[Storm]

My husband started to paly WoW around Oct 08. I really didn't think much of it at the time. My best friend tried to warn me about the game and how addictive it could be come. March of this year I discovered many telephone calls on his cell to an number in Louisanna, and several txt msgs. When i first asked him about it, it must have been the wrong number until i saw a txt msg that said i miss you with his name that he uses in the game. He finally admitted to me it was one of his guild members and her so called husband calling him and checking on him because he had a fight the previous night. On top of all this I found out that he has been Role Playing with another guild member. He tells me that their toons have feeling for each other but that is it and because i think that it is cheating he has stoped BUT he stills talks to this girl everyday on Vent and helps her run doing different quest. I have started myself playing the game. It is fun to play but i dont RP with anybody. But i find myself hard to trust him even though he says he did nothing wrong and it is all my fault. I'm losing my family over this and i dont know what to do anymore.

[WildChild]

You can live in this world or that world but a lot of people seem to have trouble doing both. He's going to have to make a choice or can the two you team up in the game?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

She texted his "fantasy" name and said " I miss you" that wasn't a husband calling him, you saw it.

But i find myself hard to trust him even though he says he did nothing wrong and it is all my fault.

I kind of get peeved when someone decides after doing wrong, to try to shift the blame to the other person and claim it's their fault.

What? He is gaining attention and your not giving it to him?

It's an evil game, it's an addictive game and it's one where if your un-happy with life, you get lost with your new identity and it takes over you.

You have to get to the root of why he feels he's un-happy with his life, tell him to quit trying to shift the blame onto you, and "both" of you stop playing it, change his mobile number and work out a plan for the two of you to enjoy your time together, have fun and be intimate and happy with your lives together.

CW

[golden_nemesis]

WoW has a powerful pull on people, but it does not create the problems, only exacerbates them. If a person has an addictive personality type, they are far more likely to be sucked deep into the alternate game world. My partner has played it from time to time, but fortunately for me, he has very little in the way of addictive tendencies, and keeps his priorities straight.

I have met few people in healthy relationships where one partner spends any large amount of time playing computer games. People get to wrapped up in living fantasy lives and stop paying attention to the things that really matter in life.

This person he is talking to is part of that fantasy, but that does not make it any less insulting and problematic. I think it is very important that you and your husband have a non-confrontational, constructive conversation about his usage of WoW. Establish a curfew or time limit. Or ask he play only three days a week. Just agree on a compromise that will allow him to engage his fantasy some of the time, but stay grounded in reality for the majority of the time.

Also, if you can manage to keep your eyes from bleeding with boredom, whenever he finishes playing, ask him about what quests he might have done, how it went, who he worked with. And don't make it sound like you are monitoring him, but rather as if you are asking how his day at work went. It is up to you whether you want to have a character in the game, but at least encourage him to talk about his experiences, to connect you to that fantasy life in some way.

Good luck!

[blondie80]

Ok i have a couple of questions to ask, especially when me and my partner both play wow as well, first how is your relationship other than him playing warcraft?
Since you have started playing warcraft as well have you asked him for help if he can help level your character and run some quests and instances with you? It would be interesting to see how he reacts to all of this as well, if you are going to keep playing can you be in the guild that he is in as well maybe been reffered by him?
Its hard to comment without knowing atleast a few basic things, no matter what its not all your fault that he is txting and ringing someone else, thats just wrong, if he has a problem he should deal with it not blame others, other than that can you work out timetables and things where he is spending time with you's? How much does he play? Sorry for so many questions just want to get a better idea of whats going on here.

[Storm]

He has agreed to help me level my toon, but right now we have only one computer, so when i get done playing he gets on. And yes i am part of the same guild but were has he tells me to ask in guild chat to ask for help on certain dungeons, raids, i get no reponse from other guild members. I have been told by a couple of people that because i started playing and this girl knows i'm watching when he is doing raids she is going to make sure no body helps me out. He has agree when we get the second computer to help lvl my toon but he also has his thing to do which is fine and i understand it. They both know i have a problem with them talking or always in a party together, because i have physciall told her this and him, but neither of them will stop (and all i get told is nothing is going on she is BI and has a husband) but when i tell him or show him things that people say to me he dont believe me. Granted we have had problems in the past and i never claimed to have the prefect marriage to him and i know u have to work at it ever day, and i have always trusted him up to this point. He gets off work early the first thing he does is come home and get on WoW. I have asked several times lets take 2 or 3 days and not play just for us time, but i get told that is boring. Not to mention that this girl will log off from the game when i'm on but she will sit in Vent and ask other players if i'm still there and wait for my husband to get on

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[Rose in the thorns]

World of Warcraft is a good game but thats just it, its a game.Being highly addicted to it can be destroying.My sister had a fiance who was addicted to wow and they are not together anymore because he chose his game over socialising and being with her. It seems that your husband has become too attached to this virtual world and that he needs to make a decision, his famiy life or the game. I disagree with his contacting other online members my moblie phone, it just goes too far. If i were in your situation I would talk it out with him and tell him how you feel.

[blondie80]

I think that you guys have a problem, sorry to hear that she is so persistant as well it makes all of this ten times harder if she doesn't have a problem with what is going on she wouldnt sit on vent and wait till you log off, she would also be on playing as normal if she had nothing to hide.
My partner and I play together, we do some quests and dungeons now that my toon is higher i run his lowbies through things and help the level process, but we are on the same guild, i dont have a problem with having a flirt or being smart and cheeky in guild chat, we both do that at times thats ok thats where its innocent, nothing meant of it, when someone is calling and txting and waiting for you to leave so she can go on talk to your husband thats just wrong.
If i feel we are on wow too much then generally i will say something like i have had enough for a little while or something or ask for the time, and i get it, its never a problem and when i have said once in the past that i missed him he knew what i meant straight away so i guess im lucky there wow doesn't rule his life.
I would ask for atleast an hour after he gets home from work before he goes on wow try and slow the process down of him getting on there, let him know your worth more than wow, reward him for waiting ten fifteen minutes even, because at the end of the day wow gives him all that he needs as far as achievements and sense of being really worth something go.
Tell him how great he is, flirt a little more when he first comes home, tell him you have missed feeling close to him, maybe dont even mention her to start with like the op said, try and drag him out of there it is a real alternate different world. Its hard to say but I know if that was happening to me and i talked and talked and maybe even nagged and nothing i think i would just spit it and walk out, but thats me i would just hope that not being there for a while would end up with him realising that he missed me. I have also told my partner that if he was to spend that much time on wow i would have no problem deleting his toons, selling his wow account on ebay and doing a runner lol but i dont think i would ever do that but the thought is there i guess!

[Storm]

wow

I have told him and they both know i have a problem with this, and i have told him that i dont trust her at all, My husband is a natural flirt and i'm ok with this, because he most of the time means nothing and it is just innocent play and i'm ok with it. When the group has a big raid to do like Naxxramass i usually sit and watch him because i find it fun, and at times he is ok with this and at times he is not. As far as the txt and calling from other guild members, that has all stoped and yes i check his call log and msg from my cell phone provider ever day.

We are working on the second puter but i'm hoping to have that by the end of july. (crosses fingers). I do know he got jealous one day because we have 2 gay guys in the guild and they were whispering me back in forth because they know what is going on and worried about me. I had to sit and laugh about it.

The past two days he hasnt been on at all or played for only 1 hr. and i saw the husband i married come back to a point. Part of me feels like i'm losing everthing but i'm still trying to hold on.