My boyfriend and I met 3 years ago on the Internet. I fell in love with him very quickly, and when he told me that he'd broken up with his previous gf for me, I believed him. Four months later (after he had proposed and I had said yes), I got a call from a very angry fiance-his!! After discussing it, we both realized we'd been played and dumped him, though I haven't heard from her since. I stopped talking to him until a little over a year ago. We agreed to be friends, and that was all. Soon he had broken up with his new squeeze, and earlier this year, he asked, practically begged to give dating a shot again. Just dating. He didn't want to move too quickly. We promised we'd forgive and forget and move on, that this was a new relationship.
And I thought I had. I thought things were fine, until in February his ex sent him a package with all sorts of gifts, and a perfumed note ending with "Love always and forever, *****". The package had come while we were leaving for a romantic date. I was furious, but he swore they had broken up. He even called her right there, asking what in the world was going on. I let it go, trying not to remember what had happened all that time ago, because it was a "new relationship".
Then in May, I was having finals. I was stressed out and my professors just wouldn't let up. I started getting the feeling that something wasn't right. In a moment of impulse, I checked his email. I found old pictures of his roommate. He had sworn up and down they were just friends, but these were very naked pictures. Again I got furious and cried and screamed and did the typical female thing. He said it was a long time ago, why was I going through his email? He also said that she had been using his phone for someone else-her husband. I let it go again, because I was too exhausted to argue. And I wanted to believe him.
Well, we decided to be exclusive a while ago, and just about a month ago, unforeseen circumstances had me packing up my stuff, homeless. ((Long story short, my roommate found someone cheaper)). He took me in, and we just decided to move in together. Then he told me that he wanted to marry me, that I was the one and that he needed me. We haven't gotten married, but we were on that track until a few days ago.
Well, he's been known to talk to people online. He claims they're friends. The other night I just got that feeling again, and even though it's so creepy to even admit, I tried logging onto a site that he uses (he gave me the password, saying he had nothing to hide). Funny thing was, the password had been changed. This alarmed me, but I finally reset it and logged in. He's been talking to some chick online about BDSM and all this sexual stuff. I'm furious, but at the same time, I'm ashamed for looking through his stuff, and they didn't talk about doing it to each other. They were referring to her "Dom". He was giving all this sexual advice to her about what feels good and what she should try. It kills me because our sex life has gone to , and I feel like I'm begging him for sex all the time. We talk about it, and he would say that he's not feeling sexual because he's stressed. But here he was spewing stuff to a stranger when he never did any of it himself. We also had made an agreement that we wouldn't meet or get personal with anyone online, and I felt betrayed.
I don't know. I mean, I know his family, he introduces me to everyone as his girlfriend (now fiance), and other than this whole fiasco, everything seems fine. Is it me? Am I just so paranoid about what happened years ago that I'm ruining our relationship? What do I do now that I found it? And I feel so creepy...checking his accounts like a stalker or paranoid girlfriend. I'm usually not like this at all, but now everytime I leave for work I'm worried that there's someone else he's talking to. I told him I'd found it, and all he said was that he was sorry. He hardly said two words, because he "didn't know what to say". I just don't know. I am humiliated and I feel sick. Please go easy on me - I'm asking for advice. Sorry if I sound stupid, but if I'm planning on marrying this guy, I can't keep being paranoid and creepy. It's not fair to either one of us.
Thanks in advance and sorry for typos.
And I thought I had. I thought things were fine, until in February his ex sent him a package with all sorts of gifts, and a perfumed note ending with "Love always and forever, *****". The package had come while we were leaving for a romantic date. I was furious, but he swore they had broken up. He even called her right there, asking what in the world was going on. I let it go, trying not to remember what had happened all that time ago, because it was a "new relationship".
Then in May, I was having finals. I was stressed out and my professors just wouldn't let up. I started getting the feeling that something wasn't right. In a moment of impulse, I checked his email. I found old pictures of his roommate. He had sworn up and down they were just friends, but these were very naked pictures. Again I got furious and cried and screamed and did the typical female thing. He said it was a long time ago, why was I going through his email? He also said that she had been using his phone for someone else-her husband. I let it go again, because I was too exhausted to argue. And I wanted to believe him.
Well, we decided to be exclusive a while ago, and just about a month ago, unforeseen circumstances had me packing up my stuff, homeless. ((Long story short, my roommate found someone cheaper)). He took me in, and we just decided to move in together. Then he told me that he wanted to marry me, that I was the one and that he needed me. We haven't gotten married, but we were on that track until a few days ago.
Well, he's been known to talk to people online. He claims they're friends. The other night I just got that feeling again, and even though it's so creepy to even admit, I tried logging onto a site that he uses (he gave me the password, saying he had nothing to hide). Funny thing was, the password had been changed. This alarmed me, but I finally reset it and logged in. He's been talking to some chick online about BDSM and all this sexual stuff. I'm furious, but at the same time, I'm ashamed for looking through his stuff, and they didn't talk about doing it to each other. They were referring to her "Dom". He was giving all this sexual advice to her about what feels good and what she should try. It kills me because our sex life has gone to , and I feel like I'm begging him for sex all the time. We talk about it, and he would say that he's not feeling sexual because he's stressed. But here he was spewing stuff to a stranger when he never did any of it himself. We also had made an agreement that we wouldn't meet or get personal with anyone online, and I felt betrayed.
I don't know. I mean, I know his family, he introduces me to everyone as his girlfriend (now fiance), and other than this whole fiasco, everything seems fine. Is it me? Am I just so paranoid about what happened years ago that I'm ruining our relationship? What do I do now that I found it? And I feel so creepy...checking his accounts like a stalker or paranoid girlfriend. I'm usually not like this at all, but now everytime I leave for work I'm worried that there's someone else he's talking to. I told him I'd found it, and all he said was that he was sorry. He hardly said two words, because he "didn't know what to say". I just don't know. I am humiliated and I feel sick. Please go easy on me - I'm asking for advice. Sorry if I sound stupid, but if I'm planning on marrying this guy, I can't keep being paranoid and creepy. It's not fair to either one of us.
Thanks in advance and sorry for typos.
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