[Colorado]

I might add that there are guys that fall into the same category. This is by far 1 sided.

I'll also add that when two people become attached in a relationship they should not do so with the thought of "I better not offer 100% of myself (my feelings) as it's likely to end in divorce, so I'll just be careful with my feelings so I don't get hurt." That in my opinion is a definite self-fulfilling-prophesy, and is nothing but 100% insecurity. If you are in THAT state, then stay out of the/a relationship. You need to have trust that the other will not break your heart though sometimes it will still happen, but I contend that holding back is deceitful and selfish, and no way to be part of a relationship. I would NEVER follow this advice.

Someone has obviously been hurt here, and they suggest that because of it you should never give your heart 100% and that is simply SAD.

Do I understand this? YES, absolutely, I've been there as many of you know who have read the thread about this... but that doesn't mean I would go around providing advice that would become hurtful in a relationship.

[Guest]

Was this a thread or a lecture?

Adultery Insurance? How about being open, honest, faithful and sincere? Treating your partner with decency, honor and respect?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Interesting, Colorado, I'm 100% behind you well said, my beliefs as well...

Seeker Kaylar was around longer before I came here, she is/was a Solicitor/Lawyer for family mainly Divorce and that does happen in this world, she contributed alot, helped alot of people realise "those that had tried and tried and tried but were being abused, used, especially abused"...

I recall when I first joined having gone through emotional abuse, blackmail almost as well, and words I can't don't want to recall, and things, it's past and you all know that I believe past is past, present and future is all that is important but when I wrote my blog? On my marriage it was this lady's words that helped coupled with the amount of support and replies I received, as a member not a Moderator and whilst I am not defending I am explaining...

Women's Forum, women being abused, she was the leader of help....

Alas, not sure what happened....

But, no sweet, not a lecture, a different era, a different type of Forum then and alot of abused women were here, I wish they would continue to come here as I am sure we collectively as men and women, would be able to give as well, hers was the law...

CW

[Colorado]

And I certainly appreciate anyone willing to help another get through tough times.

It really sounded to me like someone had a really bad occurance happen to them and maybe wanted to vent.
You know "men are pigs", "they are all the same", "never give your heart over to a guy", etc, etc, etc...

I guess we're all allowed to get frustrated and vent every now and again. :0) I just hope she dousn't REALLY feel that way - it'd be a sad state of affairs.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Actually, I think that's why Little banned her As, her opinions against men became quite evident, but still she was good value

I wonder if all you do for a living is listen to bad marriage situations, where they women are honestly being hard done by and it's your living, so it's your way of making money, that you don't actually turn against men?

Interesting.

[Colorado]

Would make a good study! :0)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Wouldn't it just

[ManINeedACoffee]

I might add that there are guys that fall into the same category. This is by far 1 sided.

I'll also add that when two people become attached in a relationship they should not do so with the thought of "I better not offer 100% of myself (my feelings) as it's likely to end in divorce, so I'll just be careful with my feelings so I don't get hurt." That in my opinion is a definite self-fulfilling-prophesy, and is nothing but 100% insecurity. If you are in THAT state, then stay out of the/a relationship. You need to have trust that the other will not break your heart though sometimes it will still happen, but I contend that holding back is deceitful and selfish, and no way to be part of a relationship. I would NEVER follow this advice.

Someone has obviously been hurt here, and they suggest that because of it you should never give your heart 100% and that is simply SAD.

Do I understand this? YES, absolutely, I've been there as many of you know who have read the thread about this... but that doesn't mean I would go around providing advice that would become hurtful in a relationship.

I, too, 100% agree with you on this, Colorado. How are you supposed to have a healthy, functional marriage if one or both of you is holding back? The more you hold back, the more distance you create with your spouse. My impression was that your spouse was someone that you DO put 100% of your faith and trust in. Marriage is challenging enough without adding the secrecy to "protect" yourself. When you get into any kind of love relationship with anyone, you're signing up for the possibility of getting hurt...it's just a risk you need to be willing to take.

That being said, i do agree the one should not make one's spouse (I'm going to go ahead and use non gender specific pronounce here, as this works both ways) the center of one's universe. The happiest and healthiest married couples I've seen are those who both maintain their independence and individual identities. But...holding back? That's going to harm a relationship far more than help it.