[noor]

I follow the hanafi school basically while he follows the shafi school of thought. But my family isn't too rigid.

[noor]

I've really thought about this. The more I feel like leaving him the more I feel guilty. Now our relationship is going good. After those incidents nothing happened. He's really good to me now.

[caterpillar79]

Please look after your safety. It is not worth all your suffering. This man is abusive - you aren't even married yet, how much more would you suffer had you tied the knot?

Leave...run.

[WildChild]

I'm curious what religious school of thought he follows. Mainstream Islam teaches that hitting the wife is completely unacceptable.

I don't have time to dig up the surah, but Quran always out weighs hadith and the Quran tells men that beating the women of their household is acceptable. This has been down played and widely mistranslated to make it sound more acceptable to people who haven't been indoctrinated. (there is no lightly in the original ) I won't get into Esposito's long term applogist stuff either. How about we add to your reading list? The Caged Virgin by Ayaan Hirsi Ali would be a good start. There are some organizations that deal with the results of this charming practice - you wouldn't believe some of the photos.

[danceintx]

I've really thought about this. The more I feel like leaving him the more I feel guilty. Now our relationship is going good. After those incidents nothing happened. He's really good to me now.

You are in what's called the "honeymoon phase" of the abusers cycle. It always ends up back in the "abuse phase". Any abused woman will tell you this.

[happy ending]

noor, even if you dont want to break things off, could you talk to your mother. she loves you, she has taught you to value yourself and be a proud independent woman regardless of your religion. i think your mum would have some valuable insights. as the mother of a beautiful daughter myself, i would have very strong feelings about the situation you have discribed. please dont let her find out, the hard way. that is all i ask.

[noor]

I appreciate all of your views. We indians are more emotional. I've given 6 years to this relationship.My fiance is the first person with whom I've enjoyed sex mutually.He had supported me when I was raped by my teacher when I was 15.He helped me get over it. Sex was a problem for me. He was supportive and we started having sex after our engagement. I've become really attached to him.Now our relationship is really going well.We've even started preparing for the wedding.

The thought of leaving him runs through me like a knife.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your a very deep person...

You have honor and loyalty...

He took you away from something and made you feel beautiful so you feel you need him, owe him even...

You also look at time... and feel that this is correct, proper.

If you stand your ground and make claim on things, somethings and he agrees, it may work.

If he continues to control with everything this is your life.

If you feel that you can take that risk and run later so be it.

No matter what we say Noor, you will do what you will do, because it is what you feel and that's okay.

Re-read what everyone wrote....take your time with marriage please.

Once married then you are going to eat what he wants, and do what he wants....this is clear.

Your are such a beautiful person do not forget this.

CW

[happy ending]

i still wish you would share with your mother, what you have shared with us here. you do not how much your mother loves you. when someone hurts you, they hurt her.