[Hopeless Dork]

2. I have made 3 STOP signals in my mind. These stop signs are 3 things that I love about my loving husband, what he does, and why I love it and how it makes me so happy. Every time that negativity knocks, I tell myself to stop and I visualize one of these 3 feeling-good scenes and I immerse myself on how it feels like, how it tastes like and how it sounds like to live in that happy and loving moment with him.

Excellent advice and HUGELY effective in my own experience. I've only ever originally gotten upset with my boyfriend while being around him ONE TIME. When he is with me I see and feel his love so much, nothing else matters. When I get upset with him, he's usually not around, I'll think about something that hurt my feelings and focus on that... and become upset.

If he comes home before it boils I totally forget all about what bothered me. But if I've sat thinking about what upset me for long enough I hit a point of no return where I am going to be mad at him. We're going to argue.

When I see him at that point I don't even look him in the eyes because I can't... because I want to be mad, and when I look into them I feel nothing but his warmth and can't be mad any longer... and only want him to hold me.

Wanting to be upset about something that deserves getting upset over is fine. But when its just my own insecurities and fears and getting mad at him about the past... its not healthy to let that fester and become mad at him for no reason he can figure.

So when a dark moment hits and I start thinking about something that bothered me that we've fixed and moved on from... I focus on his love. I focus on how happy he makes me, I think of how special I really do feel and let it outshine the negative thoughts. And it works.

I am a FIRM believer in communication and can't have it any other way, if something upsets me I say, if something makes me happy I say. But when I am mad at ghosts of arguments past... that have been resolved, I know it doesn't bring us forward to become upset about it everytime I'm reminded of it.

If there was something current that hurt me, I'd have to talk about it. But if its old stuff I'm feeling down about I focus on the here and now and the wonderful relationship I have and it makes me feel so much better.

Learning to let go of what our guy has done that made us feel a little slighted or hurt is hard... but its worth it if you want progress.

He did something to make you feel better, he cancelled his membership and agreed to let go of the bachelor porn supply in exchange for a loving and supportive real life significant other.

Now its your turn to let go, of the hurt and confusion caused by the find and the lies that followed. Time to start new , go forward and focus on the present, the now, and of course.. the future.

[Guest]

Hey everyone! I joined this sight to get some much needed advice in this area! Last night I was cleaning in my fiance's closet and found 3 mail order DVD's in his closet. The are the kind that you rent and then send back. They have not been there very long or I would have seen them before. I questioned him about them and he said - Oh I have had them a long time... well we have been together for almost 1 1/2 years.... He tried to play the, "I was single a long time before I met you" and the "All guys look at porn" cards.... but the truth is that he hasn't had them for a long time and they were just recently rented.. So he lied to me about them....
I'm not against porn - it does have it's place in a relationship and if he would have asked me to watch them with him - I probably would not have had much of a problem with them - but to hide them and then right out lie to me about when he rented them ~ really hurts!!! I'm not sure what to do...
Help!!

Maybe he was embarrassed that you found about it that's why he lied... so don't be hurt. Maybe you can still tell him that it was okay with you of him watching porn and he can watch it with you.