[kms]

It's good that you're staying with a friend, but make sure he knows you're serious about this, and that it isn't just a temporary thing. You firmly leaving once and for all sends the message that his behavior is unacceptable and will have serious consequences if it continues. If you stay, you send the message that it's not a big deal since you'll always suck it up and take it. If you truly love him and want the best for him, you need to leave. Your leaving could be the wake-up call he needs to fix his life. Indeed, his recovery could take a long time and you don't need to stick around to wait for it. You deserve better than that. But if you do really care, leaving him is the best way to push him to get the help he needs.

It's kind of like a mom who never disciplines her child when he misbehaves because she 'loves him' and 'doesn't want him to feel bad.' That's only a temporary fix however; she's doing far more long-term damage to him in the end by enabling his bad behavior. The child will grow up to hurt others and most of all, himself. While your husband is not a child, the concept remains - if he sees no negative consequences to his actions, you are sending the message that his behavior is acceptable. The problem is, you could be the one getting seriously hurt - or worse, losing your life. That's not 'true love,' not to him or yourself.

[nicole79]

If he hit you once he'll hit you again.With or without help. What if one time he beats you so bad he kills you? If you stay it will get worse cause then you are letting him know its ok! He has a big problem thats gonna take alot to fix it.Best to get out now while you still can!!!!

[katscuddle]

Good, I lived throug abuse when I was a child and there was no happy ending. After my mother and I both got out of the hospital after a 4 week stay,the next day when we were suppose to go to school and work, we left him and there was still more to come. So if your giving him another chance I think staying with afriend of family is the only way to go until you are ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN you are safe. Please take care and be careful. Best of luck.

[bekcheff]

Get help

Oh how hard!!!

I know you must hear this a lot...but you need to leave him. Abuse is a cycle. There is the phase of buliding anger....the abuse and the honeymoon phase where he apologizes and promises never to do it again.

You need to leave and stay with someone you trust. This may trigger him to realize the depth of his problem....or maybe not.
If you chose not to leave him now....you should make a plan.
Have your important documents and some extra money and clothes hidden away so that the next time he hits you ( and he will ) that you can get your things and leave. Don't feel like you can change him.....he may have issues that he needs to work through on his own, and you can't do that for him.

NO person should live with abuse....and my guess is that he is or was verballyabusive and / or emotionally abusive to you before he actually ever hit you....Use your time away from him to build yourself up...learn something you want to learn, and remember what a good person you are

[diana112396]

Oh dear!

My Heart Breaks for You. . .Some friendly advice,
No man has the right to hit a women, no women has the right to hit a man.
Alcohol in the midst of abuse most definitely will encourage the lack of control one has over themselves in situations. However, this is not an excuse for his behavior. If he is aware that alcohol is condusive to his violent outbursts, he needs to stop drinking NOW.
It is statistically a proven fact, that when and if a man hits you, he will do it again, usually becomming more violent with each outburst.
I know that being newly married is a time of many adjustments, and frequent friction between spouses. Still, violence is not the answer, please take it seriously.
Both you and your husband vowed to love, honor and cherish each other forever. Violence is not born out of love, but hate, anguish and underlying emotions that need worked out. Guilt comes after violence, because rationale tells the person they violated another with their act. However, apologies are easily said and often mean nothing, but are used as a means to pacify the victim. True apologies are backed with action, and in this case getting help and never touching you again in angry or threatening way.
Marriage can be such a wonderful institution, if you respect, love and cherish each other daily. This is not easy, and it is the biggest and sometimes the hardest job we have in life. Sometimes I think we all have grand expectations of marriage, some very unreal. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, but with diligence, a happy healthy marriage is attainable.
I will not tell you whether or not to leave your husband, as this is up to you. Knowing that abuse has the potential to escalate without intervention should motivate you to seek help for him as soon as you can. Please make every effort to settle this now, before your life together brings little ones into this world.
Many times, abuse poses more than physical issues for the victim. Mental and emotional issues quickly follow. Find a confidant to talk to, to work out this situation with rationally. Frequently, it helps to have a sounding board. Perhaps if this situation is cared for properly you will be able to maintain your marriage. Keep in mind you are worthy of his respect and admiration.

Lastly, If you love your husband, and he loves you---get some help from a minister, a counselor, or a mental health provider as soon as you can.

[renee69]

Leave this man(boy) because if you leave now you can leave with your life instead of a cascet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[stressed]

He seems to need serious medical help. I voted for 'leave', but if the matter is medical you can give him a try. Still, keep in mind that this is something extremely difficult to cure.

[whit4488]

you cant live in a constant fear honey. get out. he might be doing untrustworthy things behind your back. drugs. i know a women whos boyfriend was what you described your husband is. bipolar doesnt cut it. there is something more there. he's always going to think he has you under his wing and is in constant control of you. you live in fear of him, he knows he's got you where he wants you. get out and never look back.

[Guest]

i would end it now. what if you stay,and he snaps on your kids in the future?

[cntrygrl_z28]

I've been in an abusive relationship myself, it lasted almost 3 yrs. I was a bit younger(14-17 yrs) but he used to hit me when I'd call him out about stuff(i.e. cheating, partying, etc.), which he denied). Everytime he'd apologize and I'd just let it slide. Even though he'd say he'd get help, he never did. And every fight we had it only got worse. I finally decided to leave him. that's been 7 years ago and now I'm married to a terrific MAN. I think I let it slide so much b'c I grew up with my mom and dad always fighting and it ending with him hitting her. So to me it was normal, until I grew up and was out on my own and realized that there are real men out there that know how to treat a woman.