[CHANDLERS WISH]

What do you want changed on your account? Let's see if we can help....

I think you Grandma will be a wise woman and she will really know the truth, like you though won't want to believe it and sweet? It depends on how you talk to someone, with anger, or with hurt one can come across as she did, she did, she did.... see what I mean?

AND then it becomes, he said she said.

I don't know if she knows that this has occured, she is more saving face of family, speak to YOUR PARENTS .... But in an Adult way.. not through anger

In the meantime, call her bluff you don't believe her but are you ready for the truth? in doing so, she will send you at least one message, but will that really be the truth? No matter who started it, it happened.

The ones to blame in reality is "both"....

Surely your own family aren't going to not stand by you... Some may but rest assure if you can, the truth ALWAYS comes out.

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hun, unfortunately, you may NEVER know the truth.

You have to decide whether you think he went of the rails or whether he has always treated you as "someone there", not "someone he loves"....

Make your decisions, your own and forget about family, they will work it all out as I said.

This is about your gut feeling, .... perhaps move back with your Mother for a tad... Then all will see that you are serious about this... Including him and you may be able to work out if it's you or just the fact you have a child together and I'm not being nasty there, but you have to see what you feel your future might be.

Let's see what others think, but by all means and please, add more.. The more you say the more we can picture, but only if you want to

Vent away...


CW

[Karma3]

Such a sad situation, and especially with your case because it involves a family member. Your husband and your cousin both cheated you. At this point it really doesn't matter who said what and when etc. What's done is done, and now you have to decide what you want to do. Your husband only told you because your cousin was going to and that would not make me feel very good. Of course your husband doesn't want you to leave him, and why? Because he doesn't have anyone else right now, but is he the type that will fake another relationship with you until he does find someone else? I mean, he didn't just have an affair...he had it with your cousin...a family member. That is the ultimate disrespect.

[always hopeful]

my heart and soul are with you

Your cousin is not worth your anger and sadness, she obviously is the type of person who trys to me the center, but doesn't, yes she is to blame because she is family, try to remember that family can be very hurtful and vegenful, especially when you are succeeding and are moving forward in life and she is not, did you ever think she may be jealous and this was the perfect way to "get one up on you"?...your hubby on the other hand is the one who needs to get some help. He is 98% to blame, and like CW said the only reason he told was because he was about to be caught, which to me is selfish. Anyways I have been having problems also with my hubby, except it happened about 7 years ago, I knew it at the time, but I believed him when he said nothing happened and put it behind me, now 7 years later he came out with the truth, and its been ruff....please do not let others break your spirit...believe in yourself....listen to what your heart is telling you, because you will have to be the one who makes the choice and YOU will have to be the one to forgive and work towards rebuilding because cheating husband only think they have to say there sorry and i love you a few times, and there job is done, but in reality (which they never do) they need to work twice as helping you to forgive them. About your other family members, remember your life is not theirs, you are the one living it, and the truth will come out. Remember listen to your heart.....

[AAA]

Thanks for the advice ladies. I've stayed away here, I just couldn't deal with it all. I have decidedd to give him another chance, and he is trying to win my love and respect and believe again. Most of the times it is fine, but then i hit moments like yesterday and it just really hurts.

He gets irritated when i get upset, but he says he understands how i feel.

She kept on bugging the whole family, and sending sms and emails, got her sister and brother in law to phone him, and ask if we can all get together and talk this out, he did tell them no. Eventually he got a letter from court against her, and she is still ignoring it, so in january when everything is open we will go to court.

I am just irritated with the whole situation.

My biggest problem, I think he is lying again, and i am not sure if i should follow my gut, or if it is because I don't trust him right now?

[somiserable]

When men have affairs, its because of their issues, not yours!!!! Don't ever forget that!! He may use you as his excuse, but thats only to clear him of his guilty conscience, you have to decide if you want to stay with him, and he seriously needs to decide what he wants. My husband cheated on me hun too, not with one but three women, I took him back and you know what, he never stopped!!! I had every excuse under the sun for the reasons he did it, I am now divorcing him and will never be treated like that by any man again. Make a list of the reasons to stay and the reasons to leave if you have to, I know I did and the list to leave far outweighed the list to stay (the only thing I could put on the list to stay was "he says he loves me"), at the end of the day it meant nothing, it was b***, quite frankly, all he was worried about was what he had got to lose (financially I mean). Stand tall, don't fall for his excuses, I know you're in bits but it will get easier

[happy ending]

aaa, your cousin sounds evil, she is trying her best to break up your marriage and she may yet succeed. i hope your husband stays away from her, because i think her next move will be to fall pregnant and try and force him out that way. is she a spoilt thing who has always had her own way? i feel that she was probably the instigator in all this. i dont know if your husband is lying, and i guess only time will tell, i feel deeply for you. she wants what you have, obviously has no morals and will trample over you to get it. good luck sweetie, and make sure you spell out to him, what will happen if anything happens between them again. does he really want to lose you and his family for an evil batch like her?

[KMonte85]

at this point, its not about the "he said, she said." its not about who is telling the truth. its not about if your mom, her mom, grandma, aunt, uncle, whoever believes what is going on here. Your cousin is trash. She was part of the problem, but she's no longer in the equation. Stop talking to her, she is only spewing lies anyway to try to save face. It is now up to you to figure out if you want to make this work with your husband or not. The details are far less important than just knowing that he was unfaithful to you with a member of your family. Those are the facts. Go from there and determine if those facts are your dealbreaker, or if you are willing to work this out. Seek counceling - with your pastor, with a therapist, with a support group... just get some help sorting out your feelings about the situation and come up with a gameplan. And you should probably suggest counceling for your husband as well - especially if you decide to try to stay in the relationship.


Oh, and you may want to make sure he gets tested for any STDS - sure you know he slept with your cousin - but where has she been? And have there been any other women? A husband who has been unfaithful can bring home to his wife more than just his guilt and shame....

[somiserable]

Its natural to not believe him, he ruined the trust not you!! You did nothing wrong!!!! People are very quick to judge others when they only get half of a story, if you lost a grandmother, then I believe she wasn't really that to you anyway, let them get on with it, hold your head high, keep your dignity at all times, do not let anyone put you down emotionally, come here if you need to, to vent, I know I found it useful, these people are only trying to grind you down, don't let them!!!

[danceintx]

Ok, obviously you can't believe what either of them say, accept that and just deal with what you know for a fact is the truth. They had an affair. My personal philosophy is, whether or not things were rocky or sex wasn't what it should be or whatever. EVERY relationship has problems at times. If a person can't get through them without cheating, there's no point to the relationship. My other philosophy is, there will always be meddeling, manipulative, loose women out there, but your man is the one with a commitmitment to you. Regardless of what your cousin said or did, he knew better. Take a good look at this relationship. Does he want to stay for the babies? Or is he in love with you? I am in love, and wouldn't think of touching another man.