[joanne a]

Hi its jo again. Too new at this. Im not sure if i was reading responses from my thread or not.

Basically - together for 10 years. worked my off did everything for him and our son. Married me June 13 left me july 18th. I was pregnant at the wedding, found out a week after he was having an affair, although he did not admit to it at first it was drawn out over the next few weeks. Everything was in my name, stuck me with loans and bills. Wont help with baby sitting cuz its not his responsibilty anymore cuz he is not in the relationship. Cant leave my job and have no sitter???

My question is, how can someone stop loving me and let another woman in while he is living with me planning a wedding, then moves right in with her and say's "sorry, its just over" "im done, i dont love you, i havent for a long time, I didnt know how to stop the wedding, so move on" ????? how how how how???? Im a freakin mess, my kid is a mess, he has no job still, living with her and her son (not his own) in her parents house, uses her car (left me paying for the one I signed for him) she obviously is paying his bills, he said I was too heavy and she is bigger then me????? no regret, no remorse, no doubt - when he see's me he is so cold, like he hates me, i know he hates me and I was the one who still loved him even with his BS i put up with for years. im scrambling for day care and changing hours at work and trying to make bills and he comes and takes josh for a few hours to chuck e cheese and leaves????? MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER . Im pretty, I work hard, im a nice girl........why did this happen to me???? what does this person offer him except a new start???? what if he goes on to get the good job i needed him to and gives her the house and vacations etc etc etc and me and our son are just left in the dust???? I dont know how to date anymore? I dont know where to meet men??? Im so hurt, I miss talking to him , seeing him, oh thats the other thing i live in a small community which he always hated and now he lives 5 min away, people new we were just married and he is galivanting around town, the weekend after he left, he brought her up to the family campground (no one new what happend yet) and introduced his new girlfriend? the last time his family saw either of us was at our wedding a few weeks before???? do they have no shame? even her, I would have slit my wrist before I showed up as the other woman? I dont know when he changed. He used to so jealous with me , he used to say i'd be the one to cheat one day???? was my hole relationship a joke??? I dont know what to do? I hate my life, I love my son and continue on for him, but its hard being alone.......I have MS and certain things are hard for me to do that I relied on him for. To wrap it up, I got married, lost a baby, lost my husband all within a month. how could he have betrayed me so easily and left me in such a pickle with no plan no warning? how do you go from being the love of his life to some piece of he kicks to the curb.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

This is a great place to Vent.... and wow that's a lot to deal with and work with.

I am so sorry you lost your baby and I am assuming you lost the baby "before" he left? And you have a son together as well?

I think in your heart you knew that you were "settling" the day you got married, you were "content" not in love and he may have just gone down the path because he was/is a Dad and you were about to have another baby.

I am so sorry again for that lose.

But, you have to be thankful in one way where he is concerned. He is the one making a joke out of himself, showing his lady up as "this is my girlfriend" just weeks after his wedding in a small town.. You don't have to fear that people can't clearly see that is wrong, it's wrong.

As for the bills he has left you with? Other's will give you advise on that note, you have to seek advice, as well as child support advice.

You won't see it now, but it was on the cards before the wedding and it sucks for sure but you will find someone who will want you and your son and he will show more respect...

Your going to go through alot of emotions at the moment, just keep your chin up and try to tell yourself your better off without him in the long run and you can now start your own life, the one you didn't have in those 10 years.

Take care.

CW

[sourpuss]

Unfortunately, no one will ever know the answers to 'how could someone do that' type question.
I'm so sorry this has all happened to you, sounds terribly hard to handle. But the fact of the matter is that- it happened, he's obviously a jerk and now you have to move on.
Instead of asking 'why did he leave' be thankful you're not with someone like him. (sounds like a real piece of work) and start asking 'how can I be happy and give my son a good life'? Because really, that's what's important. You can't base your life and self worth on how others feel about you, because you'll ultimately be let down.

You have to be happy for you and for your son. If that means swallowing the lump of garbage your ex left you and moving forward and just saying the past is the past...then that's what you need to do. Take time to care for yourself and treat yourself right. Respect your feelings and your body and your pursuit of happiness and eventually you'll be glad that he left you to enjoy life rather than being weighted down with his carp, you know.

Moving on will be hard, but the longer you are sad/hurt/angry the less time you have to be happy.

[Joy]

He is obviously immature. Who gets married and then 3 weeks later leaves. He has made a fool of himself and his whole family. Not to mention this new chick making a fool of her too. You don't worry people are looking at you thinking ... she dodged that one.

I know this is a slap in the face, a punch in the gut, but really in time once the dust settles you will see some of the most horrible circumstances turn out to be the best thing that could have ever happened in our life.

I'm sorry you lost your baby.

Look to heal to carry on to provide that great life for you and your son. The best revenge in life is living a good life.

lots of love going out to you and your son.

[HALFNOTHING]

The best revenge in life is living a good life.

Moving on will be hard, but the longer you are sad/hurt/angry the less time you have to be happy.

Agree with the above posters. I know its hurt a lot and how you feel in the situations.. you just have to be thankful that he left that sooner.. I think, the hard one is if he stays besides you while seeing other woman and still denying and lie.. the perfect time to you to be happy is right now.. i understand that moving on is not that so easy but there's a reason to move on. i agree that the best revenge is him to see you happy and successful. Its his lose not yours..and he's not worth to love and live with.. the fact is you're lucky to lose him..

[joanne a]

Thanks everyone, I know this is true, but its just hard. Im so tired, and I fear so many "first's" first christmas, first birthday.....etc etc etc. Am I terrible wishing him unhappiness??? I so want this new relationship to fail and hope he achieves nothing of the things that we dreamed of together that I alone was working toward? I dont need any karma on me. I suppose I'll get through eventually but right now im still caught between Missing and loving him and entering the angry I hate him stage. I dont know. I just want my mind to shut down for a day or two but it apparently wont listen to me. I forgot what it was like to sleep, to wake up happy. You should have seen my dress.......it was gorgeous, I waited so long to be his wife and have my day in the sun, and he crapped all over it. I normally dont wish bad things on people but I hope they both get slapped the plague.

[Guest]

I'm very sorry to hear this. He sounds pretty disgraceful.

Please - learn from your mistakes.

You have to accept SOME responsibility for the situation.

In my opinion, it is too often, peope go into marriage with blinders on thinking that a cermenious title and a piece of paper will change things. It does not.

Pick up the pieces and move on. Use what you have learned to avoid this in the future.

Good Luck.