Hi there!
I'll preface by stating that as you can see by my post count, I am a new member. I've lurked for a little, reading topics that have similarities to my current situation. I've grown comfortable enough to speak about them at this point.
Essentially, here is the deal. My husband of 5 years in September had moved out mid July into his own dinky apartment. He isn't cheating - if you knew him and his value on personal integrity, you'd know immediately that he's not that person. He said that he needed to get some time alone and work out his own issues, this has nothing to do with me.
Going back a few months, he comes home, tells me I'm more like a roommate than a wife to him. It sends the giant cannonball across my bow, and he was right, I gave him space due to his recent promotion and stress levels, but perhaps it was too much space (if there is such a thing)? So I re-prioritize and give him the attention that any wife would give a husband. The next month, he tells me I am too much of "a servant" - keep in mind, he got home at midnight from a 14 hour work day every day, and I wanted to make sure he at least ate appropriately so he would be ok the next day. Since I was unemployed, staying up wasn't an issue for me. I just wanted to see him.
Then he comes home and tells me he wants a divorce. I am completely shell shocked. I have been divorced before from a *very* emotionally abusive man, and while thinking about our past, I didn't see any reason for the divorce to be wanted. big fight ensues, long story short, it was his way of jarring me into realizing that he had bigger problems that went unsolved for a year. He is bad at communicating these issues, btw. We discuss him finding a male roommate or a very cheap apartment for a few months, which relieved his mind a bit and he was able to open up more to me with his concerns etc. I told him that we would not be able to afford more than 3 months maximum, as I had no job and his salary was not enough to provide what was needed (I have 2 teens from the 1st marriage btw).
He moved out on the promise of bringing me the car (ugh! we have ONE car btw) when I needed to get stuff done. He fell back on that promise repeatedly, when I would text him about events that needed transport, he would say "ok, I'll be there" but would not appear. I would go into a blind panic, then later the next day I would get a text stating he had a migraine, was in bed all weekend, will talk to me later. I do not know where he lives - he will not tell me. He's lost about 50 pounds and looks HORRIBLE - downtrodden, saggy, exhausted every time I see him.
He told me this past monday he wanted a divorce again, after promising to seek counseling and never pursue the idea of divorce again. I freaked out again on the phone - I am working 20 hrs a week at a burger joint since I can walk there, and am a full time student online. I told him that there was no way we'd be able to pay his rent and my rent, so he pulled his direct deposit from OUR bank account. I also told him I wanted the car back, as he is forcing me to break my custodial agreement.
I'm stressed to the max, I have no idea if he is worth the chase anymore. I will wind up losing my children to my exhusband - who neither like due to his attitude - and having to move into a women's shelter or whathave you, my relatives aren't able to assist me in any of this. All my friends are his friends as well, or live very far away and have limited time to communicate.
Sorry for the wall of text.
I'll preface by stating that as you can see by my post count, I am a new member. I've lurked for a little, reading topics that have similarities to my current situation. I've grown comfortable enough to speak about them at this point.
Essentially, here is the deal. My husband of 5 years in September had moved out mid July into his own dinky apartment. He isn't cheating - if you knew him and his value on personal integrity, you'd know immediately that he's not that person. He said that he needed to get some time alone and work out his own issues, this has nothing to do with me.
Going back a few months, he comes home, tells me I'm more like a roommate than a wife to him. It sends the giant cannonball across my bow, and he was right, I gave him space due to his recent promotion and stress levels, but perhaps it was too much space (if there is such a thing)? So I re-prioritize and give him the attention that any wife would give a husband. The next month, he tells me I am too much of "a servant" - keep in mind, he got home at midnight from a 14 hour work day every day, and I wanted to make sure he at least ate appropriately so he would be ok the next day. Since I was unemployed, staying up wasn't an issue for me. I just wanted to see him.
Then he comes home and tells me he wants a divorce. I am completely shell shocked. I have been divorced before from a *very* emotionally abusive man, and while thinking about our past, I didn't see any reason for the divorce to be wanted. big fight ensues, long story short, it was his way of jarring me into realizing that he had bigger problems that went unsolved for a year. He is bad at communicating these issues, btw. We discuss him finding a male roommate or a very cheap apartment for a few months, which relieved his mind a bit and he was able to open up more to me with his concerns etc. I told him that we would not be able to afford more than 3 months maximum, as I had no job and his salary was not enough to provide what was needed (I have 2 teens from the 1st marriage btw).
He moved out on the promise of bringing me the car (ugh! we have ONE car btw) when I needed to get stuff done. He fell back on that promise repeatedly, when I would text him about events that needed transport, he would say "ok, I'll be there" but would not appear. I would go into a blind panic, then later the next day I would get a text stating he had a migraine, was in bed all weekend, will talk to me later. I do not know where he lives - he will not tell me. He's lost about 50 pounds and looks HORRIBLE - downtrodden, saggy, exhausted every time I see him.
He told me this past monday he wanted a divorce again, after promising to seek counseling and never pursue the idea of divorce again. I freaked out again on the phone - I am working 20 hrs a week at a burger joint since I can walk there, and am a full time student online. I told him that there was no way we'd be able to pay his rent and my rent, so he pulled his direct deposit from OUR bank account. I also told him I wanted the car back, as he is forcing me to break my custodial agreement.
I'm stressed to the max, I have no idea if he is worth the chase anymore. I will wind up losing my children to my exhusband - who neither like due to his attitude - and having to move into a women's shelter or whathave you, my relatives aren't able to assist me in any of this. All my friends are his friends as well, or live very far away and have limited time to communicate.
Sorry for the wall of text.
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