[broken09]

have been with my husband for 3 years. We got married this yr in Aug. I have a daughter from previous relationship and we had our son sept 08.
the beginning of this year was really rough. We were fighting alot. more than usual. I have always suspected things were going on behind my back. Always different numbers in his phone that i would call and girls would answer or be on the voicemail. i would see texts in his phone hed say were his friends and under their name but the content was not something a guy would tell a guy. i even basically had the proof when i was texting one number i found and she admitted that they did talk but she was not the one i should worry about!!?? he would even accidentlly call me and be talkin to girls or about cheating or going to the strip club too see someone....of course i questioned and questioned. but always denied everything. even the numbers in the phone he ddnt know how they were in his call log or watever.. im stupid i kno.... i let it go. soooo dec. 11th 09 i get a message on fb. hey i been sleeping with your man. im pregnant and due in a few weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats all i read. the message was really long but thats all i read...... i have been thru sooo much heartache. i thought he was that one!!!! i thought all my loss and sadness were never going to come back when i met him. he promised me the world but gave me instead!!! he had soo many chances to tell me the truth. he knew she was pg. he says it isnt his but offered her child support right away... he says it wasnt a long term thing she does. he says he wants us to be together forever..... i feel tricked!! i feel lied too... i feel like our marriage that happened after he knew all of this and lied to me about it for 7mths and i married him blind!!!??? i am nothing without him. i am 25 with two kids, a g.e.d, and no way to pay my bills if i leave.... hes my everything do i want to leave??? i thought everything was picture perfect... for once i was actually starting to be happy..... i should of known it was too good to be true

[CHANDLERS WISH]

i am nothing without him.

Yes you are. Your, your own individual person... Your strong so quit feeling weak... Yes, you have two children but yes, your only 25... He's a cheater a lier and always was... Stop feeling that your trapped and there isn't a solution, there is when you get your mind straight and sit down properly and talk to people and find the solution, there will always be someone that will help you in life, always.

i thought everything was picture perfect... for once i was actually starting to be happy..... i should of known it was too good to be true

You "wanted" as all women do for it to be that way, after all you don't get married for no reason.

Again, remember who you were before you were with him which is the problem, you were only 22 and also had a daughter before that, so you felt safe, secure and "wanted love" and to be loved.

That's normal.

But, you don't pay money over to a lady for child support unless it's your child...

Don't fall for tricks.

You don't have text messages from women and set it up with a name like Doug...

Don't fall for tricks.

Lick your wounds, tell yourself the truth that you deserve better than that and get going, talk to your family, friends and find a solution to how you can survive on your own. You did it before, you'll do it again.

CW

[Guest]

you do not deserve that at all. you need to look back at all of the signs and realize that your intuition was trying to serve you well. you already know in your heart whether or not he can get his act together and be the kind of man you deserve.

if he is, work to get the both of you to counseling as quickly as possible.

if he isnt, then maybe you should look to get out as quickly as possible. i know it'd be hard with just having the ged and the kids to worry about. but the longer you stay the harder it'll get.

UNLESS, you make plans and start saving $ towards being able to get out and have a tentative date in your mind and to when you can make the break

[Hopeless Dork]

Well, my dear it sounds like the writing has been on the wall for a long time now. It sounds like more than you 'thought' he was the one, you wanted him to be. Sometimes when we are in love we see what we want to see and refuse to see what we don't want to. It sounds like you knew what was happening, went into denial for as long as you could until you got a facebook message spelling out for you in clear words what you could not longer see as blurry.

Besides lying and denying, cheating and putting your health at risk (obviously he didn't wear a condom with this woman if he assumes he could be the childs father enough to offer support)... what are some of the qualities he possess that make you feel special and loved?

Have you felt special? Respected? Cared for? Have your needs been being met? You cant sugar coat his behavior to yourself as you will keep getting sucked back in for more pain. You have to take a look at what he does and what he's done and believe what he is showing you, not just what he is telling you.

I could tell you I'm a supermodel... it doesn't make it so, its words. In order to believe someones words they have to establish trust, if that trust is broken it has to be established again before words mean anything. He can TELL you he loves you, but what do his actions say?

Do NOT think you are nothing without a man that from your words written here does not sound like he deserves you. There are millions of available men in the world and of that number , hundreds of thousands you'd find attractive and thousands of which would treat you the way you need and deserve to be treated. Do not settle for less than you deserve, do not wear blinders and pretend things are better than they are... it hasn't worked in the past and wont work now.

Because of the kids involved I do hope you find a way to work things out with this guy to at least be civil no matter if you stay together or part. But please think of your own happiness and how you want to spend this one life that you know of for sure. Life is short to spend it miserably and life is long... to spend it miserably as well.

[broken09]

thank you for the support and advice!! it is really hard... i am sooo torn. i really really do not know what to do and how to handle it. I keep replaying everything that happened between us during those months over and over in my head.... I just dont know..

[Ahryin]

I feel the need to apologize if the following message seems harsh in anyway shape or form..with that being said....

The only reason your husband cheats is because you Allow it. He has no respect for you, nor does he have fear of loosing you. You don't deserve it, no one does but because you accept it...he gives it. We as people dictate what happens in our own lives. However as a mother you have far more to loose and gain. Your children will look to you for guidance on what they will accept in their lives. When you say "I can't do it alone" you are defeating yourself before you even try. Not only that but you are showing your children its okay to give up.
For one..you would get alimony and childsupport, for two ok you have a G.E.D...so WORK! Yes it's hard not saying its not going to be ...but wouldn't it be worth it? Aren't you worth it? Isn't your happiness worth it? If it is meant to be it will be, if he loves you then he will work hard to gain your trust back...if he doesn't...he won't!
You have allowed this man to rule over your happiness and your heart and he has given no care to it. He has put your life in danger..have you realized that. In order to get a woman pregnant...that means he isn't using protection...which means he is cheating on you...sleeping with these women with NOOOOOOO protection! Do you know who she has slept with? Do you even know anything about her? Have you been tested? You should be!
With everything that you have said it sounds like you do not value yourself enough let alone to demand he value you. Your first priority should be YOURSELF...your kids...then him..because it doesn't seem like he gives a flying rats Astrisk about you and yours. Secondly..what type of women is he dealing with to email you? Thats Triflin!
So....WAKE UP! STAND UP! GET MOVING! Having a GED doesn't mean you aren't educated, it doesn't mean you can't work, it doesn't mean you can't support yourself or your children and is not an excuse or reason to accept defeat and heart break. It means you need to work harder, move faster, be stronger which i'm sure you have it in you! If you feel it slipping look at your kids feel the love they provide and the life you want for them..then keep moving!!!

[BostonMom]

you dont deserve this!!!!! He cheated!!!! Now hes having a baby w/someone else???? If you cant work it out leave him and get child support........you dont have to depend on him, if you can prove adultry a judge will make him pay.......

[JustMe12]

I have been cheated on, dont have children and I would presume it would be difficult but, you are a woman, we are strong and we preserver!!! You can do anything you put your mind too! You shouldnt have to stay with someone who cant be committed to just you, I think you should start making plans to leave and figure things out. He honestly doesnt sound like he will ever change. I hope all goes well and be strong even though its difficult!

[danceintx]

Let me tell you. I was a single mother with only a GED when I met me ex husband. When we met he made $72,000 a year. By the time we divorced he made $250,000 a year. My pride was worth way more than that to me. I took my kids and told him to leave and hadn't had a job for 4 years. Now I am a single mother with 2 kids and only a GED. I am working as a dance instructor for next to nothing, but let me tell you, I am much happier now than having plenty of money and being treated like garbage.

[rcoreyus]

The world doesn't care if you deserve what happens to you - good or bad. In this case, it sounds like he was completely in the wrong. In some sense though, that doesn't matter, what matters is what you want to do with your life. Think about where you want to be, then think about how you want to get there.

It sounds to me like you are in a bad relationship - but no one can really tell from the outside. You are young, you have many options in your life, don't feel like you are trapped.