[yashira0124]

Okay I have to tell you the hole story for you guys to understand... I am 19 years old I have a beautiful 1 year old baby boy! My husband is 21 and he is in the military. We got married September of 09. I filed for divorce January.

This past year things have been just crazy! I had my son and got back together with his dad. He went to Iraq and came back in September. When we got married things were good. He was the best husband.

Then things started to get crazy. We had established that we were going to live in Indiana and then after we get married he said that he was not moving. When he was with us he didn't spend much time with the baby because he rathered play games or wanted to be out and leave baby with his mom.

I found out that he had lied to me about sooo many things. That he was watching porn, and going out and meeting other girls. We went to marriage counseling and I really wanted to try and working things out. But after I found out about him going on dating sites and a girl was sending pics of her I had had enough.

I was supposed to give him time to make up his mind and friday after thanksgiving we had a calm conversation and he decided he wanted to be alone. So i left and came to indiana that was dec.4

Since then he has called me and texted me about 10 maybe a little more or less to ask about baby.He came here for christmas and i found out he had a girlfriend when he had told me we were not gonna date we were just apart to think.

So before he left I asked him who she was because he kept lying saying he didn't have another girl. So he told me how he met her and such. then he came for 3 days in Jan. and it was to talk and after 10 times of asking if he slept with her he finally admit it.

After that I gave him one last chance and told him he was not to go to clubs or this bar like place called bongos because i did not want him to do the same again... So few days pass by and he had already gone 2 times to bongos and I was very upset and then he says that he don't think he can even go to the mall without thinking of doing it again...

So a next day i told him I wanted a divorce. He first said no he didn't want it but then he says he just want to have fun and be free of responsibilities... So I give him just that.

When I file papers i put supervised visitation do to we leave in diff. states and i don't want my child to be taken from me. And since he is not capable to care for him i also put that and he didn't not have a relationship with his son which is true...

When we were going to counseling the counselor told me that he is passive aggressive and that he should take parenting classes and so on and so forth. She suggested to me as well the supervised visitation...

When they got the papers they were very upset with me and we talked on the phone and both him and his mom were yelling and me and he even cuz at me... I was very upset especially cause they were assuming i did not want them to be in the babies life which is so true as well as they did not let me explain why those things were there.

They sent a responce to the papers the were sent by my lawyer saying the divorce should be dismissed and should be done in Florida and that I needed to go down there and establish equal parenting time. No thats not going to happen and I am scared that he is going to file to get full custody of my son. And things of that sort.

I need advice!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I would say that your husband cannot handle a relationship, so serious, such as marriage and children. Perhaps he did the honorable thing as you were pregnant and tried, but it's not in his nature, he wants to be free to do what he wants, so be it, you need more than that in your life anyway.

His parents may even have suggested, his parents seem to be doing the yelling and screaming, it's their fear not to see their grandchild and I suspect, they are the ones that would look after him anyway, not him, if joint custody was given.

Your the child's mother, I doubt that they will be able to take your child away and also, the Father is in the Military so it's not the Father that would take care of the child rather, his parents, so I can't see that happening.

I assume you have parents alive? Have you talked to them about all of this? You need support of family.

Send his parents a letter, letting them know that you not only expect, but want them to be in your baby's life so that they know. And, speak to your parents.

CW

[yashira0124]

I've talked to my parents about this they've known since i live with them... His parents have been told on many occasions that they are wanted to be in the baby's life and so I've told the baby's dad too. But they are now saying the opposite because of what the papers say... I really don't know what to do with them... I didn't want things to be like this but they made it this way... I do think that its his mom the one who is causing most of this drama but i also think its him too. His dad is not really that type of person but I'm sure he feels the same way because the mom knows how to eat her families brain so she controls them all especially him (my husband) because he is such a mommas boy. I don't know what to tell them or not tell them... I want this to be over...

[Iseulda]

I feel for you, yashira - It's a difficult situation. It's going to be hard but you have your parents by the sound of it - lean on them for emotional support.

The main thing is to stick to your guns. Don't give in to things because he, or his mother, promises that it will make it be over quicker. They don't really have any control over that, the process takes as long as it takes. Yes, they can respond that the divorce should happen on their terms but that response can be ignored. If you have had advice to request supervised visits and to divorce in Indiana then there is obviously a good case for both of those things.

Do you have any emails or texts from your husband stating that he wants to be free of responsibility or from the time when you agreed to move to Indiana together before you married? Anything you have from him in any written form (including text and email) you need to keep as evidence of what you say above. Without that it is his word against yours. That''s another reason to send the letter CW suggests - if you write telling him and his parents that you do not intend to exclude them from your son's life that will count in your favour.

Really as the mother the law is on your side - it is unfair to good fathers of kids with negligent mothers but it is the way it is and you can use it to your advantage. Your son is better off with you, especially if the alternative is being brought up by his grandparents with a mainly absent father coming and going. The court will see that. What is important is that you show yourself to be the good mother that you are and the fair person that you are. Be truthful - if you lie about or exaggerate one little thing that will cast a shadow on everything else you say in court. Don't risk it. Have faith in yourself and in the judge who will doubtless be very experienced in these matters.

Best of luck to you.

[danceintx]

I wouldn't worry about them getting full custody, most of the time, the baby lives with the parent who had possession of the baby when you go to court. Unless, he could prove something very bad about you that affects how you could take care of the baby. Now them trying to make you go back to their state I have never heard of anyone being able to do, especially after you have been there awhile and there were no custody papers in place at the time. Your attorney will have to sort all that out, but don't worry about what your ex's parents think, do what you feel is right for you and your son. When I got a divorce my husband threatened taking my son from me from the time I was pregnant, he tried to fight me for custody after I left. I was scared out of my gourd, and under tremendous stress, he even had a private investigator watch me a couple of time. But it was the ego of a narcissist talking and he ended up with standard visitaion. Get a good lawyer and let him do the fighting for you. People threaten all kinds of things and try to demand things but they can want in one and and poo in the other.

[yashira0124]

Thank you guys for the advice I will take it into consideration most definitely... Thanks!!!

[jennellebelle]

Your so young. Thats where the problem lies.
You havent even lived life yet.

[Sweetest Love]

1st... I would not worry about him getting custody, as previous responders have said, the custody is generally going to go to the mother, unless there is something really bad. I'd just try not to be to stressed out about it and try to communicate w/ his parents (via a letter like someone else said) and let them know you do want them to be apart of their grandchild's life, that may help put them at ease about the situation. Anyway, good luck, stay strong and try to keep the stress at bay.

[Iseulda]

Your so young. Thats where the problem lies.
You havent even lived life yet.

I don't necessarily disagree with you but I fail to see how stating this helps the OP. In fact you kind of sound like you're criticising her. She's in the situation she's in, she's taking responsibility. I don't see what else she can do.

[yashira0124]

Thank you guys! For the advice I do think I am young but I think that the things that I am going through were bad decisions that I made (getting pregnant) and I got a blessing from it!! And I am living life with my son and that is all i need at this moment... The issues I am having are because of my husband and his family being big drama queens and childish because they are not getting their way... Once I am out of this I am done with them and all this drama... And I am going to live life as the best of my abilities with my son! I love him so much!!!!