[secretfatima]

I am completely desperate. I'm a muslim staying in UAE. I have 2 son. the older is in the philippines. and the 1 is here.. I love my husband ever but sad to say, i just know that he married other woman last 2001 and 2007.. his family hide it from me coz i'm abroad. But, after a month, husband come back to me. I'm angry. I want to knock him out. do revenge. I learn to chat online. with new people.. and i met someone else. he helped me to go out. build my new life.

I want to separated with my husband to be with him. but hubby doesn't want to.

what should i do?

[kms]

Salam Fatimah,

You said you are staying in UAE, but you have a son in the Philippines? Are you Philipino then?

I think first put emotions aside and think about what practical steps you can take. If you want out of your marriage, what options do you have legally to do that? Can the woman start the divorce in your country? Were you legally married in UAE? Or in the Philippines? If you were married outside UAE, is it possible to request a divorce while outside the country? Or can you file for a divorce in UAE? It seems to me that you need to try to figure out the practical steps to getting a divorce first. In the US, a woman can start the divorce process without the husband's consent, but I know it can be more difficult in other countries. I wonder if your family can help you find out? What about your employer or friends in UAE - could they help you find out what options you have?

If you have to have your husband's consent for a divorce, what are his reasons for disagreeing? Or maybe his pride is being hurt by you asking for it, and that is why he is refusing...? If that is the case, I wonder if you could make it seem like his idea instead... :P

Those are just some ideas anyway, I know it's not much help but I think at this point you need to get as much information as you can.

[kms]

Also, I just read your post again - is your husband divorced from the other wife now? Does he want to get back together with you and fix the relationship? If that is the case, I think I would find out why he wanted to marry another wife, and then why did he leave her. And, why he wants to be back with you. Also, ask yourself why did you marry him in the first place? What good qualities does he have?

With regard to your new relationship, remember that a new relationship is always exciting and fun in the beginning. But over time, the crazy feelings and emotion fades, and what's left are real things, like compatibility, beliefs, lifestyle, personality, goals, etc. If those things don't match, the relationship won't work. So it would be a good idea to put aside your feelings and try to think logically about why you are interested in the new guy. And then how do those things compare to the good qualities in your husband? I know that him marrying another wife is horrible and very painful, and if that is too much for you, it is completely understandable. But also remember that the Quran says that if a husband and wife want to be reconciled (want to fix the relationship), God will make that happen. Trying to fix a marriage is always better than divorce, and as you know, God hates divorce. However, if you think that his actions were too much to be forgiven, then of course, that is justifiable and ok to ask for a divorce. The Quran also says that if you think you can't live in peace with each other, then divorce in a peaceful way (my apologies for the translation, and this is only paraphrasing too!).

If religion is important to you, you might talk to a religious leader that you trust to see what they have to say about it too. Marriage, divorce... these are all serious issues. You want to be really sure that you are making the right decision.