[kscshell]

MT~ I totally agree with you... I have spoken to him.... I know he feels bad... but today he is soo hungover and depressed... I told him that I cannot do this anymore.. and that it he had to lay off the alcohol.... he said that he would take it into consideration.... UGH! Wrong answer... He needs to get out of the house more and get active.. you are definately right about that.. see his business is out of his house and he lives in the country.. beautiful place - but very isolated from civilization.... soooo he can stay out there all week and not come into town - except when he comes in to see me..
Do you think that maybe he needs professional help with depression?? I don't think the Serax helps with that - just the anxiety.. could he need something else to help him get through this rough patch?? Instead of using alcohol?? and me???

[Mes T]

I think coming into town more would definitely help a lot. To meet friends, or participate in some club, whatever it is... To have something like that to look forward to on the other days can really boost a person's spirit.

Problem is he has to find enough motivation to WANT to change his life. And I think that motivation has to come from either you doing something drastic like walking out until he straightens himself out, or getting some professional counseling.

As for the Serax... I don't know, personally I believe that docs prescribe these types of medications left and right without taking the time to find other, healthier solutions. If he's having anxiety, he needs to change the situation that makes him anxious, right? Why would taking a drug to try to mask the symptom be a good idea?

So in my opinion drugs isn't what he needs. If he was a happy, normal guy before this financial crisis, then we know that his depression/anxiety is just situational.

[calicogirl]

as men get older when they drink or do drugs how they react to them changes. my fiance used to be a happy drunk and now when he gets drunk he is the meanest most hurtful person on the planet. so i told him that if that if this was going to be the case he was not to drink around me. and of course telling a man what to do will never work because they feel like ur stomping on their ego. so one night he got drunk n it fell out of proportion he started pushing me and we got into a huge physical fight. the next day he felt so terrible n was so scared i was gonna leave he appologized and kissed me rear but it didnt make up for it. If he's being mean now its only going to get worse BELIEVE me. He either needs to quit or you need to go. that's that.

[jenn89]

HUGE red flag. No excuse for it, so make sure you don't wind up makiing excuses for him.

Postpone the wedding. Firmly tell him that you aren't going to get married until he faces and deals with this problem.

Trust me, this sort of thing won't improve on its own. Ever.

[Guest]

Let me call this what this is...

Emotional abuse by a substance abusing fiance'

Until he reaches the bottom of the barrel with his substance abuse, admits He has a problem and then seeks help for it, it's not going to get any better.

Al-anon is a good place for you to start. There are lots of people in those meetings that are in or have been in your shoes. Find one, you'll be glad you did.