[stressed]

Just think how great it would be if you were putting that effort and care into a relationship that had happiness and positivity. That's all I'm saying. It just sounds like there's more bad than good and it's almost like you're hanging on to prove to yourself that you can turn it around. I've been there and I can say it's not worth it.

It's a very considerable point of view. It would have been easier to move on if he didn't make the effort and didn't care. So far he does try to make up for everything...

Leaving him alone for a week is going to be a good test run I think.

[calamity]

"and of course it's always my fault, regardless the reason."

Of all the things in your posts, I think this worries me the most. Red flag. Btdt, and it's not worth it.

Doesn't sound like you're happy or secure with this relationship. Maybe give it some serious thought while you're gone for a week... not just "what's he doing", but "what am I doing, and can I ever really be happy in this relationship?"

[Iseulda]

You emailed her and asked her? Before talking to him?

Oh dear. You really don't trust him and you're not even prepared to listen to him first. That's a bad sign.

Some couples get over infidelity and become stronger. Others become defined, owned and eventually swamped by it. You're heading fast towards the latter there.

I'm with sourpuss here.

[stressed]

You emailed her and asked her? Before talking to him?

Oh dear. You really don't trust him and you're not even prepared to listen to him first. That's a bad sign.

Some couples get over infidelity and become stronger. Others become defined, owned and eventually swamped by it. You're heading fast towards the latter there.

I'm with sourpuss here.

I asked her to avoid the argument, not because I don't think he'll tell me the truth, although he has lied to me a lot when it comes to her in the past, or other things he's done. She's never lied to me so if they didn't talk I'll leave it at that.

But I find myself thinking about it anyway.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

stressed, all I can ask of you is to do this.

Go back to your first thread.

See if there have been changes, good changes.

You've dealt with alot with this man haven't you, all the way through, do you beliefe he has changed, you have changed him?

CW

[stressed]

stressed, all I can ask of you is to do this.

Go back to your first thread.

See if there have been changes, good changes.

You've dealt with alot with this man haven't you, all the way through, do you beliefe he has changed, you have changed him?

CW

I'm trying not to think about it, I just find it so easy to be negative towards him now, as if he lied yesterday, but that's a wrong approach...

He has changed and I didn't force the changes (only when he asked me to force them), he wanted to make them and nowadays he says he can't believe what an idiot he was in the past, that he's glad I gave him time to remember how it is to be in a relationship. I don't think that 'I' changed him by myself, I don't think anybody changes just because of somebody else, they only do so if they really want to in addition to somebody else asking them to. They weigh their options and take a look at the larger picture, then decide what is best for them.

I do hope I won't let this affect me any further. It's not what I want...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Then if I can say?

I looked over all your threads.. The beginning was a lot of questions the later, none really.

If you feel he has changed, I'm going to say again, forget the past, I know that's near impossible, forgive, don't forget, but if you don't you won't have a future, if he's changed and you know that, then go with that.

[stressed]

Yes, that is true.
I'm trying to get that into my head and many replies I read here help with that.

Thank you.

[WhatcanIsay]

I don't know what got into me tonight (probably all those doubts women have here about their partners), so I checked that old website my fiance used to spend hours after hours when we had a 2-year distance relationship (the same place he had this emotional affair with a girl he had met twice in real life).

The last I heard of that girl was after that drunken night where he told her he loved her etc. (that was first November 2008). He said it was a mistake, he was drunk etc. Now I see that he logged on to that place 2nd December 2008 with a new account that he didn't really use, just took a quick look over there.

Now, I do feel a little bit angry. Should I mention that or let it be? He's stopped with all that now, but apparently he tried to lied to me again just a month after claiming he had stopped. There's no chance he does anything behind my back today, he's a different man. But I hate lies.

What do you think I should do?

This kinda damaged my trust a little bit, as I thought he learned the lesson that November, and to go back there with a new username, so I wouldn't find him, was cheap of him to do. I found that username only because now they have changed their settings to show all users with same I.P. ... ...

If there was just this isolated incident I would let it go. Its when there are several lies and you can't trust the other person. I was lied to so many times that I could not trust him anymore. That does not seem to be the case here. I am not saying to walk around with blindfolds on but stop looking for things. Just be aware. If you have a constant need to poke around without reason then you need to resolve in your own heart and mind the past that is over. If you have reason to think something is going on that is a different story. This seems real simple and dumb but always go with your gut, your gut never lies to you.....

[sourpuss]

"and of course it's always my fault, regardless the reason."

Of all the things in your posts, I think this worries me the most. Red flag. Btdt, and it's not worth it.

Doesn't sound like you're happy or secure with this relationship. Maybe give it some serious thought while you're gone for a week... not just "what's he doing", but "what am I doing, and can I ever really be happy in this relationship?"

My thoughts exactly! That statement really stuck out to me as well.