[LanaBear]

I don't really have anything to add that hasn't already been said, but just to echo others, you do deserve better. Nobody deserves a marriage like this. Your post breaks my heart as does your resignation to his behavior.

You say that if you leave out the affairs and everything he has done, everything would be fine... Well, you CAN'T leave out the affairs. This wasn't just a one time occurrence, this is habitual cheating.

You deserve to be happy and not in this kind of a relationship.

I think rcorey is correct in saying you really need to understand your feelings about the situation...

[Joy]

I've been in a toxic relationship - some of it was a mirror reflection of what area's i had to work on in life and some of it was a man being in a partnership with himself with no regard as to what i wanted out of life too and never took the time to think of my best interests one day of life.

cheaters cheat themselves out of a good life and hurt their significant others in the process. You can obviously commit you have thru thick and thin for 19 years. You made a commitment for better for worse but that doesn't give anyone the right to abuse your trust or your heart.

I would suggest journaling if you are so numb and have buried this deep inside not dealing with it. You have been this patient take some time now to see what you want in your life and heal your heart day by day. Be patient with yourself and love yourself each day. The answers will come.

peace

[StAnthony]

I know..

I would like to start by saying that women in this forum are so great to give all these advice to you, its an awsome site. I found this site by searching for some answers myself. We are not married but the committment is not there. We have a child together and we stayed together trying to MAKE IT WORK. But we have had some good times and more bad times. When we love, it feels sooo good. but when when issues come up, our world falls apart and thinking of breaking up again. He has been with other women, telling me he is not sure yet what he really wants and he may not ready to committ. We have been together for over 2 years and have a 16 month old child (so obviously dating didnt last that long). He wants us to date again lilke how single people used to date.... but I am already in a place where there was too much painful woman encounters that all i want is a stable and committed relationship, I could not go back to day 1. I'm starting to realize I may have codependency issues. But same like you, I can't even think that I could do what he is doing, even if it seems like that would be the fair way. Is I wasnt in the same emotional traumatic situation like yours, i say that give it a go to date other men at the same time you are married. But what about your kids? Do you want them to see that both their parents forgot about how they would feel about this situation? They might think its ok to disrespect a marriage and look for the same pattern in their future relationships. This is a painful situation that you have gotten yourself into being comfortable. You should seek counselling yourself if he doesnt want to, there is a reason why you are allowing him to disrespect you this way and that you take him back with all the infidelities he has done, that I am trying to figure out for myself too.

[Numbtothepain]

Dear StAnthony..I hate this part on my end (trying to give advise/comment) I feel like such a hypocrite. When I see someone else falling in patterns like I did.. I know what to say, since I've been through it ALL. It just seems so wrong for me to voice my opinion. I should be listening to my own advice, right. But for me to listen to myself..its like I'm looking through a window. I can see everything clearly on the other side, but they (I) can't hear me. Grrr..

Don't end up where I'm at. Your relationship is young. Don't loose yourself in pain and regret. Before you know it..time is lost. Trust me, it's so easy to loose track of time when your looking for excuses. Don't settle. Him wanting to "date" is how he gets more control. He's telling you that he's not sure what he wants. So what then? He plays your heart, until he figures it out? What if he decides No on your relationship. Are you willing to let go? You have to be. Take control. You want stability and commitment, well that doesn't have to come from him. It can be from YOU..for yourself as a women and for your child. My kids saw me go through "it" (heartbreak, pain, tears, insecurity, confusion and lost of trust...etc) over and over. That, I wish I could take back. They shouldn't ever be subjected to that much pain. Especially since I could have prevented it by ending it years ago.

Find strength and confidence in you..It's there.

[WildChild]

Numb,
This was excellent advice and a positive to use your negative experience to halp another. Don't belittle what you have to offer!