[indecisive]

I have been writing about how my husband and I have been separated for a month and a half now and how my husband has treated me in the past and it has caused me to fall out of love with him. I also have a best friend (guy) who treats me exactly the way I have always wanted to be treated and a few of you have responded to give the best friend a chance and divorce the husband. My dilema is that my husband is tired of waiting for me to make a decision on whether or not I am going to give him a second chance and I kinda want to because he has shown signs of treating me better but I still an unsure that he is capable of treating me the way my best friend does and my best friend said that if I get back together with my husband then it isn't a good idea for us to hang out and do things together because it will be too hard for the both of us since we are starting to fall in love with eachother. I keep thinking that if I give my husband a second chance it won't work because I will be too depressed from losing my best friend because he has already made it clear that we will still talk but can't hang out. I am so happy when I am with him and I am really going to miss that. He likes to do alot of the same things that I do as my husband does not. The other problem is that my husband and I have a 6 year old son together and I really feel that for my son's sake I should really try to make it work with my husband. We haven't been to any marriage counseling yet and neither of us really want to go but does anyone think that would help me fall back in love with my husband or should we just both move on? This is such a difficult decision to make and I thought that him moving out would have made me miss him but I don't. I do love my husband, I am just not in love with him and he is still in love with me and wants me back more than anything he says. He did say last night that he is hurting so badly that he can't take much more rejection from me and that we either need to be happy together or we need to find happiness elsewhere.
Does anyone have any advice? or similiar situations they would like to share? Thanks.

[AFemaleProdigy]

The thing you have to understand is that people have certain personallities that can't be changed overnight and usually not at all. There are a lot of things to concider in these types of situations.

Men tend to panic and say anything when they feel like they have lost their woman. It's true that want women more when they can't have them. If your husband is the kind of person who treats women badly with no remorse or concern, then he will most likely always be that way. You might get back together with him and things will be great at first. You will see him making a noticeable effort to be better. But once he knows you are his, the friend is out of the picture, he will slip back into his old routine. It happens time and time again. Very rarely do men actually follow through with being better.

So where will this leave you? You will be hating him more then ever and depressed that you let what may have been your chance at love and happiness go when you chose your husband. Life is too short to waist on people who don't know how to treat you right the first time.

Do not stay with him because of your son. If you stay with him, you do it for yourself. Children pick up on your unhappiness no matter how well you think you are hiding it. Yes, divorce is hard on children, but if you stay with him, you are telling your child that it is ok to live in that sort of relationship. Your child will see your husband treating you badly and will think that is how life goes. Your child will be much happier when you and your husband are happy and moving on with life.

Choose the person that is most likely to make you happy, treat you well, and enrich your life. It sounds to me like the best friend would be the better choice, but keep in mind... you need to do this for yourself and no one else.

[indecisive]

Thank you so much for your reply AFemaleProdigy. What you said makes a lot of sense and it helps to hear what others think. I will definitely keep those things in mind when making my decision.

[AFemaleProdigy]

You are most welcome. Let us know how things go for you.

[kaylar]

Panic!


Many years ago, a wife left the husband who
went berserk and wanted her back. And he
went on and on...
but the fact was...
he didn't want her to leave him.
He wanted to leave her, and she had
offended his ego by being the one to
leave.

It sounds childish, but in happens to be
that kind of male problem we see in all
sorts of arenas.

For you to leave him means he loses.
Hence he must get you back to win.
He must prove he is the Great Man
to get you back.

He has no intention of changing or anything,
he has intention of preventing you from
moving on.

Let's deal with the most likely outcome of
your return....

He goes on nice for a few days, then
it is business as previous with the
added thorn of you having left him
before.

Your life is getting miserable, the fellow
you could have had a future with has
moved on, to give your marriage a
chance.

Whatever you and he had is over.
Hence, you can not leave your husband
for him, because he is not who he was
or in the situation he was...now...

So you are in a worse condition by going
back to your husband than you are now.

Now we take the other fork...
you and this chap decide to make a life.
Children adapt very quickly.

So, you marry this other chap and have
a shiny new happy life.

[AFemaleProdigy]

Amen to that, Kaylar!

[indecisive]

Thanks so much girls. You have been great. I just hope I make the right decision. I am definitely keeping all of the things you have said in my mind and I am definitely going to make the decision for myself and not for anyone else's happiness (which is what I always seem to do) I never make anything about me and it is time that I get what I want. I will let you know what I decide and I will probably need more help later. Thanks.

[indecisive]

Just a quick update: I told my friend how I was feeling and then later that night (after he made me dinner and we walked on the beach) he told me he loved me. I have friends and family telling me that I need to give my husband a 2nd chance and if it doesn't work then get a divorce but I am so attached to my friend that I really do not see any point of wasting anymore time. I am so scared of taking that step and then having family and friends looking down on me because I didn't give my husband a 2nd chance. No one knows about my feelings for my friend so that makes it really hard for anyone to understand.

[kaylar]

Life is Not a Raffle


Life doesn't come with an eraser,
nor sell 'chances'.

You want a chance, you buy a
raffle ticket.

I don't believe in forgiveness and
second chances. I have never seen
them do more than turn one person
into the human sacrifice and give
the other carte blanche.

You have a future with your best friend.
Why throw it away?
You gave your husband YEARS of YOUR LIFE.

Now you are to give him more Years?

You have a chance to be happy. Take it.
You go back to your husband, your friend
will get the message...SECOND BEST.

Now why would you best friend want to
hang around when you have proven he
is SECOND BEST.

That your husband comes FIRST.

This is the reality we see because we
are looking at all angles.

Divorce your husband.
And go with your Best Friend.

[AFemaleProdigy]

Do what you feel in your heart. Don't settle for something that may never get any better. Since your friends and family don't really know the whole truth, then you can't go by what they say. And don't get hung up on "what if it doesn't work out with the new guy?" Because that should not be the question, but rather "how will my life be if I stay with my husband?" If things don't work out with the new guy, then you can continue on your path looking for someone who will be right for you. But you will never forgive yourself if your husband never changes and you miss your possible chance at happiness with this other guy. Listen to your heart and do what's best for YOU. Don't be afraid to take a chance. You only live once.