[Melvin John]

I'm a husband of three years to my wife whom i love dearly. The question is I'm i wrong for this: I went out with my with to a nice restaurant recently. It cost me over 100 dollars for the two of us.
We just happened to take my wifes vehicle that day to dinner. After dinner I wanted to take the senic route back home. My wife immediately reply well your going to have to give me fuel. I became disgusted and upset that she asked for fuel. To her defense she is on a fixed income. I don't mind giving my wife the world yet alone fuel money. I just felt that the timing was wrong to ask for fuel when i just spent 100 dollars for dinner and just because i wanted to treat my wife by taking a different route her response was well i need fuel..

What do you think? I'm i wrong for beign disgusted and upset?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well..

I think that you two should actually be sharing your income, across the board, so that you equally pay for things because that will prevent any such comments, and make the evening the way it should have been intended... A nice meal at a nice restaurant as husband and wife.

The moment you see $100.00, and the moment she sees $ petrol there is a problem..

Have a look at doing a financial plan together and treat yourselves with the left over monies and have your date nights with love, instead of finances and who paid for what and I believe you will be on a winner..

CW

[rcoreyus]

Managing money is always a problem in marriage since its hard to define "fair". It might seem fair to split expenses - but what if one of you makes a lot more money than the other - suddenly one person has lots of free money and the other doesn't. It might make sense to combine money, but then no one has their own money.

Each paying their own can have big problems: I know a couple that was doing that, then he hit it big in the internet boom. He is now retired, doing whatever he wants, she is still working like a dog to hold up her end. In a economic sense, maybe that is fair, but is FEELS unfair.


In this case maybe the $100 wasn't a big deal for you, but the gas money was a big deal for her ( I don't know your relative incomes).

One scheme: combine all money, then set aside some amount each month for each of you to use on whatever you want.

Now - if it turns out that gas money wasn't a big deal for her, then there is a different problem .

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I just read your other Thread, about being a Step Dad...

Is there fear where money is concerned, "what's mine is mine" on her side of it, because she has children and because she may have a fear that you may not hang about forever, as previously she has been let down?

CW

[kira]

You wanted to take a scenic route and you have an issue when someone asks for gas money? Eh? This seems like a normal scenario to me. Perhaps she could have worded it better such as I would have said "We better fill up the gas tank first" or "I'll need gas to go to class tomorrow if we go that way". Leaving it implied the other person needs to pay instead of stating it outright but in the end it doesn't matter what you spent on dinner or the previous situation is. If you want to spend more money doing something else that's your choice and kind of silly to get upset when someone reminds you of that.

Our finances are somewhat split. We both have our names on each others accounts but we both have our own accounts. Anything I make goes in mine and anything he makes goes in his. If I get extra in my account it means I get to buy stuff I want. However living expenses (including gas) comes first and whatever account has more money is the one most living expenses come out of. Also all purchases are agreed upon even if it's something one person wants and the other doesn't care. Not that we disagree too often.

[rcoreyus]

Hi Kira, your system works well if the incomes are similar, but can be a real problem if someone gets a job that makes a lot more than the other.

[Melvin John]

Hey CHANDLERS WISH I dont think that there is a fear of money. I have no problem giving my wife all that I have, trust me. I pay for almost everything with joy of course. It's just how you go about requesting it. Kira your right it could have been worded better in my opinion.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

No sweet, I mean her.

Do you think that she fears using her money, having perhaps had problems of the reverse in the past?

It's obvious that your a giving person...

It's rude in my opinion what she did, but there has to be a reason behind that...