[CHANDLERS WISH]

CherryBaby

he's seeming more and more bored with me. I've done everything I can to try to make sure that he is satisfied. Now I'm feeling like I am not good enough

,

Can I ask you "when" did he start complaining what you "don't do...

And what type of things has he asked, proposed that you do that you haven't..

I note the above quotation you made, and I think most have gone with another quote you made, "I'm not a porn star, I don't have to", if it was out of your boundries and you have been giving your husband sensual, horny, sexual sex and intimacy, been a bit wild, and he's asking you to perform way above that and only recently, what about you, what does he do for you?

Porn Stars are actors remember, but he may be saying simple things until you answer it's hard for anyone really to get the real picture here.

What do you like to have done to you?

He shouldn't complain, rather "discuss/communicate", with you that he would find something a bit exciting and talk about it with you to see if you would as well...

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

bribri

Another time he asked me to leave the house so he could masturbate, and then when I came home, feeling like , I saw that he had left the pictures he was masturbating to up on the computer eventhough it was closed (i.e.the laptop was simply shut)...the worst part...the pictures were of a mutual friend.

bribri, what sort of photos were they of your mutual friend?

Where did he get that photo from?

Are you close to this friend, is she a friend? I am wondering whether there's more here, irrespective though, that's down right bad....

That's disrespectful in a very big way, it's not a woman he's looking out rather someone you both get together with...

Your 25, I don't know if I would bother with counselling but I would bother with establishing whether there is anything between those two. Because that's a separate issue in itself.

I am sorry what you have stumbled across but even if nothing was going on between them, who does he think he is, asking you to "leave your home" so he can masterbate.. to start with.... but then to return to find out it was your friend he was masterbating too.

CW

[bribri]

Corey, I really appreciate just being able to get it out. Thank you for your support. I know that my husband is crazy about me, I just can't understand these actions of his. Truly, the worst part of my problem is that it is becoming a mental illness for me...THe second of these incidences occurred probably a year ago, and during that time, eventhough I was going to counseling for this issue, it just kept geting worse. I have always had self esteem problems that I think are more related to my past than my actual looks. My friends tell me that I am a pretty girl. But you combine my own personal self esteem issues with his actions, and what you get is a lot of hurt, and pain , and crying, and feelings of inadequacy, and thoughts of getting breast implants, and ultimately...anger! I love this man, and I am going to go to counseling to try to deal with my own issues. But he is going to have to go to counseling too, for my sake. I don't think he has a porn addiction, I think he has a habit that he had before me, that has to go now. I think he needs to read some of this forum, or others, on the topic of how many countless relationships have been destroyed by this. And how many women feel even worse about themselves because of it. Thank you for providing me a place to vent. I can't tell you how much i've needed it.

[Sonora]

Try to get some counselling maybe a family preacher or therapist if you don't try to fix this you will end up divorced no one can withstand this horrible addiction it destroys marriages and familes.

[littlemisssunshine]

I've been married for 21 years to a sex attic. I've beat myself up. Lost 60 lbs became thin and healthy, but it only got worse. He cheated with someone 100lbs bigger and 10 years older. thats the only one I caught him with. but I know there were more. IT IS NOT YOU... I know how you feel. We were in therapy for 2 years and the therapist told him... you can have your wife and family, or you can have porn, one night stands and men oh yeah men too. but you can't have both.
I left for 3 years, I learn to forgive, and he realized he screw up his marriage and family and it wasn't worth it after all. I think its all about be secrative, we recently moved back in together. Do I trust him? I'm cauious. I will not allow myself to go throught what I went through for 10 +years again, I'm strong enough now to get out, and he knows that. We've promised to be totally honest with each other. If one of us wanted to cheat or didn't think it was working we would tell the other. Do what is right for you, trust me! You are prettier thinner and sexier than you give yourself credit. It's his problem and he has made it yours now, Tell him by lying to you, you don't get a choice. If he is honest with you, at least you can make your own decisions as to how to deal with the situation. I know it is easier to say then do, but be strong you owe it to yourself. Good Luck, I hope this helps... As Tina Turner sang "whats love got to do with it".

[ttaleas0399]

I think the most important thing is to talk to him about his needs. What does he want? After all that's what I expect too. Unfortunately, we all have different drives. Looking and watching porn (or even baseball) can be a hindrance.