[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[WildChild]

Good for you!!

[Hopeless Dork]

That is good to hear stressed. My guy has also stopped with the porn , for a few months now. I've not seen a sighting of it in quite some time (other than a time or two we've indulged together), and like you... have stopped looking for it a while back. Our sex life has improved 150%. It was always good, but now its amazing. I finally feel as desired and wanted and necessary as I'd always hoped for.

I still get sad sometimes when I think about how things use to be along time ago... and my trust wavers and I wonder if he is doing it still, but with the way he treats me I have no reason to believe that he is.

My biggest problem was feeling like I was coming in second place to fantasies, that me and my needs weren't as important as his needs... and he has changed that around so entirely.

When I first got upset about porn, he didn't see how porn could possibly be causing a problem... but now that its all but out of the picture and things with us are so good, sex is awesome and I am happy, and he is happy -- I'm sure its as evident to him as it is to me that him going without it, or cutting back drastically has made us move forward to a much better sex life, and a happier relationship.

[Mes T]

Great to hear. From both of you.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Positve things are fantastic to read.

Seems to me that "love" concurs all...

In that I mean both of you have people in your lives that truly love you and with that love, the Porn all of a sudden wasn't the same thing anymore, wasn't important anymore, nor were any sites...

But, I also suspect that your giving that back to your fella's and then some

Congrats both of you.

Stressed, quit with the questions "what if?".. Your right, you both know that they love you and your all happy and do feel wanted... So what if won't come into it ...

CW

[Guest]

So, there you go guys, men CAN quit porn and they basically watch it often only because it's a habit, not because their genes tell them to. With proper communication problems are solved by themselves over time. No need for the one to impose porn when the other feels hurt by it, nor for the other to demand an non-porn policy. It's just solved one day.

While I agree with you that it is possible for men to quit watching porn, this rather unscientific situation by no means begins to quantify any type of reason as to why guys want to watch it in the first place. Your guy is one guy, and one guy alone. And what he tells you may or may not be a reflection of men as a whole....as it also may not be 100% accurate.

And.....reading back among the porn posts....it wasn't the men searching for the reasons why we want to watch porn, it was the women. We know why we crave porn and we were telling you all why...but you guys didn't understand or didn't want to understand our honest answers.

And I just want to wish good luck to everyone, no matter what relationship problems they have. If you are with a man/woman who is right for you, in every level, then you will solve all your problems together. Some times it can take a while, it can take months or even years, but things CAN and DO work out

Agreed.

And I'm glad things are working out for you.

[Hopeless Dork]

And.....reading back among the porn posts....it wasn't the men searching for the reasons why we want to watch porn, it was the women. We know why we crave porn and we were telling you all why...but you guys didn't understand or didn't want to understand our honest answers.

I never found a definitive reason for why my one man watched porn as much as he did before I started feeling neglected. But I don't recall you guys giving a group decision as to why you do it either. Everyone had something different to say about it here on these forums. I've learned that some of you:

1. Watch it because that is what men do, no other reason necessary
2. For visual stimulation, to help get the penis to wake up when your alone and WANT to be arroused.(personally, I find this a bit like trying to shove a loaf of bread down your tummy when you are already full just cause it tastes good-- if you got to force yourself to get an erection just so you can masturbate - pffft :P)
3. For variety, hey we all want variety, we're men, its better that we watch porn than cheat
4. Because women use dildos

If there were some I missed, please catch me up ! Like you said to stressed, our guys are one guy, err two guys. No scientific study... just two women saying when our guys were active porn users, they didn't want sex so often, didn't treat us like we were desired.... dropped their porn use and our sex lives improved along with the overall feelings of being loved... nope not science... just two chicks that shared an experience, and have had the same results.

Like I said I never got a definitive answer from my guy as he varied on what he would say for why he watched, obviously its not a comfortable thing for a guy to talk about porn/masturbation habits.... and rightly so -- I mean it IS a person thing, the only reason it became a couples issue was the overindulgence in that personal thing at the cost of neglecting the shared thing.

My guess for why, based on various things he told me was that he just didn't always feel up for sex when horny... that he had this notion that he had to impress me everytime we did it, so he'd avoid it if he felt he wasn't going to be mr. wonderful in bed. Well once he understood that, to me, he's mr. wonderful 24/7 - whether its a quickie or a lenghty session... its the intimacy I need. He got it. And everything changed for the better

[Guest]

I never found a definitive reason for why my one man watched porn as much as he did before I started feeling neglected. But I don't recall you guys giving a group decision as to why you do it either. Everyone had something different to say about it here on these forums.

Variety.

I've learned that some of you:
1. Watch it because that is what men do, no other reason necessary
2. For visual stimulation, to help get the penis to wake up when your alone and WANT to be arroused.(personally, I find this a bit like trying to shove a loaf of bread down your tummy when you are already full just cause it tastes good-- if you got to force yourself to get an erection just so you can masturbate - pffft :P)
3. For variety, hey we all want variety, we're men, its better that we watch porn than cheat
4. Because women use dildos

You forgot number 5. To make women bitter.

If there were some I missed, please catch me up ! Like you said to stressed, our guys are one guy, err two guys. No scientific study... just two women saying when our guys were active porn users, they didn't want sex so often, didn't treat us like we were desired.... dropped their porn use and our sex lives improved along with the overall feelings of being loved... nope not science... just two chicks that shared an experience, and have had the same results.

And voila. Same thing with me. I gave up porn and I'm enjoying a better sexual relationship too.

My guess for why, based on various things he told me was that he just didn't always feel up for sex when horny... that he had this notion that he had to impress me everytime we did it, so he'd avoid it if he felt he wasn't going to be mr. wonderful in bed. Well once he understood that, to me, he's mr. wonderful 24/7 - whether its a quickie or a lenghty session... its the intimacy I need. He got it. And everything changed for the better

Your guess is overanalyzed and I'd bet inaccurate. If he was trying to be superman in bed, and he's a once a day kinda guy, he'd hold off on the self pleasing. Please refer to the first word I wrote in this post. It's just that this word is much easier to state over the internet to complete strangers....than it is to say to your girlfriend in person.

[Hopeless Dork]

Oh I don't doubt that variety plays its role in it..like I originally said his responses to why were varied.. from being bored, to curious, cause guys like to look , to cause he is not gay and likes looking at naked women, to dozens of other things that came out over time and various arguments.

But it became clear to me, that he had some insecurity issues of his own when it came to pleasing me. He admitted to feeling sexually inadequate at times, even though, to me, he is the most adequate man I could dream of. Sometimes he'd come very quickly and I think he thought that was something that made the experience less pleasurable for me, It didn't. I love sex with him whether long or short. If he was tired he would feel guilty about me pleasuring him and then not wanting anything back in return. He was feeling like if he wasn't in the mood to go all out he didn't want to go there at all.