[stressed]

I've been thinking about this a lot and yet I haven't reached a conclusion. On the one hand I have nothing against masturbation in general, but on the other hand masturbation+porn+bad sex life just doesn't work no matter how you look at it.

NJman: You should ask yourself what kind of curiosity it is that leads you to this. My fiance was the same, he's stopped with that now. He also said it was just curiosity, which led him to browsing dating websites and chatting with all kinds of people. If you guys are 'curious' about how other naked women look like, and I'm talking about 'real' women with an email address, phone number and such, then why have you decided you commit to just one woman? I don't get it. There are tons of naked women on magazines, tv's, half-nude women walking down the street, men have to realize that this is enough pressure on women as it is, they can do without the millions of online women who like showing their bodies to strangers.

CW: You're correct about everything. Strange thing is that he was totally different while we were on holidays (without a pc). He was up for sex every day, flirted with me, made me feel attractive and wanted, but as soon as we're back home he's the same. He jokingly nags almost daily about me not wanting him to watch porn and sooner or later I'm going to sit down and have another discussion about it because he seems to be forgetting the point again. If he would at least say "I want to watch porn because this and that turns me on", but nope, it's just porn. I've asked him a few times to watch with me but he didn't want to, as usual. Sex has become a rarity again and even I don't feel up for it as much anymore since there's not any visible interest from his side. Oh well, life goes on...

[Guest]

stressed-

This is your fiance? What are you sticking around for? Do you want to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE sexually frustrated, bitter and suspicious?

Marriage doesn't make things better, nor does it change a person, especially a man. Things will only go downhill.

Marriage does, however, make it more difficult and more expensive for you to go your separate ways. It is also embarrassing.

This isn't a good sign. I had my bout with porn in my last relationship. I'd prefer watching internet porn and masturbating than having sex with my ex. It ruined me and ruined our relationship. It had nothing to do with her, she was quite attractive.

He isn't going to change. I'd recommend ending it. A marriage to this man and his habits will end up in pain and ultimately disaster.

I'm sorry.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

CW: You're correct about everything. Strange thing is that he was totally different while we were on holidays (without a pc). He was up for sex every day, flirted with me, made me feel attractive and wanted, but as soon as we're back home he's the same. He jokingly nags almost daily about me not wanting him to watch porn and sooner or later I'm going to sit down and have another discussion about it because he seems to be forgetting the point again. If he would at least say "I want to watch porn because this and that turns me on", but nope, it's just porn. I've asked him a few times to watch with me but he didn't want to, as usual. Sex has become a rarity again and even I don't feel up for it as much anymore since there's not any visible interest from his side. Oh well, life goes on...

No I disagree, it's called "settling"

So I agree with OTYA.... Seeing as he's a male and has told his story more than once and has actually changed his entire life for a woman and has given her so much that he has received "10 fold" including post it stickers with love messages, sex messages, interesting "hard on" messages, as a result.. Yet, he did it.

Is it not called an addiction?

I went away too and was able to give up smoking, looked at some guy who lit one and laughed OMG? I didn't feel the Urge WTF?

Yet, I went back as I then got to my girlfriends with ex and the tension with her probs and husband and her smoking like a train well you get it.

So, point being then, ........he...............came..................hom e....................goodness I wake grab a coffee and check here for Spam every day, day in day out, not facebook first, not, my work emails first but a dedication which is an addiction in a "nice way ")" and reply as well as much as I can, then I say oops work time.

See?

It's an addition don't settle, sort it or move on..........

He needs helps so sorry....

CW

[Guest]

ease up a bit,its just porn. it could be far worse.

She doesn't like him looking at porn and i am with her on that one as i wouldnt want my DH looking at it either if your in a happy relationship their is no need to look at porn now is their??

[stressed]

I have to read more of OTYA's posts as I think I'll find them very interesting since I need to see that point of view too. It's just a terrible feeling sensing that your man is interested in everything sexually portrayed on screens and photos than yourself, even if he means no harm. No matter what pics/messages/clips I've made for him over the years he'd only say he finds them silly or just say they were very good, but watching porn alone is his thing. And to tell me 'it's normal for guys to watch porn' made me so angry. God, it's 'normal' to be turned on by your gf too, why isn't that happening?

I'm just complaining here until I find the right time to talk with him again...it helps...

[stressed]

And I have to mention another thing I need to get out of my chest.
A couple of months ago a man hit on me and went as far as to start kissing me and leaving a lovebite on my chest; thankfully his wife called him and it ended there, although I filled a report for sexual molestation to the police and of course I told my fiance about it. The only good thing out of this incident is that it made me realize that I can still be psysically wanted by somebody even if I'd never cheat.

The thing is, I had to go to a meeting and discuss this event with an expert a couple of days after it happened. My fiance worked afternoon that day and even though I told him I needed him with me he said it'd be better if I'd go with his sister instead. A few days later I found that while I was in that important meeting he was at home watching porn. When I found that I accused him for being sick and a pervert for wanting to watch porn and masturbate during a time when I'm emotionally upset. I had even asked him to have sex the night before but he said he was tired. He still doesn't like that I called him a pervert that time, and it was the time when he said "watching porn is normal". I just can't comprehend how a man can feel the need to watch porn when his girlfriend could have been raped only days before.

Another time he was so ill with fever, cough etc. I had to be his nurse for days, he wouldn't get out of bed or even move. Then I had to be out for a couple of hours and, again, I found that despite his cold he browsed porn. As if he was faking his cold or as if he could get out of bed for porn but not me. Eventually these things can get to someone and make her 100% against porn. Deception is not nice at all.

(felt like complaining a bit more)

[mr.mansview]

instead of complaining, just leave..do yourself a favour..you're not married yet and as OTYA said things will only get worse..one day when he is not home leave a note and tell him u have had enuf..you've given him way more chances than he has deserved..

[Guest]

No. Watching porn and rejection your woman is not *normal*. I will debate anyone who would like to about this topic.

I don't think anyone who is in a committed relationship should be watching it alone. I attribute it to cheating.

The things they do in porn are so unrealistic and unnatural that it skews a mans point of view. Teaches them a one way street to their own gratification.

Why do you think that so many men are clueless about a woman's orgasm? All they do in porn is jack hammer for a few minutes and then cum on the woman's face. Great tutorial, eh?

After reading your last post - I would say definitely get rid of this guy. Why would you want to marry a man who isn't sexually interested in you? You two get married and I would bet a million bucks divorce is inevitable.

[Tigerlily21]

I agree with Chandler's Wish. He does need help. He's addicted to porn. He lives in his fantasy world of porn and once he's glued to his porn, He forgets the true reality. Seems like once he's done wacthing porn,he can't return to you.
In my opinion, if he does not except help. My dear, move on. It's going to be a stressful life with him. Especially if he can't appreciate true beauty that he has in front of him.