In order to save my marriage, I went to the library and checked out 7 books on relationships/initimacy. I started reading one last night - it feels like it was written for me. I can't wait to get through the rest of it.
It is Reclaiming your Sexual Self: How You Can Bring Desire Back into Your Life by Katherine Hall, PhD
"Low sexual desire is not a desease. It is the understandable result of an inbalance in your life...in your relationship, your life circumstances or your body."
My low sexual desire was a cry for help that something was wrong in my relationship.
With the help of this book, I am able to see that I have a lot of unresolved anger. That my husbands needs were taken care of (both basic - clothes washed, food on table, etc; social - he went out with friends while I stayed with kids, he played golf, etc; and sexual - I did my duty) my needs OUTSIDE the bedroom where not taken care of. I put up all wall because without resolving the relationship issues, our needs inside the bedroom could never be addressed.
For women, the other problems need to be addressed before desire and intimacy can return. And "duty sex" was driving us farther apart.
It's interesting because I'm finding that my lack of desire is a tangled web, not the result of one thing. Right now it's due to anger, but I'm finding out it started with the birth of our kids and the stress I felt which led to less desire, which led to less initimacy, which led to less communication, which just kept fueling itself until I felt anger and resentment.
I am eager to continue the book and find the tools to start resolving these problems. I just hope that my husband wants to solve them too.
It is Reclaiming your Sexual Self: How You Can Bring Desire Back into Your Life by Katherine Hall, PhD
"Low sexual desire is not a desease. It is the understandable result of an inbalance in your life...in your relationship, your life circumstances or your body."
My low sexual desire was a cry for help that something was wrong in my relationship.
With the help of this book, I am able to see that I have a lot of unresolved anger. That my husbands needs were taken care of (both basic - clothes washed, food on table, etc; social - he went out with friends while I stayed with kids, he played golf, etc; and sexual - I did my duty) my needs OUTSIDE the bedroom where not taken care of. I put up all wall because without resolving the relationship issues, our needs inside the bedroom could never be addressed.
For women, the other problems need to be addressed before desire and intimacy can return. And "duty sex" was driving us farther apart.
It's interesting because I'm finding that my lack of desire is a tangled web, not the result of one thing. Right now it's due to anger, but I'm finding out it started with the birth of our kids and the stress I felt which led to less desire, which led to less initimacy, which led to less communication, which just kept fueling itself until I felt anger and resentment.
I am eager to continue the book and find the tools to start resolving these problems. I just hope that my husband wants to solve them too.
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