two...

It's tough without work, where to go, but you know? I did it... I left... I found somewhere, a way, and nothing is impossible, nothing.

Don't hang about because well where else am I to go.. If you aren't happy, get.

CW

[sallyskellington]

this does not sound like love to me..perhaps you are holding on to something that once was..why would a husband start a fight after a bj? did he get his sexual relief and then jump back into "jerk" mode? i also don't like your title "i'm screwing up my marriage"..sounds like a two way street to me..start looking for a way out..a relative or friend or a women's shelter..this "marriage" is no doubt contributing to your other problems as well..start looking for help..you don't need to put up with this..good luck..

yup he pretty much did. Kinda rolled outta bed and started fighting

[sallyskellington]

hippie,
we have been married under 2 years. I don't know if I could maybe idk

[sallyskellington]

HD,
I guess it was kinda like here take it idk. And he is right we both know I can't afford to live on my own. Our rent for our apt is over 1700 a month without utlites.

[happy ending]

just because he is the financial provider doesnt mean he can act like a jerk, it sure does make it difficult though.

[crystalrose]

Hugs to you Sally....you know there are two main reasons when women don't like feeling intimate. For one women emotionally need to feel loved (that is a big one) and the second is hormones. It is bound to be one or the other or both.
I got on top of my hormonal problems by seeing a naturopath who made a herbal remedy suited to me.