I'm not sure you'd call this a fight but it's the first time I've cried so long and he's reached the point of not communicating. We got married in august after a very short period dating. I have severe insomnia. I don't sleep at all without pills and before I started taking pills my ability to function was so damaged that psychiatrists diagnosed me autistic before finding I just wasn't sleeping. We also have several animals that need attention and daily care.
Background info done. My husband normally goes to a friend's house 4hours away over new years. 2 weeks before I ask him to make plans if he's going to so can find someone to take care of the animals. His friend is busy. New Year's eve they call to say they are just getting home and we could come out over the weekend. My husband decides he wants to leave the next day. I say saturday instead but call people friday morning to see if it would be possible. Turns out it is but it meant dropping off my sister who had stayed over new years at my dad's, picking up food that the person can handle giving our sugar gliders, giving instructions, dropping off dogs to people, cleaning the house some, and packing in time to drive 4hours.
I pulled it off. Really stressed and just wanting to lay down on my foam bed but we arrive. The bed is tiny, the curtains might as well be nonexistent, there's a bunch of street lights outside the window, and the sun shines in nice and bright first thing in the morning. A little more info.... I have trouble falling asleep, I am very sensitive to light, I wake up at the slightest bit of sunlight. So night one I make the best of it, wake up 3hours earlier than I would have at home but I drag myself through the day holding it together. We play games with me half asleep, I spend some time on the computer while they play 2 player games, and so on. It went ok. My mom did call to say she nearly lost my dog and one of the sugar gliders escaped but luckily she managed to return it to it's cage. So I almost lost my 2 most important pets while gone. Tired, stressed, trying to keep it together.
Finally at 1:30am they say bedtime. I sit down in the bedroom to take sleeping pills and spend about 15mins with my head against my knee trying to keep myself under control but I accomplish it. I try to find a way to cover the window with a blanket to buy me some more time in the morning. I finally think I got something that works. Lay down with the laptop to waste a little time until I'm ready to sleep and my husband lays down next to me on the tiny bed. I told him I really needed more sleep or I wasn't going to function tomorrow and that I was really close to crying from exhaustion now. That's where it all went really bad. He snapped at me that I got half a night's sleep and why am I having so much trouble with that. I just cried. I couldn't do anything else. I was trying so hard to keep it together and so close to crying anyway. He asks if I want to just leave tomorrow which I didn't answer because I wanted so badly to make this a happy trip for both of us with him doing what he wanted with his friends.
Finally I just felt the need to get away from him until I could recover. He's been commenting this whole time on how I could have just stayed at home instead of being supportive and trying to help me in my attempt to make this fun. So I laid down on the floor not intending to stay there but completely exasperated he told me to take the bed and he'd sleep on the floor. After much shifting, pacing, laying down, sitting up, here I am laying on the floor as close to him as I can. He fell asleep completely frustrated with me. I don't think I'm going to get any sleep until things between us are better and he's out cold right now so I can't attempt to make it better. It's 5am already. The sun will be up in a few hours and then sleep is out of the question for me.
What will tomorrow bring? Am I going to have to sit at home lonely because of this stupid insomnia whenever he goes somewhere? Is he finally going to start to think this marriage was a bad idea since I require so much work to involve in his plans? Just how frustrated with me is he? Cause I'm very very hurt by his lack of understanding and snapping at me before I could explain. I'm also very tired and my brain is not entirely working. I feel more lonely sitting here next to him than if I'd just stayed at home bored and half a state away from him but not sleep deprived, stressed, and hurt. I tried my best to make it a good weekend and he hurt me instead of helping.
Background info done. My husband normally goes to a friend's house 4hours away over new years. 2 weeks before I ask him to make plans if he's going to so can find someone to take care of the animals. His friend is busy. New Year's eve they call to say they are just getting home and we could come out over the weekend. My husband decides he wants to leave the next day. I say saturday instead but call people friday morning to see if it would be possible. Turns out it is but it meant dropping off my sister who had stayed over new years at my dad's, picking up food that the person can handle giving our sugar gliders, giving instructions, dropping off dogs to people, cleaning the house some, and packing in time to drive 4hours.
I pulled it off. Really stressed and just wanting to lay down on my foam bed but we arrive. The bed is tiny, the curtains might as well be nonexistent, there's a bunch of street lights outside the window, and the sun shines in nice and bright first thing in the morning. A little more info.... I have trouble falling asleep, I am very sensitive to light, I wake up at the slightest bit of sunlight. So night one I make the best of it, wake up 3hours earlier than I would have at home but I drag myself through the day holding it together. We play games with me half asleep, I spend some time on the computer while they play 2 player games, and so on. It went ok. My mom did call to say she nearly lost my dog and one of the sugar gliders escaped but luckily she managed to return it to it's cage. So I almost lost my 2 most important pets while gone. Tired, stressed, trying to keep it together.
Finally at 1:30am they say bedtime. I sit down in the bedroom to take sleeping pills and spend about 15mins with my head against my knee trying to keep myself under control but I accomplish it. I try to find a way to cover the window with a blanket to buy me some more time in the morning. I finally think I got something that works. Lay down with the laptop to waste a little time until I'm ready to sleep and my husband lays down next to me on the tiny bed. I told him I really needed more sleep or I wasn't going to function tomorrow and that I was really close to crying from exhaustion now. That's where it all went really bad. He snapped at me that I got half a night's sleep and why am I having so much trouble with that. I just cried. I couldn't do anything else. I was trying so hard to keep it together and so close to crying anyway. He asks if I want to just leave tomorrow which I didn't answer because I wanted so badly to make this a happy trip for both of us with him doing what he wanted with his friends.
Finally I just felt the need to get away from him until I could recover. He's been commenting this whole time on how I could have just stayed at home instead of being supportive and trying to help me in my attempt to make this fun. So I laid down on the floor not intending to stay there but completely exasperated he told me to take the bed and he'd sleep on the floor. After much shifting, pacing, laying down, sitting up, here I am laying on the floor as close to him as I can. He fell asleep completely frustrated with me. I don't think I'm going to get any sleep until things between us are better and he's out cold right now so I can't attempt to make it better. It's 5am already. The sun will be up in a few hours and then sleep is out of the question for me.
What will tomorrow bring? Am I going to have to sit at home lonely because of this stupid insomnia whenever he goes somewhere? Is he finally going to start to think this marriage was a bad idea since I require so much work to involve in his plans? Just how frustrated with me is he? Cause I'm very very hurt by his lack of understanding and snapping at me before I could explain. I'm also very tired and my brain is not entirely working. I feel more lonely sitting here next to him than if I'd just stayed at home bored and half a state away from him but not sleep deprived, stressed, and hurt. I tried my best to make it a good weekend and he hurt me instead of helping.
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