[sarahlee20]

My fiance lied to me about attending GA (gamblers anonymous). We were supposed to go yesterday but he told me due to valentines day they weren't having meetings. He told me he called them and everything. So i believed him we went to dinner and came home. Little did i know i'm guessing they were having a meeting we just didn't go. He doesn't want to go he doesn't believe he doesn't have a problem. Things were great I was starting to trust him again. Now it just breaks my heart. It was going great at first he was going every Sunday. IT breaks my heart he would lie to me about this. Yet he wants me to start trusting him about stuff. It makes it hard when he does stuff like this. I mean I ask because i go with him and sit with him at meetings. What should i do? It's so hard because even though he's restrained,I know it will be back I'm so sad. tips advice? thanks

[WildChild]

. Little did i know i'm guessing they were having a meeting we just didn't go.

Huh? If you only guess they had a meeting, why do you think he lied? Why don't you call and find out?

[sourpuss]

Do you know for sure that he actually goes on sundays?

[sarahlee20]

Do you know for sure that he actually goes on sundays?

yes I know because I usually drive him and we both go together. It's an open meeting.

[sarahlee20]

Huh? If you only guess they had a meeting, why do you think he lied? Why don't you call and find out?

I think he lied because he didn't want to go. He declaires he doesn't have a problem just because he's been clean for 3 weeks. He also said he didn't want to go because he wanted to spend Vday with me. I tried calling the place where their are meetings but they weren't answering. I think they maybe might have been closed for the holiday. Next week when we go to the meetings I am going to ask if their was a meeting. I love him so much and we've been together 1 year and 6 months. To me that's a long time to be with someone. I love him with all my heart. I am determined to fight this with him as hard as I can.

[Hopeless Dork]

You are mad at him for lying but you are not even sure yet if he lied?

[kygirl]

You are mad at him for lying but you are not even sure yet if he lied?

I'm with HD on this one... I would get in touch with someone to see if they had a meeting before you jump to conclusions. Maybe they really didn't have one Or maybe even he did ask someone and was misinformed...

Trust is important... You should find out before you let yourself get all fueled up about it!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Fear...

Your turning fear into non trust.

The first thing that came to my mind was Valentines Day.. Even if he's not romantic all men know that women view this day as special.. To go to an AA meeting would ruin that day for sure.

He TOLD you that was a reason as well.. And, sweet, you called and they didn't answer, I'm a business owner, the only businesses open on that day are ones that will profit from it.

AA will not profit from it. My guess is they were closed.

Stop fearing, and support him.. He's done really well, 3 weeks without alcohol and in addition is attending with you.. Denial is usual. It's been 3 weeks, I'm cured.. I hate those meetings, I'm not drinking, I don't need them...

Just gently assure him that you support that, are proud of him, and that your in this together, Sunday was perfectly understandable, it was Valentines Day and you know that he didn't want to ruin the meaning of that day.. But, 3 weeks isn't long to listen to people, as hard as it is and horrible as it is, let's just continue for a few more weeks, I need to be there as well, to understand and stand by you.

There's no shame in the meetings but I'm betting an alcoholic feels shame attending.

Your going to have to put your feelings aside for a bit and squash the fear totally and give him courage and support and make him feel it's ok to go and your proud of him.

CW

[sarahlee20]

Fear...

Your turning fear into non trust.

The first thing that came to my mind was Valentines Day.. Even if he's not romantic all men know that women view this day as special.. To go to an AA meeting would ruin that day for sure.

He TOLD you that was a reason as well.. And, sweet, you called and they didn't answer, I'm a business owner, the only businesses open on that day are ones that will profit from it.

AA will not profit from it. My guess is they were closed.

Stop fearing, and support him.. He's done really well, 3 weeks without alcohol and in addition is attending with you.. Denial is usual. It's been 3 weeks, I'm cured.. I hate those meetings, I'm not drinking, I don't need them...

Just gently assure him that you support that, are proud of him, and that your in this together, Sunday was perfectly understandable, it was Valentines Day and you know that he didn't want to ruin the meaning of that day.. But, 3 weeks isn't long to listen to people, as hard as it is and horrible as it is, let's just continue for a few more weeks, I need to be there as well, to understand and stand by you.

There's no shame in the meetings but I'm betting an alcoholic feels shame attending.

Your going to have to put your feelings aside for a bit and squash the fear totally and give him courage and support and make him feel it's ok to go and your proud of him.

CW

Thanks CW. We discussed and we're going to the meeting this Sunday. I do love him very much.He's also so amazing to me.I love being around him He's been clean for about 1 month now. I am so proud of him since he's around it and it's everywhere in general. I know he tries so hard. I go with him every Sunday.Iconstantly tell him how much i love him and will support him 100%. It's not that I don't trust HIM, It's just hard with an addiction like his. I know he has good intentions for us and our relationship. I just can't wait for our future and our own place and family. No matter what we face I know he's 200% worth it. I also know we're in it together. I want him forever

[sarahlee20]

trying to move on

he did actually not tell the truth they did have a meeting last week on V day. However that was last week and we're trying to move on from that.