[louise1973]

I have been married 14 years. A few months ago my hubby got a FB account. I helped him with the games- then I found out that he was messaging an ex telling her she was smart, sexy, hot, and beautiful. I was hurt. Then on V day his phone called me (butt dialed) and I overheard him tell his friend about the "little ****s on FB" and that if he were working like he used to he could have a girlfriend. Once again I was hurt. Then just weeks after that I learned that a few years ago my hubby and a friend of his hired a hooker and he got oral sex from her- Now I am massive hurt.
Now I am a survivor of cervical and ovarian cancer with a complete hysterectomy, so I wasn't into sex like I had been. So, we talked and I opened up in the sex department- I have taken his advice and done many things to please him.
Now this is my problem- I have opened up COMPLETELY in the sex department. But every time I leave the house he looks up porn and masturbates. A few nights ago he wanted to watch a dirty movie- I watched with him because he likes that and we had sex until 3 am. 4 or 5 hours later I found out he had masturbated to teen porn after we had sex!?!?!?
I do not understand.... I am so hurt and confused... I feel like I am not able to satisfy him.

[Hopeless Dork]

I do not understand.... I am so hurt and confused... I feel like I am not able to satisfy him.

Your reaction to the porn situation is one many women have when they encounter the same thing.

Do you feel like your sexual needs are being met by him? If he is having sex with you as much as you want/need... and the porn isn't interferring with him having a normal life... its probably not as big of a problem to your relationship.

I can understand the hurt over the teen porn. I know its legal, but guys that specifically seek out porn of girls that just barely turned 18 (and are usually even portrayed acting younger than that) tend to make me wonder if they could look at even younger girls without breaking the law, would they? It would concern me, I think.

But if he's looking at a variety and teen is just one genres of many, it might not be too big of a concern that he has developed a fetish for teenagers.

I think he has demonstrated by using the hooker that he lacks respect for you, himself, and the relationship.

You've heard him say that if he were working like he use to , he could be hooking up with girls? Did you confront him? What did he say?

Did you tell him how you felt about the message he left the girl on facebook?

[Ashlee T.]

I'm very sorry you're in this position. I know that it makes you question yourself, and lowers your self esteem/ego etc. However, please try to remind yourself of something that is 100% true, It's not about YOU personally, it's about him.

After being married to someone for 14 years, having survived cancer, one would think he'd look at you in amazement with nothing but love and respect. But instead, he's selfish, thinking of himself, his needs, his wants, his desires. Who makes the concessions? You do, you do thinks to please him, to try to keep him satisfied, even when you don't want to...all the while knowing these things he has done behind your back. And no matter what you do, he still persists.

I don't think anyone would blame you for being upset. If these other things weren't an issue, the porn thing probably wouldn't get to you as bad. But it's hard to know your beloved husband, who is supposed to be your lifelong mate, your best friend, is out there talking to an ex girlfriend flattering her in ways he should be flattering only you, talking to friends about being able to have a girlfriend if he worked, etc.

Does he satisfy you emotionally/intellectually? Hows your self esteem, self confidence? Do you feel loved by him on more than just a sexual level?