[CHANDLERS WISH]

I'm sorry Ladyaalien

Given that he has asked to have affairs, please don't be nieve, he's away for two weeks, it's more than likely he's doing it.

And, yes, I do believe it's to do with finances.

He's selfish.. I understand when sex isn't there the partner wants it, I get that. But, to treat you so low when your down? To put you down? I can't imagine how your self esteme is going at this point, probably at one of it's lowest, and that's why you are staying.

Ask yourself what does he bring to the table?

Write a list.

Does he hug you for no reason.
Buy you a rose.
Do the little things around the house to help you out.
Tell you your beautiful.
Pleasure you when you are okay and able to be intimate.
Is he intimate or is it just sex.
Does he cook for you.
Do you laugh together alot.


Etc, etc, if there is nup, nup, nup, nup, nup, going on is there a reason really to still be with him?

[sourpuss]

While he is gone, don't dwell on all the things that are wrong. Spend the time imagining what it would be like if he were gone for good. Go out with friends, go to the movies, dinner. Enjoy the things you enjoy doing. Then compare that to how you feel when you get back and I think you'll know what to do.

[Ladyaalien]

What to do?

Well I know your right cause I answered no to all your questions and I have no funds to go out and enjoy myself as he dont leave me any money and i dont have access to any bank accounts

[sourpuss]

Well I know your right cause I answered no to all your questions and I have no funds to go out and enjoy myself as he dont leave me any money and i dont have access to any bank accounts

Wow. Well, there's your answer right there. Do you have a job? Can you secretly open your own account and save enough to leave, this is a really unhealthy situation and I don't see it ever changing. What about your daughter? Can see help you?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Man... How controlling is that?

You can't get insurance, you have no money, you can't access bank accounts....

Is the house 50/50? Is there any equity in it?

Who is paying the Mortgage?

CW

[Ladyaalien]

What to do?

We own the house no payments and thats another thing he thinks cause we own it together and i really havent put any money into it he can get it if this goes to court. I think the only reason im not leaving or gone yet is this house im not gonna let him run me off this is my home he is finically stable and im not im am not budging it will take an act of god for him to make me go anywhere. He screwed his first wife over and ill be .... if he is gonna do me that

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ahhh, there un-derlines the problem...

Finances, like I thought.

Sorry for 50 questions How long have you both owned the house together, lived together?

And, within that period of time, have you been paying for other things? ie) Food, utilities etc?

CW

[Ladyaalien]

What to do?

we have owned this home together for 6 yrs now and i havent worked a public job i work for him with no pay i might add im his bookkeeper.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well sweet, you do work...

Here in Australia we can establish how much per hour certain jobs are, times that by the hours you work weekly and that is what you earn and have contributed to that house.

Secondly, kick that job to the curb... stuff him. He's hiding everything deliberately so that he "thinks" he can get more if/when you leave.

Go and obtain another book keeping job.. I know you probably feel low, but get the courage to " I can do approach". I know there may not be many jobs out there, but, apply for every one until you get it.

In addition, try to obtain witnesses names, if ever you need to call on them, to get them to put in writing that they are aware that you have been doing his books, for the past 6 years.

He may claim that he has given you cash instead, well he has to pay super doesn't he? Tax? Don't think he would do that, he'd get in the shirt.

And, maybe also, have to show his bank statements.

[Ladyaalien]

What to do?

Im ahead on that one i apply for everyone i see nothing yet but i keep hoping oh and did i menton if i leave he is screwed also cause i have everything in my name lights cable internet cars ins.... etc...