[tabithapadfield]

OK so my husband is in the army and while he was gone in iraq he had a tagged profile i didnt know about talking to half naked girls and on his history alot of webcam chatrooms. He came home with condoms in his bags. He says they were before we were together (we got married on his rnr) so i let it go since the box was unopend. But i cant get over the internet . I wanna let it go i mean its just the internet but for some reason i cant. I guess its because he gets deployed again soon and idk if hes gonna do the same . He tells me he wonts it was stupid but im not sure. When hes caught in a lier he puts it out on me trying to drop it or hide it. He comes home everyday after work. Never goes out with the guys. Im actually so sick of seeing him all the time hes home so much lol. How can i get him to take me out some. Ive been here for 7months and we went on one date of course with friends. I need romance, love something he doesnt understand that..... idk what to do anymore im so unhappy i cant forget about the online stuff and i need romance but he wont do it

[ocularone]

Hey tabitha, i'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. I can remember the use of pornography was extremely rampant with a LOT of men during my deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan. Some of the major reasons men can view pornography is boredom, lack of sex, and stress. These three things also happen to be 3 major parts of being deployed in a war zone, unfortunately. Long periods of boredom with nothing to do (especially at the FOBs) with bursts of extremely stressful times (Depending on your MOS i guess) and then obviously there is a lack of sex. Don't get me wrong, i am not condoning what he is doing whatsoever, i was just trying to give you an insight into how it would be a struggle for him while deployed. I can see how the condoms and the fact that is webcam chats with other women that really bothers you. It would bother me too. Is this behavior still ongoing when he is home? Or was this just what you saw he was up to while on deployment? How is your sex life? Does he have a high sex drive? What is his MOS? Sorry if i am asking a load of questions. I am just trying to get a better idea of what his life is like to help think through why this could be happening.

[calicogirl]

keep in mind he's in the military. maybe he's depressed? i know i dont like to leave the house when im depressed. just talk to him and make sure that HES ok. I doubt he's cheating on you. and yes maybe he was doing inappropriate things but he was surrounded by only men in a middle eastern country, there really isnt much else he could do. If he were home everynight with you and he were doing those things that would be a cause for concern but to be honest i think if you would just talk to him you might make some head way in getting past this. The internet is seriously ruining relationships left and right its awful but regardless everyone still uses it. Our grandparents and some of our parents never had the internet and they've been together for DECADES because they didnt have to worry about that and since the internet has become a big thing the divorce rate is higher than ever. Just cut your hubs some slack. He loves you and who knows he might have a personal battle going on that you can help him with. Just talk to him and see how it goes. good luck

[Colorado]

Same here: While in combat, sometimes seeing nothing but pain and suffering bares down on you so bad you just want to see something pleasing and that takes your mind off of the garbage you live through everyday over there. I'm personally not a big porn hound, but I did find some of the guys had ordered magazines while there (things like FHM, Maxim, etc) and though I wouldn't classify these magazines as porn, I would call them racey. I found that browsing through them (just for the articles of course lol) would bring some welcome thoughts of home and help pass some time alone.
The condoms? There may be a valid military reason he had them - I know the guys I was with used to carry tampons with them - reason: If shot, they are easy to insert into the bullet hole, and they do a FANTASTIC job at plugging the wound and therefore prevent the loss of blood.

All in all, I wouldn't really worry. You even state that he comes right home from work, never hangs with the guys, etc. On a final note; I know when I got back, the last thing I wanted to do was go out anywhere. I wanted to be HOME, relax in an atmosphere that I could relax in. Crowds, even relatively small crowds made me nervous. This did wear off in time and now we are back to our old selves again and enjoy going out and having some fun/romance now and again. Give him time as this may just be a carry-over from deployment.

[calicogirl]

i just read what colorado said and he has a point. i watched the pacific [an hbo mini series i love] and every guy on there had a condom over there gun to keep water out. maybe thats what it was. if they werent open i highly doubt he was doing anything wrong. =]