[Mes T]

Thinking about it, though, it's sad how lives and years can be ruined over one night of 'accidental' cheating.

Yep.

You know the saying "once a cheater always a cheater?" I think that's terrible and ISN'T true. BUT I think it IS true within that specific relationship. If you cheat once on Joe, you're likely to cheat on him again, so it's best even for the cheater to move on to someone else.

Anyone else feel like that?

[sourpuss]

I guess, what I'm talking about is cases where the SO honestly doesn't remember what happened exactly, lost control, has regretted it and feels awful about it (the next day). I've read a few such threads here.

If your SO drinks like that, then it's not someone that a person should be with. Cheating or not.

[sourpuss]

Yep.

You know the saying "once a cheater always a cheater?" I think that's terrible and ISN'T true. BUT I think it IS true within that specific relationship. If you cheat once on Joe, you're likely to cheat on him again, so it's best even for the cheater to move on to someone else.

Anyone else feel like that?

Agreed. I cheated on a guy I was dating once. It was very early into the relationship, I think we had only been seeing each other a couple of months. But I immediately broke it off the next day. If you're willing to cheat, then you aren't all that into them and should let them go.

[rcoreyus]

I know I'm unusual, but my wife cheating with another man just wouldn't bother me that much. She isn't attracted to me, so it doesn't matter if she is attracted to someone else. I don't want her to sleep with me because she doesn't have another choice.

Things that I consider worse than cheating would be doing something intentionally to hurt me or someone else. (I know cheating can hurt people, but that usually isn't the reason it is done).

I would sort of lump drunken mistakes together. Once, maybe twice I'd forgive, but after a few times I'd give up.

What if the same person has already made a couple of idiotic and hurtful mistakes while drunk, but not cheated? Cheating on top of that would probably make me explode.

But what else can be worse than cheating? What if this SO, who cheated, didn't make you feel wanted and sex was bad? To cheat in such a case would feel horrible, no matter how much they beg for forgiveness afterwards.

[Guest]

i think there are two separate issues.

the first is whether that person is the kind that gets drunk enough to lose control, be it by cheating, becoming abusive, drunk driving, etc. if the person gets drunk like that regularly, i'd say that they aren't worth holding on to.

the second issue is whether a person is a "cheater" or has "cheated". i think there is a difference between someone who is just a cheater, almost to the point of habit; vs someone who cheated because of whatever reason.

IMHO, cheaters will never change. someone who cheated may actually feel remorse and not do it again.

IDK, just my thoughts.

[4everpassionate]

I don't have it in me to forgive that act easily, although, depending on how long a couple is together, things always change. It all comes down to the options available to us these days, there are just TOO MANY FISH at our fingertips, and it seems to easy to run astray. My best girlfriend dealt with this situation and forgave him. Now they have been together 11 years, married and everyone gags at the fact that they seem like an old couple, still so proud to have each other. Sometimes, work makes all the difference. It's just so hard to continue a relationship with such distrust.

I wish you the best of luck!!!

[GlitterAndStuds]

It's something I can forgive, given the circumstances... BUT I wouldn't be able to forget it, and certainly wouldn't stay with/take back someone after that. For me, the mental images alone would be too much to handle. Not to mention my trust would be gone, and no one wants to have to keep tabs on their SO.

As for the being drunk thing, I don't see it as an excuse even though it's constantly used as one. You're still controlling your actions while drunk, and making the decision. And I can't help but think that if they're really so drunk that they can't remember, that would mean they were at the point where they probably couldn't get it up anyway

[grrrr]

I think that while alcohol is totally the "excuse" that's used - that you're correct in that.... while it will lower inhabitions, it's not doesn't close down your morality.

I know that I couldn't forget, but I'm not sure if I could forgive.... kissing/making out, perhaps, anything more than that, I don't think that I could... I'd just keep thinking about diseases, and the uncertainity that it could happen again.

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If that was gone, or something of question, I think that the foundation is cracked. I don't invest in Junk Bonds, and it seems like the relatioship has turned into that!

Good question, though!

[BB2010]

This is only my opinion, but I say noooo way should he be forgiven. I just got out of a 10 year marriage with the biggest and wost compulsive liar that is probably out there. I know this is not what you want to hear, but he is making excuses for his actions. If this situation would happen, he should have never put himself in that kind of situation. Why didnt he have you with him??

[Mes T]

This is only my opinion, but I say noooo way should he be forgiven. I just got out of a 10 year marriage with the biggest and wost compulsive liar that is probably out there. I know this is not what you want to hear, but he is making excuses for his actions. If this situation would happen, he should have never put himself in that kind of situation. Why didnt he have you with him??

She's not talking about her partner, this whole thread is about a hypothetical situation.