[sarahlee20]

Does it really get better if you move on?

I've put up with a ton of things that I shouldn't have just to be with someone that I loved with all of my heart.

I've put up with alcoholism. It's not pretty.

I've put up with them having a secret life that I wasn't allowed into. Never being allowed at their house or to even know where they live.

I've put up with cheating.

The list could go on and on. It was worth it to me then because of how much I loved that person but after getting out of that situation I really saw that I went through so much I didn't deserve to. I'm much better off now and even though it still hurts I have found that I am happier without them.

I'm currently in a relationship and I don't know that he is the one. He may very well not be. I thought that the alcoholic/cheater was the one but that didn't work out. I think it takes time to really know but it's different for everyone.

Right now with my fiance I am trying to deal with complusive gambling... NOt as easy as I thought. Now i worry if we'll ever have a future orget married after how sure I was 1 1/2 yrs ago.

[pretzel]

I'm not a good one to answer this, except as to what not to do.
DON"T overlook too much.
DON"T tollerate too much.
Have and keep limits.
Don't give and give and give somemore, without getting anything in return.
DON"T think that loving them more and being more accepting will lead to them reaching some sort of realization and changing. They are what they are, if they recognize that they need to change, they will, and it won't be because you are so patient and forebearing, although it might be because you finally gave up, told them where to get off and walked out.

If you can't live with and love their shortcomings for a lifetime, then don't live with them.

WC wrote this for me. she just posted it first.

I have to totally agree, especially with the giving/receiving issue.

[Janster]

How much would you overlook or put up to be with someone you truely love and want to be with? Is it TRULY worth it? Is it something small, big, or just plain irritating or even worry some? If your already in a relationship,engaged or even married? How did you know that person was the one for you? How much would you put up or how far would you go for your prince charming? How much is enough? Or when is enough just enough for you? Just wondering? Is everyone/anyone REALLY happy or have a happy ending? If so, What does it take to have a "happily ever after"? looking forward to replies..

For me...I 'knew of' my husband (before we were married). With help of mutual friends, we had our first date. After that first date....I just knew...He was the one. I even called my mother that night and told her.
It's weird....but that was it....
Our first date was Sept 30th, 1990. We got married in Aug 95. It's been a wonderful marriage ever since.

What did I give up? I don't consider that I gave up anything. I'm an active person and he likes to stay home. Although, we do get out and we do get involved with hobbies....so it's a wash. I'd love to go camping, hot air balloon rides, etc.... He wouldn't.
However - I'm pretty sure I can get him to go white water rafting.
You know..that kinda stuff.

But everything else..... the trust, morals, faithfulness, consideration, letting eachother 'be ourselves', free to do what we want, free to buy things, etc.
I think those things are much more important (to me). Hard to explain.
Oh, been married for 14 years.

[Ampomah]

It is never easy being in a relationship and as you know marriage is even harder, but there are happy endings.
No one can really tell you if he is the one or not, there is just a feeling inside of you that tells you its right. Its never a good idea to have to go to too many extreems just to find out if they are the one and if all the time you are the one sacrificing then perhaps you should have a good talk with the person and let them know how you feel, if they care they should be willing to make changes for you even if its not many. Just dont loose who you are to make them happy.

[KMonte85]

How much would you overlook or put up to be with someone you truely love and want to be with? Is it TRULY worth it? Is it something small, big, or just plain irritating or even worry some? If your already in a relationship,engaged or even married? How did you know that person was the one for you? How much would you put up or how far would you go for your prince charming? How much is enough? Or when is enough just enough for you? Just wondering? Is everyone/anyone REALLY happy or have a happy ending? If so, What does it take to have a "happily ever after"? looking forward to replies..

I won't put up with much. As soon as I feel I am losing myself, or becoming unhappy, it is done. I used to be a serial dater, not keeping a boyfriend around for more than 2 months before getting sick of him and moving on. Then I met my current boyfriend, and 8 years later I am as happy as I have ever been because we're on the same mental wave-length.

Minor things are easy to overlook. Maybe he doesn't comb his hair as often as I would like, puts his dirty work boots on my just-mopped floor, and isn't a real romantic. Yeah, that annoys me sometimes. But not so much that I would give up that stuff that's so great, and the great stuff is the big stuff - loyalty, trust, compatibility.

He's so perfect for me in other ways, that it works when we have little things we don't agree on. We compliment each other, I'm very analytical by nature and he keeps me grounded and light hearted. He can be a bit too carefree, and I keep him in reality and organized. We trust each other completely, are able to keep independant lives without being insecure, having our own interests and friends separate from each other. We take care of each other, and we're balanced, one person doesn't do more for the relationship than the other. Sure, we argue, but we figure it out, we work it out, and we make changes so that we can both be happy. If its miniscule stuff, then we just agree to disagree and that's fine... no drama.

[sarahlee20]

what do you feel when you think you want to break up with someone?

Before you think of ending it with someone or think you are ready to and just feel friends feeling? what do you feel about them or think about? that little voice that tells you that it's time to move on. I wish i knew. I am trying to remember what attracted me to my fiance in the first place? I mean i knew he was very sweet and nice and considerate but other than that i didn't really know him other than letters,online and phone calls.Thinking now that it's not enough. I know i've changed alot since i've been noticed his gambling getting bad enough to seek GA. I think thats what started changing my feelings towards him. Either that or i was blind ? Just a question i had for some older people who been in all kinds of relationships and had more experience than me. ANyone ever just know or feel when it's time to move on.

[Mes T]

One way is to look at your situation from an outsider's perspective (which is why friends and forums like these can be so useful). Just look at the countless doubts you've had about your fiance on this forum. That should be a big hint right there.

Don't settle. Because you're scared of the unknown. Or whatever it may be. Don't. Settle. Take a risk, live your life the way you always fantasized it would be. Just don't settle.

My longest relationship was 3 years and we were SO close, and loved each other SO much... But I knew that he wasn't right for me when I realized that being with him stifled my potential as a human being... I wasn't doing much, I didn't have many friends, no hobbies, I felt socially weak, like I couldn't go to the store without him...

It was very unhealthy for me (he was fine, btw). I knew I loved him, but I also loved myself, and I didn't want to waste my life. Looking back at pictures from my childhood helped me to think about all the things that little girl wanted to be, and I realized that I was none of those at that time.

[sarahlee20]

even up to last month i was happy. Still trying to understand what changed. Lately I've just stopped doing stuff just been depressed not wanting to go out. I think i lost myself and respect for myself. Sadly I don't know how I've always been positve and social. Now idk what i am. We used to be so close now i i'm not sure. Where not what we are now. I mean it's not like he depresses me orkeeps me down mentally. He brings me up and is so sweet just not sure maybe i'm not interested anymore or maybe my pills just aren't working like they used to. Or maybe i am just seeing his faults are too much and aren't fixable.

[Mes T]

The staying at home bit could be a huge part of it. Maybe once you start being active again, you'll change your mind about him.

Actually I think the staying home bit deserves the most attention at the moment as everything else could just be symptoms of this.

[hanni]

i think as long as you give as well as take things should work. in my experience, when its only one of you who overlooks things, makes compromises etc. then its not going to work because sooner or later the other one will have had enough.

theres a couple of things about my boyfriends past which I really don't like but I overlook it partly because I love him so much, but I think also partly because i know he overlooks a lot of stuff with me too so all's fair. God I sound like a sap - "because I love him so much..." lol. I think you get my jist though!

p.s. sarahlee, cheesy potato caserole sounds DELICIOUS!!